Suicidal as valentines day approaches

[FireFox]

Valentines day makes so suicidal, incomplete and It is a deeply painful reminder of love I never ever got to have. As a teenager I was girl who never a had childhood sweetheart, never got asked to prom and always experienced rejection and humiliation from guys I liked. In my 20s I grew up to be the woman that gets ignored and overlooked by men. It's hurts seeing women my age getting flowers, chocolates, cards and love from their husbands and boyfriends. All I see is everything I missed out on.

At 25 I can no longer cope anymore with the pain of years of heartbreak and rejection. All I wanted was to be loved by a man. There is no one for me in this world. It is too late for me. There is something wrong with me. I dont want to live anymore. The pain has finally broken me.

 

[lionetta12]

Valentines day makes so suicidal, incomplete and It is a deeply painful reminder of love I never ever got to have. As a teenager I was girl who never a had childhood sweetheart, never got asked to prom and always experienced rejection and humiliation from guys I liked. In my 20s I grew up to be the woman that gets ignored and overlooked by men. It's hurts seeing women my age getting flowers, chocolates, cards and love from their husbands and boyfriends. All I see is everything I missed out on.

At 25 I can no longer cope anymore with the pain of years of heartbreak and rejection. All I wanted was to be loved by a man. There is no one for me in this world. It is too late for me. I was made to be rejected. I dont want to live anymore.

I'll be consuming sleep pills that day so I can avoid it by sleeping through most of it, since my toe probably hasn't healed by then I won't be able to hang with any guys anyways during that event.

 

[reverse03]

Same. I will be leaving few days before that. I don't even want to stay the weekend before the 14th because all stuff everywhere will be about valentines. I don't want to be reminded by that stuff

 

[FuneralCry]

People just cause more suffering anyway so it's best to avoid them. Both life itself and humans are the problem and this is just the reality. Anything like valentines day is just so incredibly commercialised and it's just a way to scam people into buying useless items.

 

[FireFox]

I'll be consuming sleep pills that day so I can avoid it, since my toe probably hasn't healed by then I won't be able to hang with any guys anyways during that event.

@lionetta12 Virtual hug
I never thought I would be single at this age. Seeing women I grew up getting married or having serious relationships it is so hard. I have finally reached a point where I can't cope anymore. I used to be confident but the male rejection throughout my lifehas broken me.

Same. I will be leaving few days before that. I don't even want to stay the weekend before the 14th because all stuff everywhere will be about valentines. I don't want to be reminded by that stuff

@reverse03 where are you going? Do you mean leaving like travelling Somewhere or catching the bus. I am confused.

 

[FireFox]

People just cause more suffering anyway so it's best to avoid them. Both life itself and humans are the problem and this is just the reality. Anything like valentines day is just so incredibly commercialised and it's just a way to scam people into buying useless items.

@FuneralCry It is true Valentines day is commercialised just like Christmas and Easter but still it upsets me so much I have gone through my entire life never been loved and chosen to be that man's special person.

All I have ever known is male rejection.

 

[reverse03]

where are you going? Do you mean leaving like travelling Somewhere or catching the bus. I am confused.

I will ctb by sn. Hopefully I can do it and overcome si.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Valentines day makes so suicidal, incomplete and It is a deeply painful reminder of love I never ever got to have. As a teenager I was girl who never a had childhood sweetheart, never got asked to prom and always experienced rejection and humiliation from guys I liked. In my 20s I grew up to be the woman that gets ignored and overlooked by men. It's hurts seeing women my age getting flowers, chocolates, cards and love from their husbands and boyfriends. All I see is everything I missed out on.

At 25 I can no longer cope anymore with the pain of years of heartbreak and rejection. All I wanted was to be loved by a man. There is no one for me in this world. It is too late for me. There is something wrong with me. I dont want to live anymore. The pain has finally broken me.

Please, please, please don't think it is too late.

It met my husband when I was 35, married him at 38 and now we are in our fifties. If I had met him in my 20s, in high school or college, I wouldn't have given him a second look, and he wouldn't have been able to speak to me since he was so shy.

Love is not bound by age. It can happen after you've given up hope. There might be many reasons I hang out here, but I live because I am loved so much by this man.

It is possible. I swear.

 

[chocolatebar]

I'm back to this site, after being mostly unable to come here for quite some time, and it's so sad to see the people whom I have been walking together in this place still suffering from the same problems, without experiencing some change :(

But well, I'm here too, back with the same struggles as before...

So sorry for all that, @FireFox. I truly wish you find what you seek. <3

 

[NikePopuli]

All Valentine's Day reminds me of is how lonely I am and how lonely I'll always be. Certainly doesnt help the suicidal thoughts thats for sure

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Valentine's day is a bogus ass holiday. Like FC said, it's just another day invented to sell more worthless shit to make companies more money. If you have a wife or a sweetheart, everyday should be the day whereby you show your sweetheart how much you love them simply through your words and actions and by showing affection.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I don't like it either but I don't particularly like any celebration! They all tend to make me feel weird and compare myself to more normal people.

It's kind of odd because overall, I think I'm actually fairly ok with being single now. I think I have/had quite a fairytale idea of love which I know isn't realistic. Plus, I tend to be in limerance (crazy, obsessive crushes) rather than love- which tends to be an awful experience in the long run!

I'm sorry you feel this way. Not much help but know there will also be an enormous amount of lonely people out there on that day- along with all the happy (and unhappy) couples. I hope you find a way to distract yourself to get through it.

 

[FireFox]

I'm back to this site, after being mostly unable to come here for quite some time, and it's so sad to see the people whom I have been walking together in this place still suffering from the same problems, without experiencing some change :(

But well, I'm here too, back with the same struggles as before...

