What if I hadn't let myself get to this point.
I have sabotaged my own life. For some reason I am unable to feel things rationally, I have to feel an emotion to its full extent or I don't feel it all.
So when my boyfriend broke up with me to go travelling for a year I was heartbroken. A rational reaction, I would be concerned if I hadn't been upset by this.
My stupid, fucking problem is that I can't just be sad for a bit, even just have a week or two of rotting in my bed and feeling sorry for myself, and then pull myself together (still feeling sad) but functioning. No. I don't just feel this emotion, I let it consume me. I let it take away my social life, I let it ruin my body, I let it hurt the people around me and I let it take me to a point of what feels like no return.
What if I had just not let it.
What if I had told it that I was going to get out bed today? Or I was going to have a shower and be able to look in the mirror and not feel such disgust towards myself because I would never treat someone else like that, so why would I treat myself in such a way?
As I'm writing this I'm realising that I could just change the tenses. What if I tell..
Okay I'm gonna cut my past-self some slack because I could be telling that same voice to fuck off right now and instead I'm wallowing on this site.
It's not easy to argue with your own mind. There's no escape from the voice in your head and when you've trusted yourself for so long, why would you not trust it now?
Because in the same way that we use the analogy 'actions speak louder than words' to justify the true intent of someone else, we should be applying that to the voice in our head too.
"No one will love you when you look like this." Yet I have most definitely been loved before.
Actions speak louder than words.
"You are a worthless waste of space." I have made people laugh, I have given good advice to friends, I have comforted loved ones when they're sad.
Actions speak louder than words.
So what if I stop letting the voice in my head speak and start letting the actions speak.
I have sabotaged my own life. For some reason I am unable to feel things rationally, I have to feel an emotion to its full extent or I don't feel it all.
So when my boyfriend broke up with me to go travelling for a year I was heartbroken. A rational reaction, I would be concerned if I hadn't been upset by this.
My stupid, fucking problem is that I can't just be sad for a bit, even just have a week or two of rotting in my bed and feeling sorry for myself, and then pull myself together (still feeling sad) but functioning. No. I don't just feel this emotion, I let it consume me. I let it take away my social life, I let it ruin my body, I let it hurt the people around me and I let it take me to a point of what feels like no return.
What if I had just not let it.
What if I had told it that I was going to get out bed today? Or I was going to have a shower and be able to look in the mirror and not feel such disgust towards myself because I would never treat someone else like that, so why would I treat myself in such a way?
As I'm writing this I'm realising that I could just change the tenses. What if I tell..
Okay I'm gonna cut my past-self some slack because I could be telling that same voice to fuck off right now and instead I'm wallowing on this site.
It's not easy to argue with your own mind. There's no escape from the voice in your head and when you've trusted yourself for so long, why would you not trust it now?
Because in the same way that we use the analogy 'actions speak louder than words' to justify the true intent of someone else, we should be applying that to the voice in our head too.
"No one will love you when you look like this." Yet I have most definitely been loved before.
Actions speak louder than words.
"You are a worthless waste of space." I have made people laugh, I have given good advice to friends, I have comforted loved ones when they're sad.
Actions speak louder than words.
So what if I stop letting the voice in my head speak and start letting the actions speak.
