Suicide as an escape from something worse than death

[DeadMeat123]

This is my first thread here and it might be my last. In my case I am both the perpetrator and the victim, and my crime was against myself. I had many opportunities in my life that I squandered because of my stupidity. Just a year ago. I made a series of stupid decisions that left me $75,000 in debt and friendless, yes it was a butterfly effect of one stupid decision that started it all.
Of course. the fault here isn't solely mine being born in a Middle Eastern country is a divine sentence of death before I was even born.and today, I face two choices:
either to die a quick death which I chose myself. or to rot away with a long sentence in one of the worst prisons in the world for a crime i didn't commit(long story). Naturally, I chose the first option. My method for CTB will be partial suspension. I tried it before and managed to lose consciousness, and it was a safe and wonderful feeling. I woke up from the coma several days later because my father saved me at the last minute, and it was a miracle that I didn't suffer brain damage. Unfortunately, my luck was only on my side in this situation, and it wasn't on my side in anything else since then
I'll leave without a message or goodbye. I wish I could send insults and curses to some of the people who brought me here, but hey, the result is the same anyway so it doesn't matter that much
As for the timing, I know it will be after the weekend, but I'm just waiting for the right moment when I'm completely alone to get it done
Even so, when I think about it, I still partially love life, but I've simply lost all connection to it, and everything around me is pushing me to take the easy way out. I feel like one of the German commanders in World War II the only thing we have in common now is shame, regret, and fear of severe punishment. My question to you, if anyone cares, is this
if you had the chance to change something in your life and some things were different, would you stop trying to get CTB? Or would you remain depressed no matter what and make the decision eventually anyway?

 

[Grasp of darkness]

There's people who are happy their attempt failed and turned their life around and there's those who are still miserable. It is impossible to predict in which group you will end up. It's up to you to make the decision whether your near future is bearable enough to find out.

 

[miekorevvv]

This is my first thread here and it might be my last. In my case I am both the perpetrator and the victim, and my crime was against myself. I had many opportunities in my life that I squandered because of my stupidity. Just a year ago. I made a series of stupid decisions that left me $75,000 in debt and friendless, yes it was a butterfly effect of one stupid decision that started it all.
Of course. the fault here isn't solely mine being born in a Middle Eastern country is a divine sentence of death before I was even born.and today, I face two choices:
either to die a quick death which I chose myself. or to rot away with a long sentence in one of the worst prisons in the world for a crime i didn't commit(long story). Naturally, I chose the first option. My method for CTB will be partial suspension. I tried it before and managed to lose consciousness, and it was a safe and wonderful feeling. I woke up from the coma several days later because my father saved me at the last minute, and it was a miracle that I didn't suffer brain damage. Unfortunately, my luck was only on my side in this situation, and it wasn't on my side in anything else since then
I'll leave without a message or goodbye. I wish I could send insults and curses to some of the people who brought me here, but hey, the result is the same anyway so it doesn't matter that much
As for the timing, I know it will be after the weekend, but I'm just waiting for the right moment when I'm completely alone to get it done
Even so, when I think about it, I still partially love life, but I've simply lost all connection to it, and everything around me is pushing me to take the easy way out. I feel like one of the German commanders in World War II the only thing we have in common now is shame, regret, and fear of severe punishment. My question to you, if anyone cares, is this
if you had the chance to change something in your life and some things were different, would you stop trying to get CTB? Or would you remain depressed no matter what and make the decision eventually anyway?

idk if ill ever stop getting ctb because for me it sounds and looks like what my fate must be like at the end after all the only thing holding me back is my fear also im quite curious about what have you done because i am from MENA region as wel and i know how fucked up it is to be born from there and i genuinely hope the best for you

 

[DeadMeat123]

idk if ill ever stop getting ctb because for me it sounds and looks like what my fate must be like at the end after all the only thing holding me back is my fear also im quite curious about what have you done because i am from MENA region as wel and i know how fucked up it is to be born from there and i genuinely hope the best for you

Ngl my story is pretty cliche for around here. Grew up in a toxic environment got my degree but was still completely broke and jobless. So I scraped together whatever cash I could to study in Europe out of pocket, find a better environment, finish school and hopefully secure a decent job later
But last year I was down bad financially and had to borrow from some really shady guys with insane interest rates. Literally had zero options back tthen.but tbhI could've just dropped out and gone back home to pay it off but i didn't see that as an option(stinkingcostsfallacy) and I was coping hard, hoping I'd bounce back fast enough to cover the debt and the interest.
TL;DR. things went bad. Those guys set me up with a bs lawsuit using forged receipts. If I don't pay up in a month, I'm getting deported and locked up for 10 years. That's basically a death sentence for me, and of course it's impossible to have a good lawyer in my current financial situation

 

[ZwartHartje]

If all my loved ones hadn't been murdered I'd love to stay here with them. But they won't be back and I'm forever alone if I stay. I hope in the Great Beyond we'll be reunited.

 

[Seneca65AD]

I don't think anyone is going to begrudge a person for checking out to avoid a fate "worse than death". The real issue is what is such a fate? At one time, I considered losing a trial as a fate worse than death and actively planned to CTB. Objectively to a lot of people, that is stupid. But for me it was real.

Now, what about a guy like Victor Frankl who spent 3 years in Nazi concentration camps (and lost his wife, father, mother and brother in them). He managed to survive those horrific circumstances and wrote one of the most important books on psychology Man's Search for Meaning. It is something everyone should read (in my opinion.)

When I read the book, it really came down to the following: "If a person can find a "why" for their life, then they can go through anything". For example, for me, I find that files where I feel I'm battling injustice seem to bring more energy out of me than files with a large payday. Currently, my main "why" is my family. Obviously since I'm posting on SaSu, I'm still screwed up but at least I have a better understanding of how important a "why" can be. I note there a several threads of SaSu members who are sticking it out of their kids, parents and even their animals, etc.

So, I know I don't have any right to say "don't do it, things get better, think about people who have it worse, etc", but if I may suggest at least trying to think of reasons why your presence in this life may be needed by others (environment, animals, people, etc.), then you can always revisit the issue of whether your upcoming fate truly is "worse than death".