Still here unfortunately.

[nootthenoot]

Yeah. This failed miserably. But I'm still here. I'm going to have to go ahead with my backup date. This honestly has been the worst few weeks of my life. Hopefully, just hopefully I can finally end it. I wish that it was easier to CTB. Maybe I'll try a different method.

Not much happened when I tried. I guess it was just poor planning on my part. I couldn't even get to the river, cause I was so tired and lightheaded at the time. There is a chance though that I can do it tonight. I just need to figure out how. I don't have access to better methods like hanging and SN, cause I'm broke, so like before drowning is the way to go. But in her radical-Christian-mania, my mom planted the idea that if I tried to drown myself, I'm going to come out with substantial brain damage while being fully aware (cause GOD wouldn't let me die lol). Now, I'm even more anxious about the things that can go wrong. I dunno what to do. I guess I have to go back to the drawing board. Any advice? Also DM's abt this would be appreciated, if you know of any household things that can ease the process of CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

Drowning does sound like a difficult method to me and an awful way to go, as of course even know we wish to be gone we have to overcome the survival instinct to be able to achieve freedom from this life. I think that most deaths by drowning seem to be accidental from what I have heard. But I do understand having limited options of ways to leave this world, of course suicide shouldn't be so difficult and we shouldn't have to worry about methods potentially failing.

The thought of a method going wrong sounds so horrifying and it's unfair how we have to struggle so much in trying to leave this world. It does sound tiring being in that situation and I know that it can be so dreadful feeling trapped in a life that you want to leave behind. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[makethepainstop]

The world always makes leaving too damn hard. It's just has to be so damn difficult to leave this rigged game in hell, they insist we play.FTW!

 

[almaranthine]

Are you attempting the shallow water blackout method? Or passing out and drowning? My bad if you already explained it in another thread. Also, I feel like you should be able to find some kind of material to attempt partial hanging? You don't necessarily need a rope or ratchet straps. Think about it, even people in prisons are able to figure out how to hang themselves. People accidentally kill themselves doing autoerotic asphyxiation etc. Nevertheless, I understand your concerns about surviving an attempt and having some kind of damage. It might be best to hold off until you are sure of what you want to do and how to do it. Or, alternatively, wait until you have some money to be able to afford SN, or supplies for a more statistically successful method.