Venting ♡ My Vents (No pressure if you don't want to read it) ♡

[xxCuteSprinklesxx]

Hello everyone!

You can call me Sprinkles for now. I'm 20m years old and I'm from Singapore! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Some of you here might know that my childhood wasn't a happy one. I was bullied relentlessly—by both boys and girls—and those experiences left scars so deep that I still feel them today. As a boy, I always thought I should just toughen up, especially when it came to being bullied by girls. But I couldn't. Their words and their actions... they broke me in ways I didn't know were possible. And I've often wondered so many times: "Do girls bully worse than boys?". To be honest, I think they do. Even now as I'm writing this, I'm having a panic attack. It's like I'm right back there again, trapped in those moments. It's so hard to forget.

Anyway, the past is the past, I don't wish to talk about the past again... it hurts too much. >.<

Moving forward to the present, I'm currently serving my compulsory National Service (NS), much like Koreans do. However, I'm currently on MC under my psychologist's care because something happened during my NS which I don't feel comfortable sharing. I'm sorry ( >_< ''). To my fellow male Singaporeans here, yes, I have been referred to the SAF Psychological Care Centre but I still haven't received my appointment date (even though it's been over a month now). The in-camp medical officer noted that I have self-harm tendencies, like punching myself or using my fist to hit the wall. [I know it sounds kinda weird but please don't judge ok? (っ◞‸◟ c)]. However, the in-camp medical officer doesn't know that I also cut myself and have suicidal thoughts (tysm for those ppl who gave advice on how to cut myself on my previous thread <3). I'm not sure if I should inform them about the cutting and suicidal thoughts because ifykyk (toxic masculinity shit). I hope the SAF Psychologist are nicer ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡

I guess my life is too fked up at this point. I'm introverted, I have trust issues, friendship issues, personal issues, family issues, etc. I don't think I can cope with NS or life anymore. A small part of me still wants to recover, to move forward: find friends again to hang out with and have fun and enjoy life like what I sometimes dream of. But I guess I'll to face reality like what my Psychiatrist said. Guess I'll never be able to find friends and be doomed to ctb eventually (even though I have attempted but too pussy to commit it). Tysm for reading and I'm sorry if my vent seems short or weird. I'm not doing too well right now. Anyway, have a great day ahead! ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ )

P.S. Also is it weird for me to try and find friends on Carousell? If you're curious, this is my listing (hope u can view it): https://www.carousell.sg/p/looking-for-cosplay-anime-game-friends-1339163406/?t-id=ayWGnp8gsa_1733111965540&t-referrer_browse_type=search_results&t-referrer_page_type=search&t-referrer_request_id=oHWB8YB-j_zYZstH&t-referrer_search_query=cosplay friends&t-referrer_search_query_source=direct_search&t-referrer_sort_by=&t-tap_index=2
Carousell is like Facebook Marketplace where people sell stuff (mostly 2nd hand goods) but I've actually seen people in Singapore finding friends through it (not sure if they confirm found one though). Yes, I'm into anime/cosplay stuff (I just been to Anime Festival Asia alone [posted that in another thread here too]; will be updating that thread later]. Not sure if there are any cosplayers here on this forum hahaha.

[Edit: I have received a DMed on Carousell. It's a female and she is asking if I want to go to Singapore Comic Con with her this coming Sunday. Tbh, I feel like I'm ugly and I don't know if she'll judge me. Starting to regret posting the listing.]

 

[Szarur-abi]

You seems like a person that have been throught a lot, its cruel that you have to go throught mandatory service in military, noone should be forced to do this in modern world..

there is nothing wrong in this kind of self-harm, its no different than cutting yourself and other methods.

From your listing you seem like a nice person with a lot of consideration of other wellbeings and its good that you are looking for help i hope you will get what you need.

