Struggling to eat

[4_science]

Today has been a very bad day for me. I have stayed in bed for hours thinking of different methods to die and how I could bring myself to it (i.e. how to overcome my fear of heights to do a jump or stab myself in the heart). I know stabbing is not a good choice. My ideas just get more violent in my imagination.

Most of the time I don´t feel hungry. I don´t eat for up to 3 days. When I finally do I manage to eat one slice of cheese and feel full after that. I felt hungry today. Heard my tummy growl at me performing whale calls. Yet somehow I couldn´t bring myself to eat or don´t bother to. I have lost quite some weight. I´ll talk about med change with my psychiatrist in about two weeks time.

When I heard my tummy perform whale calls I kind of thought: "Look at you, you pitiful bitch, begging for food. I´m struggling to stay alive whilst you think of food."

What do you do in situations like that? Have you ever felt like that? I don´t have an eating disorder. Severe depression though and I hate myself.

 

[divinemistress87]

I'm sure you have heard this before but Marijuana is the best appetite inducer

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

At least drink some Boost shakes for nutrition.

 

[4_science]

CBT is not legal here and I think it is gross.

For "nutrition" I take multivitamin pills every day along with the usual meds. I drink water, red bull and booze. At least I am not dehydrated.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

It sounds more like something physical going on or possibly depression related than an eating disorder. Eating disorders are a psychiatric illness related to obsessive thoughts around food and weight. With the lack of hunger and the feelings of being full so quickly I would definitely talk to your doctor. Especially if you've had recent med changes it could be messing with your appetite and hunger cues. You also may have "shrunk your stomach" so to speak from not eating for so long that it doesn't take long to get full. Try to gradually increase your meal sizes and opt for higher calorie foods if you are looking to fix the issue. I'm sorry you're struggling.

 

[4_science]

It sounds more like something physical going on or possibly depression related than an eating disorder. Eating disorders are a psychiatric illness related to obsessive thoughts around food and weight. With the lack of hunger and the feelings of being full so quickly I would definitely talk to your doctor. Especially if you've had recent med changes it could be messing with your appetite and hunger cues. You also may have "shrunk your stomach" so to speak from not eating for so long that it doesn't take long to get full. Try to gradually increase your meal sizes and opt for higher calorie foods if you are looking to fix the issue. I'm sorry you're struggling.

I haven´t had my meds changed yet. I am planning to. The appointment is in two weeks time. I need to be smart about it though since psychiatrist always lets me pick what I want or would think beneficial when I am not rational if it concerns me personally.

Yeah, like I said I don´t have an eating disorder.

I didn´t think about physical changes like stomach shrinking that would occur naturally over prolonged periods of eating very little just floating it with fluids. Thank you for reminding me and thank you for your kind words. <3 I´ll try to add small amounts to get used to food again. I´ll probably have to force myself to do it since depression kicks me down.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I haven´t had my meds changed yet. I am planning to. The appointment is in two weeks time. I need to be smart about it though since psychiatrist always lets me pick what I want or would think beneficial when I am not rational if it concerns me personally.

Yeah, like I said I don´t have an eating disorder.

I didn´t think about physical changes like stomach shrinking that would occur naturally over prolonged periods of eating very little just floating it with fluids. Thank you for reminding me and thank you for your kind words. <3 I´ll try to add small amounts to get used to food again. I´ll probably have to force myself to do it since depression kicks me down.

Keep small but high calorie snacks in your room. I know many (myself included) don't like eating in bed, but we all know sometimes with depression that's all you can get yourself to do. That way the food is there as both a reminder and a way to not have to get up to go get it.