I’m so sick of being everyone’s punching bag

[returntothevoid]

I've always wondered why I'm so depressed all the time and I've had a few theories, but I think I've finally figured it out. One of my reasons is that life just kind of sucks, yeah. The world is cruel. I hate how nobody cares about the environment, it has made me bitter and realize how truly selfish humanity is.

But in my personal life I'm always at the bottom of the pack. In every measure. My mom has beat me ever since I was a kid, because she couldn't fight my dad, so she took all her anger about the marriage out on me, and the older I get the more I realize how much my dad truly despises me. He's constantly passive aggressive to me when my sister isn't around and I can tell he takes all his qualms with life out on me because he knows I can't do anything about it. I was isolated and bullied in school as a kid. I thought this was just a school thing and it would go away in adulthood, but no one ever tells you it's the exact same. The bullies keep on bullying, you're just on a different playground now.

I'm sick of being the family scapegoat. I'm sick of being everyone's punching bag. I'm sick of being that one pathetic friend everyone has and pities. I've tried to claw my way out of this hole but the further up the ranks you go the more competition there is. I'm tired. Is this really all life is? Just constant competition with people, jealousy, manipulation, and passive aggressiveness. There's love and genuine connection sometimes but there's so little of it in the world and it seems impossible to find. The closest I've got to feeling loved genuinely is from my sister. She's the only reason I'm still here. But I can only go on for so much longer.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Im sorry to hear your parents took their inadequacies out on you. that's not fair. Unfortunately, the wold is a hilll. humanity will do everything in its power to climb, regardless of the pain and suffering it leaves behind. Its not fair that you have to be the receiver of your parents pain. and you are right. Changing from a childhood playground to and adult one has no difference, both are painful. I wish you peace in your future.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Stick with your sister, only your sister. No one that comes into your life from this point on will matter more.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired, it's horrible to me how many humans just make others suffer way more and are so unnecessarily cruel. But anyway best wishes.

 

[sash]

Im so sorry, I hear you.

Could you and yr sister get somewhere together.
U need to get away from the toxicity of ur family.
I got away from most of my abusers, one left. It helps.

 

[unabletocope]

I'm sick of being run over in life.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Family are not inherently people you should stick with just because or that you owe anything to. The only unconditional responsibility someone has is to their child. Sounds like maintaining a relationship with your sister is healthy, but treat the rest like you would a toxic friend; if they have a negative impact on your life then leave the relationship.

Regarding the question of is life always a competition and full of negative interactions, there's a lot of terrific people out there who truly treat people with kindness and don't care to be part of a societal or personal competition. Generally when you live you're life like that, you'll end up coming across some like-minded people. You'll obviously come across a ton of people self-consumed in that competition, but you choose if and how that effects you.