Venting Suicide as a way to remain in control?

[hurts2b]

Does anyone have this? Suicide as the ultimate control fantasy? Nobody can hunt me when I'm dead. Death prevents all harm and all risk. If I can bring it upon myself. I get to decide everything. Always.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I do feel this. I dread to think what else my life holds in store for me plus- I'm sure my natural death will be unpleasant.

Selfishly, it will also be nice not to have to live up to the needs and expectations of others. I've felt that increasingly the past few years. That life itself is such a con. That parents make the decision that they want to experience parenthood and, we spend the next several decades paying for their decision.

It will be a relief, once my remaining parent is gone- to be able to finally follow my own heart. I just wish I didn't have to go through a risky and likely painful suicide attempt to leave here. It all feels like one horrible curse. Both life and death.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Does anyone have this? Suicide as the ultimate control fantasy? Nobody can hunt me when I'm dead. Death prevents all harm and all risk. If I can bring it upon myself. I get to decide everything. Always.

Well, for me, it's more of a I give up thing.
Though it does work as a perfect emotional blackmail. But In my case, whenever I give up on life, after giving chances to life, I finally look for ways to end life.. I'm stuck in this loop for last 20 years

 

[discernment]

paradoxically the thought that I can do it at anytime is what actually keeps me going. I can make the choice at any point. Once i've had enough, i'll do it and it will be on my terms

 

[ctb_warrior]

paradoxically the thought that I can do it at anytime is what actually keeps me going. I can make the choice at any point. Once i've had enough, i'll do it and it will be on my terms

That's a good one. I have experienced it when I had lots of ativan and I thought it'll be enough

 

[imagonner]

its the same with self harm, "i can do whatever i want to myself, its none of anyone elses business" kind of thing.

 

[avalanche.]

i do really relate to this. i am helpless in this life. killing myself is the only thing i have real control in.

 

[Vacíø]

Yep, that's me. Suicide was my last resort if I lost, and I can tell you, I lost.

 

[slashers4satan]

Does anyone have this? Suicide as the ultimate control fantasy? Nobody can hunt me when I'm dead. Death prevents all harm and all risk. If I can bring it upon myself. I get to decide everything. Always.

Absolutely get this! My own body cant control me and continue to get older and uglier if i kill it