
nihilism44
trying my best
- May 2, 2021
- 79
I am not planning to ctb for a little while.. I'd like to try to hold out a little bit longer before I make that decision. I have a small bit of hope left. I would like to have something on hand, though. I was really considering ordering SN.. but something about it just feels off to me. I'm afraid of suffering.. it seems that everyone thinks it is "peaceful" but death by lack of oxygen does not sound peaceful to me. I'm not afraid of pain as much as I am afraid of awareness that I am dying. I have a panic disorder and I know my SI would go into overdrive the minute I feel myself dying. I would rather not have a panic attack while I'm going out. Am I just overthinking it? Or maybe I should look more into ordering N?