Venting Still here, feeling a little numb…any tips might help

[continuing]

Well is being a while since i was here, the first reason was because i tried to end me for real, last month,firstly on a rope and secondly by pills, just took a bunch with alcohol and went to sleep, i stayed basically one entire day on a coma, i dont have any memories when i woke up.

I basically gave the chance of living to the universe, I'm not a very spiritual person, it was more like the idea, "well i might die or survive doing this, lets give it to chance and work with what i get in result"..., and well, im still here.

Also i've ended i three years old relationship with a good friend recently, we made the mistake of trying a romantic relationship and later realized that we couldn't continue, but if we were still together our feeling would be weird, it was a sweet ending, we cried a lot, laughed a little, and that what makes it worse, of how sweet it was…

Right now i've two big fears, one is to never be able to connect with another person as i have connected with him again, i have friends that i can talk but the feeling is that nobody cares that much, secondly is other people, i've avoided being on groups, parties and all, is just seeing other people around me, being happy makes me miserable, but at the same time i don't want to be that guy, just being miserable and grumpy about other peoples wins, but i cant deny is how i feel, is strange like my brain knows that other people do have problems, but everyone else i look i kept thinking "people are having better than you, they are happier than you", and i cant deny that i feel envious and angry towards them…

 

[timf]

There is a joke that a psychologist is the person that looks at everyone else when a pretty girl enters the room. There are those that are less reflexive in their actions, observations, and comments. As a result they can feel disconnected from the social flow they observe around them. Sometimes this disconnection is simply a result of a neurological variant sometimes it can result from trauma. Even employment such as being a cop or a nurse can cause one to accumulate experiences that make one a little disconnected.

One key to being disconnected is to find your own social environment. Things like parties can be intimidating, but something like volunteer work can still provide social connections, but around a task that helps lighten the social load. It might be helpful to find something that takes you out of yourself.