Venting Stuck in bed because I'm afraid I'll be impulsive

[junko]

...and the only methods I have available to me are low success.

I thought I found a source for SN, but turns it they only ship to stores and the only store nearest to me is a state away. Other sources I've found since are sold out. I also can't seem to find any hints as to the abbreviations for SN sources here, so I'm stuck.

Slept all day yesterday because I knew I'd try to CTB if I didn't. Can only sleep an hour at a time now, and each time I have nightmares about family members.

I know this has been asked a million times, but why is this so hard? Tested out starvation + dehydration last week and SI kicked in later than expected but harder than I thought it would. I don't want to CTB using household cleaners but it looks like that's my only option at this point.

I just wish I could remember what it felt like to have options. To have a future worth fighting for. Too bad neither is true now.

 

[Sulyya]

Some people mention being stuck in bed, often due to low motivation. That's awful about the nightmares.

 

[elgato]

...and the only methods I have available to me are low success.

I thought I found a source for SN, but turns it they only ship to stores and the only store nearest to me is a state away. Other sources I've found since are sold out. I also can't seem to find any hints as to the abbreviations for SN sources here, so I'm stuck.

Slept all day yesterday because I knew I'd try to CTB if I didn't. Can only sleep an hour at a time now, and each time I have nightmares about family members.

I know this has been asked a million times, but why is this so hard? Tested out starvation + dehydration last week and SI kicked in later than expected but harder than I thought it would. I don't want to CTB using household cleaners but it looks like that's my only option at this point.

I just wish I could remember what it felt like to have options. To have a future worth fighting for. Too bad neither is true now.

if right now you can't ctb in a way that has a high success rate I think you should try other methods of distracting yourself from the thoughts.
house hold cleaners are really ineffective, I tried and just kept drinking daily with no effect. not just in suicide but in life you have tons of options. your last method was extreme and your body needs time to recover. eat and drink more than usual to get in the right headspace for you next plan whatever that might be.
I know a effective house hold method that could of made me ctb if I didn't back out
I hope you can find the strength to get out of bed and take care of yourself ♡⁠(⁠˃͈⁠ ⁠દ⁠ ⁠˂͈⁠ ⁠༶⁠ ⁠) if you still want to CBT you need to be in the right headspace !!!

 

[junko]

if right now you can't ctb in a way that has a high success rate I think you should try other methods of distracting yourself from the thoughts.
house hold cleaners are really ineffective, I tried and just kept drinking daily with no effect. not just in suicide but in life you have tons of options. your last method was extreme and your body needs time to recover. eat and drink more than usual to get in the right headspace for you next plan whatever that might be.
I know a effective house hold method that could of made me ctb if I didn't back out
I hope you can find the strength to get out of bed and take care of yourself ♡⁠(⁠˃͈⁠ ⁠દ⁠ ⁠˂͈⁠ ⁠༶⁠ ⁠) if you still want to CBT you need to be in the right headspace !!!

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words

I'm in a situation that I'm likely not going to get out of, and my two options are homelessness in an area with no homeless shelters or CTB. So CTB seems the most likely option no matter what, haha

The only cleaner that I know of that has a high success rate is an awful, horrific way to go, so it's my last ditch effort. But it's there!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm also trapped in this world because finally leaving it is just so difficult. I hate how suicide isn't easier for us, I view it as being cruel how the more peaceful methods are restricted from us. As humans we shouldn't have to suffer so much to die when we are all just destined to die anyway. It really sounds so awful what you have to endure, life really is so unnecessarily cruel so I hope that you find the freedom that you are searching for.