Venting Sudden understanding of why people impulsively off themselves

[3/4Dead]

I've been thinking over time that I will not kill myself on impulse, that I'll only do it after serious planning and calculation, and even though its rooted in my emotions I will not let them take the wheel and risk making an irrational or irrisponsible decision.

Today I had a meltdown, which I haven't in a while, and midway through I got a sudden increase in suicidality. I realized that I had not felt that trapped in ages. It felt like the walls were all closing in on me (figuratively) and that was really the only way out. Even after calming down I was still trying to talk myself out of impulsively getting close with a doorknob and a sturdy belt.

Pretty much back to baseline now but yeesh I really get why it can feel so uncontrollable for so many people now.

 

[steppingoff]

The benefit of doing it on an impulse is the momentum it creates. You focus and just do it

I have had attempts on impulse

And I'm just waiting for that impulse. Alll planned so I don't have think I just do.