suicidal with ocd

[siphon_hyphen]

I'd really like to get responses from anyone else here who may have OCD as well. It truly makes my thoughts so, so, so much worse. It feels unfair. I find myself feeling spiteful, that I have to suffer a fate so many other people don't.

The solidarity could be nice, I think. I'd really like to hear other people's experiences with obsessive thoughts alongside their suicidal tendencies.

 

[thelostautistic]

Hi there. I haven't been assessed for or diagnosed with OCD but I have dealt with a lot of awful intrusive thoughts over the years.

 

[dance0nglass84]

Hi, I have OCD too. I think it's a part of why I'm chronically suicidal because I tend to ruminate on thoughts until i "solve" it.
I would get it with excessively praying and counting when I was younger, checking and making sure I wouldn't doom myself or my family for whatever reason, but with things like existential thoughts that have no clear answer to them, it's like the loop can repeat every day. To the point where I could go nights just pacing without sleeping because I need to continue thinking until a conclusion arrives "perfectly".
I've wasted away years of my life by just pacing and thinking lol, it's all I would do during high school which tanked my grades and made me ill due to lack of sleep (I would get on average around 3-5 hours of sleep a night bc of my compulsions)

To bring some hope though, my OCD actually did get better after I started meds (luvox), but I had to get off of it because it had made me anhedonic and suicidal in a different way. (And made me sleep too much and gain weight) But even after stopping, it really hasn't been as severe since then.