goodoldnoname923
Wanting to find peace
- Mar 28, 2024
- 531
I wish someone could see into my mind,know exactly how i'm feeling,what I'm truthfully thinking what i've been through what I've done and why…
I wish i could express my own feelings better,i wish i could understand them better,i wish i could fully remember my past and understand my own actions
I wish my world view perception of others and self wasn't so distorted and infrequent.
I wish i could tell the truth but i feel like it constantly shifts,everyone tells me i'm a liar that i'm a manipulator that i'm an attention seeker that i'm faking it and you hear these negative words of affirmation being told why i do things without actually ever asking me why or how i really feel asking me what i want
For years i've been unintentionally gaslight into believing i'm some sort of monster to a point I've developed imposter syndrome idek whats real…are the abuses and misfortunes and misunderstandings i've faced real? Are they imaginary like everyone tells me…are they just a cry for help and attention like everyone tells me
Is there a reason I can't connect with people anymore or never could…was there a reason i always felt like no one cared was there a reason i always felt alone bored and depressed was there a reason i felt i could never sustain relationships or happiness
Is there a reason that all i do is lashout on people dismiss their feelings or let them down is there a reason i'm getting worse is there a reason i'm the way i am and the way i feel
Or is it all just lies and manipulation lije the world tell me,are my feelings fake? Do they not matter? Do i make them matter to much…do i make them other people's problems to much…do i really care about all the people i had genuine feelings for
Was i ever a good person,was i always destined to be bad did i turn bad was i never going yo be happy is it my fault im like this? Is it my fault i do these things is it my fault i feel this way…is it my fault i either dk what to feel or too intensely or numb completely
I'm i just too psychologically twisted,have i sustained too much brain damage,is it trauma and abuse and misunderstanding is it people taking advantage of me and mistreating me or is it me mistreating them…was blue always scared of me did she really care? Did anyone? Did everyone?
Am i just a really bad person? Should i have killed myself all those years ago should i have ever been born? Is this just a cry for help and attention…am i playing victim? Do i deserve all the misfortune in my life is there any at all…is it all in my head am I delusional am i insane am i irrdeemable
Am i really universally hated and is it fair,i wish i could understand my past i wish i could know who i am or who i was i wish i could know what was wrong with me and what i'm missing i wish i could be saved and be happy….i wish i was never born
I wish i could express my own feelings better,i wish i could understand them better,i wish i could fully remember my past and understand my own actions
I wish my world view perception of others and self wasn't so distorted and infrequent.
I wish i could tell the truth but i feel like it constantly shifts,everyone tells me i'm a liar that i'm a manipulator that i'm an attention seeker that i'm faking it and you hear these negative words of affirmation being told why i do things without actually ever asking me why or how i really feel asking me what i want
For years i've been unintentionally gaslight into believing i'm some sort of monster to a point I've developed imposter syndrome idek whats real…are the abuses and misfortunes and misunderstandings i've faced real? Are they imaginary like everyone tells me…are they just a cry for help and attention like everyone tells me
Is there a reason I can't connect with people anymore or never could…was there a reason i always felt like no one cared was there a reason i always felt alone bored and depressed was there a reason i felt i could never sustain relationships or happiness
Is there a reason that all i do is lashout on people dismiss their feelings or let them down is there a reason i'm getting worse is there a reason i'm the way i am and the way i feel
Or is it all just lies and manipulation lije the world tell me,are my feelings fake? Do they not matter? Do i make them matter to much…do i make them other people's problems to much…do i really care about all the people i had genuine feelings for
Was i ever a good person,was i always destined to be bad did i turn bad was i never going yo be happy is it my fault im like this? Is it my fault i do these things is it my fault i feel this way…is it my fault i either dk what to feel or too intensely or numb completely
I'm i just too psychologically twisted,have i sustained too much brain damage,is it trauma and abuse and misunderstanding is it people taking advantage of me and mistreating me or is it me mistreating them…was blue always scared of me did she really care? Did anyone? Did everyone?
Am i just a really bad person? Should i have killed myself all those years ago should i have ever been born? Is this just a cry for help and attention…am i playing victim? Do i deserve all the misfortune in my life is there any at all…is it all in my head am I delusional am i insane am i irrdeemable
Am i really universally hated and is it fair,i wish i could understand my past i wish i could know who i am or who i was i wish i could know what was wrong with me and what i'm missing i wish i could be saved and be happy….i wish i was never born