So sorry for all that, @FireFox. I truly wish you find what you seek. <3

@chocolatebar actually last year things did improve in my life. I went travelling to Venice on October then when I came back to the UK I managed to get a job. I started that new job on November and then I got on really well with this male work colleague who i talked pretty much daily. I thought he liked me as he kept chasing after me, complimenting me and was so nice, all my life guys ignored me and it was great having someone notice me for once. He breaks my heart.

I feel so alone again I really thought things this time would be different.

I wish you well too :)

 

[MlKE]

I don't even notice holidays anymore, there are only workdays when I'm busy at the job, and other days when I get busy with chores or with a hobby. Just staying busy and letting time pass, one day at a time.

 

[FireFox]

Yeah, I don't like it either but I don't particularly like any celebration! They all tend to make me feel weird and compare myself to more normal people.

It's kind of odd because overall, I think I'm actually fairly ok with being single now. I think I have/had quite a fairytale idea of love which I know isn't realistic. Plus, I tend to be in limerance (crazy, obsessive crushes) rather than love- which tends to be an awful experience in the long run!

I'm sorry you feel this way. Not much help but know there will also be an enormous amount of lonely people out there on that day- along with all the happy (and unhappy) couples. I hope you find a way to distract yourself to get through it.

@Forever Sleep I have found ways to distract myself already.

*I am back again abusing laxatives and appetite suppressants. When I was living and working aboard last month I was laxative free. When I came back to the UK I started my laxative abuse. When I abuse laxatives I feel tired, light headed and absolutely no emotions. It is so amazing. I love how the physical pain numbs all my emotions

* I have been hemp shopping. I have brought my cookies and now I am ordering a new hemp tea. Valentines day I will be having a hemp night.

 

[Lavender Dreams]

I feel you, for the past months I had 14th February typed as the final day - a joke about having a date with the bus driver, and hoping he'll turn up. The day itself fills me with indescribable dread.

I don't intend to come across as undermining your experience, but I'd argue you still have plenty of time to meet someone, and shouldn't give up for that reason. A coincidence might be all that's needed.

 

[Rocinante]

I was thinking this too, with the holiday coming up. Another year alone.

But I was told this by a Pakistani bro. Only Western countries put values on days like that.

It's brutal being alone and seeing others/couples show affection toward each other but everywhere else in the world it's just another day. So I will still be upset over the fact, but it's at least a bit more bearable.

 

[FireFox]

Please, please, please don't think it is too late.

It met my husband when I was 35, married him at 38 and now we are in our fifties. If I had met him in my 20s, in high school or college, I wouldn't have given him a second look, and he wouldn't have been able to speak to me since he was so shy.

Love is not bound by age. It can happen after you've given up hope. There might be many reasons I hang out here, but I live because I am loved so much by this man.

It is possible. I swear.

@UpandDownPrincess Thank you so much I have enjoyed reading this. Male rejection is all I have ever known even my own father rejected me. Sometimes I think I am cursed and unlovable.

Growing up seeing all the other girls at school being chosen and asked out by the boys i always felt like there was something wrong with me never being picked or asked out by the boys at school, i felt like i was not pretty and special like the other girls at school who got chosen. Naturally as a child and teenager I was confident, partpicated in class discussions, stood up for myself against the arseholes bullying me and I liked talking to people but the boys at school thought I was weird and builled me, I was seen as the werid girl

Seeing the other girls at school having boyfriends it was like everyone was growing up except me. My own childhood close friend once she got a boyfriend she stopped hanging out with me at school.

As I grow older I do feel like I have failed, completely failed as a woman and new grew to be a real woman. When it comes to relationships I know absolutely nothing and I feel so underdeveloped in my sexuality because of my abscence of sexual relationships

When I hear women share their stories of love i can not relate that at all and neither can women relate to my experiences of never being there man's special chosen woman. I feel like an outsider.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Loneliness is a terrible burden to bear, so I get that it can feel particularly alienating around this time of year.

Try not to let it get to you too much and treat it as any other day. Use it as a day to do something you enjoy and don't go on any social media.

We constantly compare ourselves to our peers in relationships, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

 

[chocolatebar]

@chocolatebar actually last year things did improve in my life. I went travelling to Venice on October then when I came back to the UK I managed to get a job. I started that new job on November and then I got on really well with this male work colleague who i talked pretty much daily. I thought he liked me as he kept chasing after me, complimenting me and was so nice, all my life guys ignored me and it was great having someone notice me for once. He breaks my heart.

I feel so alone again I really thought things this time would be different.

I wish you well too :)

It's nice to see some changes. I'm sorry things didn't work out as expected.

I had some changes in the last few months too, but it all ended up a huge mess. Feels like escaping from a cage and feeling the breeze through my wings for a few seconds, just to be caught and locked again.

I don't know how these kind of episodes feel to you, but they put me into a duality, as part of me believes it's possible for something good to happen, but the other part feels even worse, like these brief moments being a reminder of what I always missed, like an advanced form of torture.

Mind if I ask you how was it in Venice? Was it a short travel? How did the change of scenario feel to you?

 

[oneeyed]

All I have ever known is male rejection.

Mostly same with me but regarding women. I have had dates/relationship but they either ended shortly or immediately friend zoned. The last relationship was the longest, albiet not long at all compared to other people I know, first girl I said that I loved her. Eventually she said it back, never meant anything to her as she admitted later on that she didn't mean it and gave a bs reason.

The rejections definitely take a toll on you mentally so I'm sympathetic. Unfortunately with some people such as us, it takes tons of rejections before possibly finding a good match. Not going to belittle what you're feeling and say "don't worry, it'll happen", what you also have to realize is that you may have gone through even worse heartbreak from men taking advantage of your feelings towards them but it's not reciprocated. Trust me, that sucks.