Venting stuck (prob another rant idk)

[⋆♡⋆ riri ⋆♡⋆]

its like everything i do isnt good i literally dont know what to do anymore. i fucked things up at my job by forgetting to go to my shift. i was supposed to be the only one working there too so things went to shit and my managers are mad at me and dont want to talk. i went there to apologize and i was going to own up to it and offer my help and i was really going to buckle down and commit if they let me. but i also went to get fired ngl. i was going to apologize and either tell them to fire me or just quit. but nobody wanted to talk so i left. now i think quitting is the best option for all parties because im flaking on everyone and i dont want to keep getting their hopes up. but i dont know who to contact because my only two contacts are the lady that makes the schedules and my cousin that works there. she helped me get the job btw so i also made her look bad. but yeah i dont know who to tell that im quitting there are like no good options here. i wanted to explain myself but i dont think i deserve to be heard out because ive let them down and made them believe they could depend on me. now i want to kill myself to prove the sincerity of my feelings but i dont know how. im in my car rn at some gas station ive never been to before. i was going to get a bunch of over the counter stuff and go from there but i just saw the thread of all the methods that WONT kill you. i just feel stuck. i want to make things better but they dont want to talk so i dont know when or if i'll ever get the chance. so i thought quitting would be better. but im not owning up to my mistakes if i do that. so i thought okay i can kill myself to show them i really am sorry. but i dont know how. i feel like maybe im just making excuses now but i just dont know what to do. i wanted to cry but i told myself i dont deserve that. im the one that let people down, i dont deserve to feel bad. so i didnt. but now i cant even cry. i just dont know what to do anymore. i cant go home because my parents know about everything since my cousin is involved too. i want to kill myself which is the easy way out but im not sure what else to do. i shouldnt say "oh sorry yeah i messed up" and continue with my life. i think i genuinely deserve to die now because i keep letting people down. this was the final straw. i dont want to crash my car because its my parents, i dont own it. i dont want to leave behind more burdens. i just want to disappear in private so nobody will have to worry or care anymore. this sucks. i think killing myself is the only option but i cant even do that.

 

[StupidCat]

Hang in there. Clear your mind a bit. And tell your cousin you are grateful for helping you out with the job but that is not for you and you're planning to quit.

 

[⋆♡⋆ riri ⋆♡⋆]

its like everything i do isnt good i literally dont know what to do anymore. i fucked things up at my job by forgetting to go to my shift. i was supposed to be the only one working there too so things went to shit and my managers are mad at me and dont want to talk. i went there to apologize and i was going to own up to it and offer my help and i was really going to buckle down and commit if they let me. but i also went to get fired ngl. i was going to apologize and either tell them to fire me or just quit. but nobody wanted to talk so i left. now i think quitting is the best option for all parties because im flaking on everyone and i dont want to keep getting their hopes up. but i dont know who to contact because my only two contacts are the lady that makes the schedules and my cousin that works there. she helped me get the job btw so i also made her look bad. but yeah i dont know who to tell that im quitting there are like no good options here. i wanted to explain myself but i dont think i deserve to be heard out because ive let them down and made them believe they could depend on me. now i want to kill myself to prove the sincerity of my feelings but i dont know how. im in my car rn at some gas station ive never been to before. i was going to get a bunch of over the counter stuff and go from there but i just saw the thread of all the methods that WONT kill you. i just feel stuck. i want to make things better but they dont want to talk so i dont know when or if i'll ever get the chance. so i thought quitting would be better. but im not owning up to my mistakes if i do that. so i thought okay i can kill myself to show them i really am sorry. but i dont know how. i feel like maybe im just making excuses now but i just dont know what to do. i wanted to cry but i told myself i dont deserve that. im the one that let people down, i dont deserve to feel bad. so i didnt. but now i cant even cry. i just dont know what to do anymore. i cant go home because my parents know about everything since my cousin is involved too. i want to kill myself which is the easy way out but im not sure what else to do. i shouldnt say "oh sorry yeah i messed up" and continue with my life. i think i genuinely deserve to die now because i keep letting people down. this was the final straw. i dont want to crash my car because its my parents, i dont own it. i dont want to leave behind more burdens. i just want to disappear in private so nobody will have to worry or care anymore. this sucks. i think killing myself is the only option but i cant even do that.

and now my mom is calling bugging me to "hang out" and she knows i dont want to and i feel pike shit and she still went "what did i do to you" so i just hung up i cant do that rn idc if shes mad at me now its just a drop in the bucket maybe she'll finally start hitting me again who knows

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I'm an older guy who's worked for a million years and strange as it sounds I feel a lot like what you described here, almost every day. I screw things up all the time, make a fool out of myself, and can't communicate normally with anyone. And I ignore all unrequested advice, but here goes anyway... maybe just see what happens if you show up for your next shift and don't talk about it. I am continually amazed at how badly people screw up at work and just keep going. You sound like a good person, just stuck in this hell we're all in. I hope things work out.