Suicidality and productivity

[Dizzylady80]

I've been noticing that I get the most suicidal when I miss work because of pain. While a lot of this has to do with fear of homelessness and money issues, I think a lot of my self worth is tied to how productive I am, and since I'm disabled that means my productivity is very low. I end up being cruel to myself about something I would never fault someone else for, saying things that I wouldn't say to anyone else about myself.

Idk how many people can relate, but your worth is not defined by how productive you are. We're human beings, not machines. We're better than that

 

[Unending]

I definitely think that many people suffer from experiencing shame or guilt for losing productivity to their problems whether physical or mental. I experience moments of intense shame because of this, also finding myself becoming much more overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts. But yes, I have a theory that the guilt and shame of "Not being productive enough" may come from the competitive nature of life and society.

 

[Sad_Sack]

Its true that we are more than our productivity. However we are hardwired to feel reward from productivity so that we will instinctively seek to provide ourselves with what we need so we can thrive. When you can't feel productive you will feel down and miss out on the dopamine release from accomplishing things. I am 100% not productive. I offer my family nothing but the roof over their heads and the money that has been slowly dwindling from my savings. I am sow deeply depressed right now I can't even put it into words.

 

[Ceterum]

well, being at stressful work makes me not think about suicide .... that's mainly because I really have no time for it. And I agree it can give you some self esteem, if you are lacking in other areas .... same here

 

[jodes2]

I am sooo stressed about work. Slept for 28 broken hours!!! Couldn't get out of bed. Had nightmares all the way through and sweated all night. Horrible. Can't face anything today at all. Struggling to even take the bins out

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

i gave up trying to achieve anything since il be dead soon anyway theres no point, one less thing to worry about.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, the thought of a productive lifestyle is incredibly depressing and unappealing. It all just leads nowhere at the end of the day and everything in life is just a distraction from the fact that we will all die eventually. Humans place so much importance on things that are meaningless in the grand scheme of things, life really is so worthless and useless and the reality is that everything exists just to die and be forgotten about.

 

[webawl]

I also tend to associate self-worth with productivity. I've been stuck in what feels like a vicious cycle where I lack any energy or motivation to be productive because I know I will ctb soon. I get nothing done, so my self-esteem continually plummets, only strengthening my suicidal thoughts. Ultimately, I convince myself that thoughts of suicide of low self-esteem are what I "deserve" after completing nothing in the day and I'm back to square one.

 

[onedayitsmytime]

I feel morally obliged to be as productive as possible since im eventually ctb and wouldnt want to leave any close ones on a sour note.

 

[BipolarExpress]

It's hard to be productive when all you want to do is kill yourself. I know I had a hard time getting much done at work today.