Story Story of a failed life

[sophie22German]

I'd like to share my story with you. I'm from the very South of Germany, near the Austrian border. I grew up in a ultra Catholic family with strict rules and don't dare to have your own opinion. By the age of 12 I got into my first legal trouble for stealing things from supermarkets or so. At age 14 I met false friends and started drinking, smoking and in the end also taking drugs. In fact only a rehab ordered by court prevented me from having to go to jail. Then at age 15 I dated a nice girl of 23 and I had my coming out being lesbian. The reaction of my family was to make me the black sheep. They didn't accept my way of living at all. At school I soon was the lesbian school bitch, got bullied badly. Not even changing schools made any difference. I just made it through middle school but quit learning a proper job after a few weeks. My family had let me down, so I ended up as a prostitute for several months, and what I had to do there made me hate men even more. Then I met a streetworker, she was 28 years old, so about seven years older than me. We spent a lot of time together. She helped me out of that milieu and got me a job in a supermarket led by a friend of her. After a while our relationship got closer and closer, and we finally fell in love with each other. We had the most wonderful time. On Christmas eve she proposed to me, and of course I said yes. Her family was wonderful, they accepted me the way I am and for the first time in years I was confident that my life had taken the right turn. However, in February she had bad pain in her stomach region but didn't want to see a doctor. It went on until she collapsed on the street. In hospital it was found out that she had cancer that had already spread. She did not tell anyone, not even me. On March 15 I received a phone call from her mum, saying she had jumped from her apartment's balcony on the sixth floor. I wasn't even allowed to see her once more because obviously she looked very badly. That daymy world broke together. Now I have no other wish than following her soon. Thankfully I've found someone here, and we might make that happen soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have been through a lot and I'm sorry that you have suffered so much. It really is such a cruel and unfair life. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are so desperate to leave. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[Darkover]

god's will is a mysterious it works in mysterious ways may god be with you

 

[sophie22German]

god's will is a mysterious it works in mysterious ways may god be with you

Well by now he hasn't done anything for me, but thanks anyway

 

[unredeemable]

What a fucked up situation. I hope you find some comfort, whatever path you take.

 

[sophie22German]

What a fucked up situation. I hope you find some comfort, whatever path you take.

Thank you. I think I will

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm sorry you had to go through so much. This world really is a hellhole if people like you and others have to endure so much pain. If you go through with your plan, then I hope you get to see her again.

 

[sophie22German]

I'm sorry you had to go through so much. This world really is a hellhole if people like you and others have to endure so much pain. If you go through with your plan, then I hope you get to see her again.

Thanks for your kind words

 

[triplesec3]

hey sophie, im not here to change your mind or anything....but can i be your friend. because i would love the chance to get to know you before you leave this world
pleaaseee

 

[DerTod]

I'm so sorry for your loss Sophie. Terrible family that let you down and your lover passing away. Wish that you find peace.

 

[sophie22German]

I'm so sorry for your loss Sophie. Terrible family that let you down and your lover passing away. Wish that you find peace.

Thanks very much

 

[sophie22German]

I might make this thread a diary because my story can only be completed with a successful ctb

 

[sophie22German]

Another week passed, I hope not many more to come. My mood is like the weather right now - very, very bad. I hold a picture of my dear. Miss her so much, but we'll meet again soon. I strongly believe that. Real love never dies

 

[sophie22German]

It's Saturday noon, I'm at work though I can barely see any sense of doing it anymore. If it hadn't been Sabrina who got me it, I would already have quit. I'm thinking a lot about the things to come. Thankfully I've found two great people. One who will be my partner and one I can simply talk to and they both understand me. Haven't had this in years

 

[sophie22German]

Saturday, short before midnight. I had a terrible day. Maybe it's because my and Sabrina's third anniversary is coming up next week. I made a trial this evening tying a rope to the bar of my closet and kneeling down with the head in the noose. I came pretty close to losing consciousness. Now I have to deal with a red face and some scars around my neck. Anyway I think I won't be able to do it alone, so I'm glad I've found someone to be with me. We're pretty far in the planning