Venting Suicidal arousal

[blankfairy]

I often feel slight butterflies in my stomach when I am intensely suicidal and also having a strong crying attack. It feels usually very overwhelming but also calming to me. I don't know if anyone also experienced that

 

[Doll Steak]

I experience that kind of thing too, It's a feeling I cant really describe, Maybe like a weird violent feeling of euphoria? I start to imagine my own body after death, maybe someone finding me, then I get the butterfly feeling along with intense adrenaline, joy, and passion.

 

[AuraByte]

I totally understand what you mean. It's almost like an euphoric feeling.

 

[blankfairy]

I experience that kind of thing too, It's a feeling I cant really describe, Maybe like a weird violent feeling of euphoria? I start to imagine my own body after death, maybe someone finding me, then I get the butterfly feeling along with intense adrenaline, joy, and passion as I fantasize about it.

Exactly, it's very much violent euphoria, it's still very subtle though, I hope one day it will be so overwhelming that I will finally do it without any worry and fear in the world. I totally get what you're onto

 

[Cauliflour]

Exactly, it's very much violent euphoria, it's still very subtle though, I hope one day it will be so overwhelming that I will finally do it without any worry and fear in the world. I totally get what you're onto

I just straight up daydream about killing myself and how people react. Do this fairly often too; was walking down the road from my bus stop today and I was thinking of some plan for how to kill myself in 20 years time.
When I was feeling very suicidal though I was essentially in a mental scream of a conflict of interest so I don't think that's related. Sorry.

 

[Dejected 55]

Well... there is auto-erotic asphyxiation. People have killed themselves masturbating while hanging themselves for pleasure. Not always sure whether they wanted to die or if the death was accidental. As in... some might have wanted one last orgasm as they turn off the lights... others wanted the thrill of being near-death and accidentally went too far.

So... it's not a stretch to find yourself a little excited by suicidal thoughts. I'm not... but I can see how it might work like that for some.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I often feel slight butterflies in my stomach when I am intensely suicidal and also having a strong crying attack. It feels usually very overwhelming but also calming to me. I don't know if anyone also experienced that

I've felt that many times before. It feels like you're desperate to die, but your survival instincts are desperate for you to survive.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

There is from my short reaserch there is a paper about it and its not that uncommon. I also was in a relationship with a person who felt aroused by the prospect of death etheir by me or by herself. The calming feeling might come from the fact that thinking about CTB can be calming from the fact that u would be ending your suffering. Im going to quote the results of the paper here "heightened arousal interacted with capability for suicide to prospectively predict death by suicide, such that, as severity of heightened arousal symptoms increased, the likelihood of death by suicide increased among individuals high but not low on capability for suicide." Much love

 

[skeptikus]

Not sure if you are talking about the same thing. But when stressed, furious, hopeless, or simply surrendered, I just imagine CTB and make detailed plans on what I will do before I CTB. I then magically feel better. But this does not work all the time.

That's why I'm not sure if I really want to CTB or it just became a habit of mind, not different from a kid doing his homework because of the promised treat after.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Well... there is auto-erotic asphyxiation. People have killed themselves masturbating while hanging themselves for pleasure. Not always sure whether they wanted to die or if the death was accidental. As in... some might have wanted one last orgasm as they turn off the lights... others wanted the thrill of being near-death and accidentally went too far.

So... it's not a stretch to find yourself a little excited by suicidal thoughts. I'm not... but I can see how it might work like that for some.

There is an extreme form of masochism called autassassinophilia. That means that people get sexual aroused by planning and preparing their death. A number of cases, when those candidates really died, is known, but this is only the tip of the iceberg.

I guess this has nothing to do with to topic of this thread.