Discussion Suicide note to therapist?

[willitpass]

As I once again get closer and closer to CTB, I've started to consider things. I'm generally indecisive about suicide notes, I bounce between wanting to leave them and not fairly often. I usually end up writing at least something. This time around, there is an added layer. I recently have returned from an extensive stay at a residential facility. It was hard, as any facility will be, but I genuinely felt respected and cared for and developed connections with a lot of the staff there. The facility I was at allows the treatment team to give email addresses to residents upon discharge to send updates to if they so choose. Not in the sense of emailing back and forth, but I am able to send an update if I wish and may be met with a brief "thanks for updating" in reply.

Because of my experience there, and because my relapse has been so sudden, I truly want to send an email thanking them for getting me to a place where I was able to come home and be in a good space, even if it was only for a short time. For a long time, it didn't even seem like that would be possible. I'm worried, however, about the emotional implications that this would have on the people receiving it. Yes, I know, I know, therapists take that risk when they get into the field. As someone who works in healthcare (not mental health), and just as a human being, I also know that therapists/mental health care workers are still just humans. It would be a massive hit to them to get this news. I don't want to cause severe damage to their mental health or even their emotional ability to continue practicing with this. I just also feel such a strong desire to send a delayed email to thank them and let them know that my gratefulness will go to the grave with me.

Just curious of any opinions.

 

[Redacted24]

I think it is really nice of you to wonder about this. You have such care and consideration for them as people too.

I know someone that volunteers in an elderly care facility, visiting the people there, talking with them, doing small activities to give them company. Of course they are all there because they're nearing end of life, that's known and accepted. But when one of the facility residents passes in between visits, it's still hard because they never got to say good bye or thank you.

I think if you feel comfortable telling them that they did provide some benefit to you, it might bring them some solace afterwards.

I'm sorry that the help didn't seem to get you further into a better place.

Would returning to the facility be an option?
Just a thought.

Regardless of your choice, you're still a very kind person to care enough about others this way. Thank you for being so gracious.

 

[inverse-weibull]

You could always write them an email and just leave out any mentions of ctb. You could still express how grateful you are for their help and how it got you to a better place you didn't think you could get to.

 

[willitpass]

Would returning to the facility be an option?
Just a thought.

There truly is nothing else they can do for me. I was already there double the average length of stay and they had to go out of their way to access treatment for me that is not normally part of their offerings. And this stay was far from my first treatment. I truly have reached the near end of options available to me by the mental healthcare system. I could go back, but for what? To merely be kept alive? I am grateful for what they did, but to go back would really be futile and I would likely only regress at this point.

 

[areyousafe??]

When I was planning on ctb'ing at the end of March this year, the only letter I left was a letter to my psychiatrist. I have seen him for almost 20 years and he has listened to me, supported me and helped me throughout my life. I figured he's going to find out about my suicide anyway when I fail to show up at my next appointment.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Nope. Not for me. Absolute silence. We guarantee op-sec that way.