Venting Struggling to live for myself

[IHurtTheOneILove]

I feel as if I'm alive to be perceived through the lens of others. When I was accepted into nursing school instead of celebrating for myself I felt the need to tell everyone so that I could feel a faux sense of companionship.

The hollowness I felt wasnt my meds I think I'm just incapable of living if for myself. I'm thinking of getting a plan set to attempt again. It feels like such a waste because I have this huge opportunity in front of me. But as it is now I can't stand to live like this. I'm absolutely miserable and I have nobody to blame but myself.

It's all so pathetic and I feel genuinely fucking miserable I just wanna CTB already. I accomplished getting into the school thats all I needed to know.

Sorry for being a whiny bitch rn I'm spiraling hard and need somewhere to write this out.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you feel this way.

Was nursing your choice of career? Is it something you personally get something from?

I don't know that it is unusual to not be too excited to get in to a university or, do well in a test. I think I was always looking at worries ahead of me all the time so, I never really enjoyed achievements much either.

 

[IHurtTheOneILove]

I'm sorry you feel this way.

Was nursing your choice of career? Is it something you personally get something from?

I don't know that it is unusual to not be too excited to get in to a university or, do well in a test. I think I was always looking at worries ahead of me all the time so, I never really enjoyed achievements much either.

Nursing was my career of choice. It's always been a dream of mine to have a job where I could help people at their lowest. This gives me that opportunity but I can't forsee being happy in the future remotely.

Call it cowardace, call it being a loser, I just can't stand to live a life knowing I missed up the one good thing going for me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Nursing was my career of choice. It's always been a dream of mine to have a job where I could help people at their lowest. This gives me that opportunity but I can't forsee being happy in the future remotely.

Call it cowardace, call it being a loser, I just can't stand to live a life knowing I missed up the one good thing going for me.

I don't think it's either cowardice or being a loser. It's just that awful realisation that maybe what you thought would bring you happiness maybe won't.

I'm in the same mindset to you by the way. It's just that I'm older and at least at the moment, doing my 'dream career' yet, it isn't giving me what it used to.

Personally, I don't feel pathetic about that though. It's just how things have turned out.

I can't really know for you. Obviously, you know yourself best. Did anything specific happen to make you think this won't end up giving you the life you want? It doesn't sound like you have messed it up yet though. Have you actually started the course?