Stuck

[hopelessgirl]

I'm so fucking sad. So ive been suicidal since 2016. Havent worked in two years. Did psychodynamic therapy in those two years and tried countless of medication, lsd, shrooms, mindfulness, bought a dog. Whatever.

Anyways I have methods to get out of here. But now I just realised that I won't even remember the peace I will find when I pass and the rest I so much want. Because I believe death is just nothingness. And so suicide suddenly seems counter intuitive to me. And so suddenly i feel fucking stuck on earth. Anyone else been through this?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yeah I feel that. Like the work you have to do can only be done while you're alive because you're going to die one day anyway.

At least, that's been my feeling.

 

[pinstripe]

It's amazing what the brain does when contemplating death isn't it? What seems important and what doesn't...

I know the important thing is to be done and gone and yet I want to "feel like myself" when I go. It's ultimately arbitrary.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

It's sometimes frustrating when I think that when I'm dead I won't be able to enjoy it. But still worth it for me. I just want out.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I have thought about this, the not knowing that feeling of peace if you ctb.
But my depression is so severe don't care if I don't know. Also, there "could" be something after death. Nobody knows that for certain.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's a weird paradox definitely. So looking forward to the sense of peace and relief we may not even be able to feel after we've died. I think that's why I'm making the most of passive ideation now. While I still have feelings, I enjoy the sense of release I feel when I think about death. Then of course, active ideation chips in and reminds me I will need to brutally kill myself in order to achieve that release. Kind of kills the moment really.

It's so similar to the feeling I got when I resigned from a really stressful job. That was utterly joyous. I felt like I was walking on clouds for a while. It's bizarre. To enjoy the feeling of life, I almost need to contemplate death now! The irony.

I think it's because the reality of life actually sucks. It's all working and chores that- if you neglect, you suffer even more. It's like life has become faulty so, why wouldn't we want to return it to the manufacturer?

It's sort of sad that we may not get that sense of peace after death but then- it does mean no more days full of shit. That's a positive. Not to feel at all seems better than feeling so many negative things.

 

[SuicideKurt]

the absence of suffering is good, even if there is no one to experience it

 

[Unknown21]

Exactly how i feel lately, you're not alone.

 

[PI3.14]

I relate to this too. It's not my desire to suicide but I'm cornered.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yes the sweet promise of peace in the grave on one shoulder, and thoughts of afterlife on the other. Worse is that I was gone, but revived because "it would get better".

 

[hopelessgirl]

the absence of suffering is good, even if there is no one to experience it

This might help me