Struggling with grief

[iamrealandyouarenot]

Im incapable of coping with grief and keep losing people. I realized that I will never escape this. It's just going to keep happening every few years. The first time it happened I stayed in my home for a year. It's happening again and I don't understand how people just continue to live like this. I don't know how people focus. The first event happened 3 years ago and I was just starting to feel normal again. I think I'm done with it, but I have guilt knowing I'll be putting others through the same.

 

[Regen]

I'm not quite sure what you mean, do you mean the sadness when a person dies? Or when relationships break up?

When someone you're very attached to dies, it can take up to three years to feel okay. I think if you grieve more and more intensely than most other people, there may be deeper reasons for it. Maybe you experienced terrible losses as a child or were abandoned by important people, so that these old wounds reopen. Perhaps there are unresolved issues with the deceased. If you feel like you lose more often than other people you care about, you may have experienced loss or unstable, unreliable relationships early in your life. The loss of caregivers is life-threatening for children, and the loss also feels existentially threatening in adulthood.

These are just my ideas, maybe you can do something with them, maybe it doesn't fit. I'm very sorry that you keep having this terrible experience that tears the ground out from under your feet. I'm sending you love.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can relate to that. I got to a point I suppose where I felt like the joy of having people I loved in life didn't warrant the risk of losing them again. Either through death or just simply changing life circumstances and, drifting apart. Quite a few years back I made an almost conscious decision not to form new friendships. Plus, the likely prospect of CTB some day also made that feel like the more moral thing to do.

It's so hard to live as an island though. There are still one of two older friends I still keep in touch with and I'm so grateful for this forum to provide some social interaction. I wonder if I'll ever regret my decision. Guess it depends how long I live.

But yes, I also feel the pressure to try not to inflict that grief on others. I've held on till now. In my mid 40's now. Had ideation since I was 10. I really only have one remaining person now I think it would severley affect- my Dad. I think after that, I may finally feel able to go at least.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand wanting to be free from all the suffering, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.