PrettyKitty
Angel
- Mar 27, 2023
- 180
When I was young my family loved me and it was the best years of my life before I found out at only around 3 I had Lyme disease and so did my sister they made us lose both houses we owned and my mom even committed crimes to get money just to get are medicine and feed up (she was almost sent to jail somehow my dad payed it off and shit). Which could have killed us luckily we started to get treatment and went to a house that helps sick people in Canada. I met my bestfriend there when I was around 8-10 and she was 9-12 throughout the 2 years I lived there me and her talked alot and she told me about how she knows shes gonan die and its okay, she has stage 4 brain cancer I'm pretty sure one of her eyes stopped working she had a glass one. All her pretty hair was gone but she was pretty anyway. I still remember her smile as I got to hug her one last time at the hospital she only had a year to live and she's dead now and I never even got to say goodbye. When I entered middle school 11-12 years old I was bullied badly by a girl who what some could say "sexually assaulted me" I don't know if that's what I would call it though. At this time my dad started to psychically and mentally abuse me, he was a drinker. Everyday was hell so I started to self harm and think about suicide very often at the point I was only 12 and I had tried to commit 3-5 times and was stealing my dads liquor and trying to do anything to feel something. When I was 13 my parents split for the first time I'm pretty sure it didn't hurt me much, we were in are house late at night and dad never abused me in front of my mom but this time he did I was laying on couch arguing with my dad he was screaming at me and calling my names and he put his hand in the air and was about to hit me when my mom saw and called the cops. around 15 I went missing due to hating my abusive household and them forcing me to go to church when i didn't wanna be Christian. ( he groomed me since 14) This is when suicide and everything go serious because I started dating a pedo who groomed me into a not legal relationship with him ( he was 22) he had bpd too and when ever I tried to leave him because he was mentally abusive he would hold a knife to his throat and say if you leave me I will kill myself. So the only way I felt I could leave the relationship was killing myself I tried but I failed back than I thought slitting your wrist or overdose were reliable . I saw him bleed I've seen him at a train station facetiming me showing me he will jump in the tracks If I leave him. So I stayed in that relationship for 2 years to finally police and family stepped in. Everyday is hell I still see his scary smile in my face he was a psycho and I get flashbacks of the knife to his throat him slowly slitting the side of it to scare me. I'm now 18 and over the years I've attempted suicide 22 times. I don't know who I am anymore I've been trying to get high or drunk lately to forget about the pain but it doesn't work It just makes everything worse. I've tried therapy, counselling, medications, yoga, mediation, working-out. nothing works I'm just always depressed . Thanks for reading this
