Venting going back to campus because dropping classes is expensive

[dogbreath]

So after trying to give myself serotonin syndrome (and failing miserably) I was stuck in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. Tried to overdose with my antidepressants but got nervous and went to the hospital got fed charcoal yadayada fun stuff. After being in the ICU unit or whatever its called, they sent me to a mental health hospital.

It was literally hell. I hate mental health hospitals honestly it made me feel even worse than before. Nurses were understaffed and the support groups were insufferable. Patients were aggressive, the support groups were literally "write down your goals! color some pages!! draw some pictures with things that inspire you!" they did not help at all. Nothing to do at all. Social worker and doctor rarely talked to me. Felt extremely unsafe. Lots of favoritism.

See, I was hoping that by getting serotonin syndrome I could miss class because my social anxiety has gotten extremely bad. I don't regret what I did because I needed a break. I thought I could withdraw from spring semester but after talking with financial aid and other college departments, its too expensive and risky to withdraw....I would be responsible for paying back 14,000 dollars....ridiculous....Whats funny is that after being released from the mental hospital I actually WANTED to live but after hearing about the price of withdrawing im back to wanting to die.
The only choice for me right now is to go back to campus, the place that is literally the reason why I went to the hospital...I'm still mentally unwell but I'm stuck...only reason im going back to campus is so family believes im doing better and won't ruin my future ctb plans. I have privacy in my dorm so I wont be disturbed hopefully when I try to attempt. I'm on a deadline now because I have to do something before spring semester ends. I hate having social anxiety and i hate college and I hate living. Why is everything so expensive i didn't ask to be born i didn't ask for any of this
I don't want to go back I'm so scared im not ready im not

 

[dragonofenvy]

Hold on, dropping classes costs money? I thought you didn't have to pay if you dropped within a few weeks, and if you dropped after that you still had to pay but it wasn't as much.

I went to college too just so my family would get off my back. Of course, I couldn't go to a good college since I got a nice $25,000 bill from a mental hospital I spent a month at, and good colleges cost a nice "affordable" tens of thousands per year. Perfect for students who work minimum wage jobs so that you're forced to aask the government for aid so that you don't fully realize just how expensive the shit is. So I went to a shitty one that cost a couple thousand.

Colleges suck, at least here in the US idk about other countries. Plain and simple. The one I went to was just a horrible, toxic environment, and much of the time I wasn't even learning about what I was majoring in but completely unrelated crap. One rich kid I know who's going to one of the most expensive schools in the country, however, says that his campus is great and was focused on his major. Not sure if that's telling or not.

If they wanted people to have a future, maybe, just maybe, they should make the cost of entry a lot less that way people can actually have a chance, rather than getting completely screwed by the system. But no, they need people to be screwed by the system... because reasons. I'm sorry that you too are being fucked over by the joke that is higher education.

 

[Ovid]

I'm sorry about that. But I do hope that being in college provides you with some stability in your life or maybe helps you find some connections or passions or things to look forward to. It sucks so much that mental health resources are often so abysmal, like in your situation. And it does suck that money is such a driving factor in everything we do in our lives.