Discussion Still haven’t CTB?? What’s stopping YOU?

[anthomaniac]

waiting for someone to comeback but will never do

 

[TiredHorse]

waiting for someone to comeback but will never do

Me too.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I was in a relationship and I felt very guilty leaving my girlfriend behind while we were still a couple. We broke up a couple of days ago and I guess that should seal the deal for me. But she is also very unstable and suicidal, so it was very difficult for me to make any steps without hurting her. She repeatedly told me that she would also ctb if I left her. And she wasn't being manipulative when she said that, I genuinely believe I was a very important pillar in her life. I felt responsible because I didn't want to leave her traumatized. But we recently realized that it wasn't working out anymore with both of us being extremely depressed and we dragged each other down with our problems. It was simply a toxic environment for both of us. So we decided to break up, which gives me the freedom to finally leave. Fly away basically. She was the anchor that hold me back to a certain extend. I just need to find the right moment now.

 

[stargazer]

The fear of pain, and the fear of failure. I think I'm a sensitive guy by nature, I tickle easily for goodness sake. But I just seem to have a problem with pain tolerance now that i'm older. It could be my anxiety, but I know that somehow I'll find my way out soon. Somehow.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Destruction and alot of it will ripple throughout my wide social circle both inside & outside of it.
If I do commit to the act then I would surely have permanently ended my pain but I would have also inadvertently worsened other's pain as well too.
My family would break apart with one parent going insane and the other rehaunted by the mental parasites of past.
My sibling would surely become depressed once again and possibly might contemplate the fate I decided for myself.
All of my friends would be broken; the druggies under a new bad low, the rejects kneeling before a fallen brother, the vulnerable feeling less safe and a few with the same mental parasites that I have would also conetnplate if not act out on the fate I bestowed on myself.

Destruction and the fear of that alone is enough for me to not commit to ctb, for I care too much for others and would dammed my own self to oblivion if I ever hurt them or anybody else close to me.
I just wish I can stop thinking so much and stop caring so much too! I was born with a cursed soul!

 

[starcrossedfate]

Fear. Fear about what follows afterward; The Great Unknown. Whether it's an "afterlife" of some sort or eternal oblivion.

 

[Smashingairwaves]

The fear that I will fail

 

[justwaiting]

Dad is still alive and needs financial support. I think I might be a little selfish though. I want to end it after my next birthday and I want to do it before this site closes down. I've been scouring the web for a site like this and I want to do it with a partner.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

There's a big decision that's going to be made that is beyond my control.
If that decision — a brain surgery gets approved, then I take the next big prayer: getting off of the meds.
If the numbers are linear, there's a roughly 25% chance I won't ctb within the next three years. That time estimate is rough too.
Every day I wake up and remind myself it's not me, it's the meds. I'm a walking sack of neurotoxins.
On the one hand I want to see what the real me looks like. Haven't seen this bastard in nearly fourteen years now. On the other hand, they might not let him out.

 

[Trashcan]

That pesky survival instinct. I decided I'm going to wait until something pushes me over the edge. Then I'll book a hotel room so that the fears of people finding me in time or my family being traumatized by finding my body won't get in the way.

 

[Jenna]

I'm worried about not being successful and ending up in a nursing home.

 

[EndofMyRope]

I'm afraid of failing and ending up back in the psych hospital.

 

[MexicanTravels]

I've tried CTB four times already and failed each time. Once with benzos + alcohol, once with rat poison, once with heroin, and once with (fake) fentanyl. I've learned a lot from those past four attempts, whether that's ordering bitcoin, finding a location where nobody will find you early enough to send you to the hospital, or what happens when you get sent to the psychiatric ward and what to say to get out quickly, so I feel pretty confident about CTB with N if I can obtain it.

 

[AllDoneLivedAGoodLif]

The method is not available (SN or N) as they are refusing to deliver due to restrictions here.

 

[lighthousekeeper]

About a month ago I attempted CTB by consuming 2/3 of a bottle of 190-proof everclear, I couldn't find much info about it but that was pretty much the only method available. I thought it would work since I weigh less than 120 lbs and had never drank alcohol before, but for some reason I lived. That was my only way out and it was a dud. I don't know what to do, my family monitors my spending and I don't own a gun or any medicine that would kill me.