As for the reply for your listing, take your chance, honestly you dont know how it will turn up, maybe you will find a friend in her or something more, or maybe nothing at all who knows? (Cliche i know but you wont know if you wont try, and bold of me saying that cause i avoided meeting new people in the past a lot in similiar situations to yours... Now i try to put myself infront when i feel okay) I know it's scary to meet someone new in crowded space, that comic-con honestly sounds like a lot for first meeting i think you could ask her for a meeting before it like a coffe or something so you would feel more comfortable.

 

[xxCuteSprinklesxx]

You seems like a person that have been throught a lot, its cruel that you have to go throught mandatory service in military, noone should be forced to do this in modern world..

there is nothing wrong in this kind of self-harm, its no different than cutting yourself and other methods.

From your listing you seem like a nice person with a lot of consideration of other wellbeings and its good that you are looking for help i hope you will get what you need.

As for the reply for your listing, take your chance, honestly you dont know how it will turn up, maybe you will find a friend in her or something more, or maybe nothing at all who knows? (Cliche i know but you wont know if you wont try, and bold of me saying that cause i avoided meeting new people in the past a lot in similiar situations to yours... Now i try to put myself infront when i feel okay) I know it's scary to meet someone new in crowded space, that comic-con honestly sounds like a lot for first meeting i think you could ask her for a meeting before it like a coffe or something so you would feel more comfortable.

Thanks for replying!!! I really appreciate it! (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

Anyway, after finding out that I was a guy, she suddenly shut me out and stopped replying to my texts. It's partly my fault for forgetting to include my gender on that listing. I understand if she has her reasons for not wanting to associate with guys. Everyone has their preferences and boundaries and I respect that. But it still stings to be completely ignored. The least she could have done was send a simple message to let me know she wasn't interested anymore.

As of right now, there is no one suitable to join me at Comic Con or be friends with (though I received a few more replies but they kinda sounds like creeps/weirdos which I don't feel comfortable being friends with). I guess it's hard to find friends once you are of a certain age (I'm 20 yrs old). Most likely will ctb soon and probably restart life again?

P.S. I understand there's a megathread for making friends on this forum, but is it really for making friends, or, you know, ctb together? I doubt I'll use it to find friends anyway since most people here are from the US or Europe (idm; imo SaSu members are very friendly :D but the great time difference make things difficult) and there are very few from Asian countries, especially Singapore. I apologise if my vent seems kinda weird again. I'm still not feeling too well but I hope the main point comes across.

 

[walkingcorpse13]

Lol got curious hi fellow sinkie I was in a similar boat but I managed to get pes f for attempted suicide during my service cuz a NS officer keep screwing me over

 

[xxCuteSprinklesxx]

Lol got curious hi fellow sinkie I was in a similar boat but I managed to get pes f for attempted suicide during my service cuz a NS officer keep screwing me over

Ohhh I'm so sorry to hear that! (っ- ‸ - ς)

But anyway, long story short, I have seen the SAF PCC (Psychological Care Centre) and now I'm in the process of being deferred from NS (even tho I really want to PES F too)… ૮(˶ㅠ︿ㅠ)ა

Thanks for sharing tho! :3

 

[autumn]

Hello. I just wanted to say that I'm from Singapore too. And I just wanted to say... hi. i guess. (sorry for hijacking your thread...)

 

[xxCuteSprinklesxx]

Hello. I just wanted to say that I'm from Singapore too. And I just wanted to say... hi. i guess. (sorry for hijacking your thread...)

Hiiiihiii!!! |˶˙ᵕ˙ )ﾉﾞ

It's okayyy!! Sorry for the late reply btw!

 

[xxCuteSprinklesxx]

Short update:
Failing my driving test today was the last straw. Everything was going so smoothly until I fked up just outside the school circuit (I almost hit an oncoming car when changing lanes). I swear I looked and even double-checked for any oncoming cars before changing lanes but I didn't see any car. Why am I so stupid? Why do I always mess things up right at the end? I can't stop replaying the moment in my head. I still don't know where that car came from >.<

I just feel empty. Tired. Angry. Mostly, I just feel done. Today will be the day. Thank you and goodbye everyone!
|˶˙ᵕ˙ )ﾉﾞ

♥