basically external back and forth life vs death (hence the name) and i just got out of a really bad down hill. however i have thought everything through and i feel that this is best. i made them a discord server so they can say stuff to me if they want or they can just go and look at some stuff i put there to remind them and myself that ill be ok. and i was able to say everything i wanted and needed too, these friends are extremely understanding and i couldnt ask for better people in my life. thank you for caring and commenting