I find myself after turning 30 with more figured out in life than ever before, but my body is giving me a run for my money. Loser. That is what I am.
High Blood Pressure
Bad Dental Hygiene
Eating Unhealthy
I feel that even when things are looking at their best: None more anti depressants or anti anxiety medications... I have instead replaced these treatments for former mental problems for Instead:
Blood Pressure Medication
Bowel Movement Medication
Bad Medication... Meds are just pure bad for you because ideally you should be healthy without that stuff. I understand some NEED these things... I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about medication that is administered to fix a preventable problem...
What if before I even have a chance to kill myself by my own terms, I have already started the stone rolling? I have already preemptively "committed suicide" by lack of self-care. No drugs, no knives, no ropes, no trains... no guns...
I am already on my way out. And I feel many may be in the same boat as I. I surely do hope that this boat we cross the Styx on Isn't indicative of Eternal Loneliness... Because I sure would like to know what love, romantic love is. Before I pass that is.
I doubt I'll have any choice in the matter. Because that's just how life is. A series of Unfortunate Events waiting to happen. Like a tower of forgotten hopes and dreams sitting in storage covered in dust in danger of tumbling down at any moment.
If only the slightest bit of care was shown. If concern was in the vocabulary of those who claim to be loved ones. Maybe some of us might be able to fix this unchangeable fate...
I lack the courage to seek help. I see a therapist, yet he cannot help me. I try to talk with those closest to me yet; They do not hear, see, feel, or truly love* me.
God help me
High Blood Pressure
Bad Dental Hygiene
Eating Unhealthy
I feel that even when things are looking at their best: None more anti depressants or anti anxiety medications... I have instead replaced these treatments for former mental problems for Instead:
Blood Pressure Medication
Bowel Movement Medication
Bad Medication... Meds are just pure bad for you because ideally you should be healthy without that stuff. I understand some NEED these things... I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about medication that is administered to fix a preventable problem...
What if before I even have a chance to kill myself by my own terms, I have already started the stone rolling? I have already preemptively "committed suicide" by lack of self-care. No drugs, no knives, no ropes, no trains... no guns...
I am already on my way out. And I feel many may be in the same boat as I. I surely do hope that this boat we cross the Styx on Isn't indicative of Eternal Loneliness... Because I sure would like to know what love, romantic love is. Before I pass that is.
I doubt I'll have any choice in the matter. Because that's just how life is. A series of Unfortunate Events waiting to happen. Like a tower of forgotten hopes and dreams sitting in storage covered in dust in danger of tumbling down at any moment.
If only the slightest bit of care was shown. If concern was in the vocabulary of those who claim to be loved ones. Maybe some of us might be able to fix this unchangeable fate...
I lack the courage to seek help. I see a therapist, yet he cannot help me. I try to talk with those closest to me yet; They do not hear, see, feel, or truly love* me.
God help me
