Venting Stuck between suicide and facing reality

[Onlywayout]

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place knowing that I must CTB or somehow force myself to become an independent useful member of society..I haven't worked for 8 months and can't think of anything worse than slaving 8 hours a day 5 days a week to merely survive and avoid being homeless. I struggle to go to the supermarket and get in and out as fast as I can. I am so afraid of both the pain and struggling of killing myself as well as the other option of facing the overwhelming task of continuing life and trying to make it better . It is a horrible feeling

 

[bigj75]

I'm in the same boat but think I've finally reached the breaking point to where I don't care about anything except wanting to ctb.

 

[Maravillosa]

If you are in the US, do you think you could qualify for SSI or SSDI? If you qualify, that might give you a reprieve of sorts so that you do not feel like you must either endure the 8 to 5 routine or ctb.

 

[Onlywayout]

If you are in the US, do you think you could qualify for SSI or SSDI? If you qualify, that might give you a reprieve of sorts so that you do not feel like you must either endure the 8 to 5 routine or ctb.

I'm in Australia but guessing that's like welfare? I'm in welfare but it leaves me with 15 dollars a fortnight after rent have been chewing through savings to survive but I am hardly living anyhow may as well be dead I just get up browse the internet watch tv eat and sleep

 

[Maravillosa]

I'm in Australia but guessing that's like welfare? I'm in welfare but it leaves me with 15 dollars a fortnight after rent have been chewing through savings to survive but I am hardly living anyhow may as well be dead I just get up browse the internet watch tv eat and sleep

SSI and SSDI are programs for people with disabilities, which I think would pay a bit more than most forms of welfare or unemployment insurance. If one is depressed enough to be suicidal, I would think that one would qualify (I certainly qualified for SSI -- on my first try, without having to make an appeal):

https://www.ssa.gov/disability/

 

[111aaa]

Suicide is my only hope too. I have no chance to leave the Hell what my life became only death. And there is no easy way to me I have to hang myself. Panic, fear, sleepless nights, disgusting days of torture and my rope is always in my pocket. I hate it. I hate when I practising with it in the bathroom and feel the terror of blackout. I see the pictures and videos of hanged, terrible. Trapped and alone like you. I'm weak. No help.

 

[Mljonzy]

I feel your pain i work at the moment and it is awful i don't want to contribute anything to our society becuse our society doesn't deserve it they fucking failed all of us. Suicide is my way out and i need to do it as quick as i can because i don't want to keep holding it off i have had enough. I should quit the job that might help me move closer to suicide.

 

[millefeui]

I choose to ignore (our) reality long ago. Life is significantly better but of course, I still want to die. Sadly staying home 24/7 isn't an option for everyone, I know.

 

[worldexploder]

If you are in the US, do you think you could qualify for SSI or SSDI? If you qualify, that might give you a reprieve of sorts so that you do not feel like you must either endure the 8 to 5 routine or ctb.

That's what I had since 2011. Never was able to work. It took me two years to get it once I applied in 09 but it was worth it.