Stuck on this axis

[esann7]

It's funny how a lot of people from work and school admire me. They invite me to celebrations, events, hire me to be a teaching assistant, mentor, research assistant (shitty pay, but still hired). I'm always the person going above and beyond for others, helping my family with finances &other favors, and just being put on a pedestal by coworkers, colleagues, friends, and acquaintances. But I'm sick of this, I'm sick and tired of always going above and beyond. I'm sick and tired of worrying wether my paycheck won't be enough to pay the bills, I'm sick and tired of living a life I never asked for…ive been sick of it for a while now. I was going to CTB several months ago and then I basically left it in the back burner, but now I am revisiting these intentions. But at the same its going to hurt when others find out I'm suicidal/ attempt suicide/ have CTB'd. I know I will be the talk of the town and I know my friends and family will become destroyed… sigh..

 

[rationalis]

You sound like a great person. Hopefully some people can value you. If you get a chance to be honest about how you feel, maybe try it.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It is a sick world where people only value you for what you can do for them. Classmates, coworkers, friends, lovers, parents, etc. They all expect and want something from you.

After handing out pieces of yourself to all those who had their fill, you have nothing left for yourself. Existence is exhausting. Why are we expected to be grateful for a shitty life we never even asked for?

 

[Snake of Eden]

It is a sick world where people only value you for what you can do for them. Classmates, coworkers, friends, lovers, parents, etc. They all expect and want something from you.

When you have nothing to give no one even acknowledges your existence in an enthusiastic manner anymore. When you are a burden without choice of your own they will make sure to let you know they feel that way about you.

 

[Crazy4u]

being alive to please others is exhausting. I stopped thinking about goals, hobbies, and interests because I cannot pursue anything. I don't have resources and never will.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

being alive to please others is exhausting. I stopped thinking about goals, hobbies, and interests because I cannot pursue anything. I don't have resources and never will.

It is hard enough to stay afloat much less actively pursue hobbies and dreams. Just waiting around to die is a fate that I have begrudgingly accepted. Living this way is so exhausting. Especially when you see other people living good lives. I am not sure what is stopping me from ctb. I have everything ready to go and I can do it anytime. Yet I am still here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it frustrating how we were forced to exist without choice and we have all these pressures and expectations placed on us. We are brought into this world just to suffer. This life can be very tiring. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[esann7]

This arguement is pretty valid. A lot of people ridicule us for saying "it's not okay to bring someone in this world without their consent" but the more we think about it, the more valid it sounds. We never made the choice to be born. That was our parents' choice. And From the moment we are born, we are expected to grow, learn, become responsible human beings, earn an income, attain a certain skill, and look out for others. It's a contract we never chose to sign yet we are demonized for being "irresponsible", broke, poor..even expressing the idea of suicide is demonized

I find it frustrating how we were forced to exist without choice and we have all these pressures and expectations placed on us.

This is pretty valid