Hi,
I just want to know if there is anybody with at least a little overlapping experience, who can relate to. Is there anybody who was suffering for very long time in something that looks like hopeless madness states and finally found the ways that are really working for him only to find out that many years ago you already were really close to the almost all discrete parts of the solution still in times when you were still desperately fighting to have a life, but you did not manage to grasp them properly in that suffering, fear, confusion, but now it is being put together with a less and less effort from my part, in time I am long passed the life I wanned to fight for. It is helping and killing me at the same time. I do not know how to express that properly. It feels like it is a more than decade too late for the life, but I am still getting the absolution with all the lessons included, not really for the hope to start living again, but for the point itself.
It brought me real close to check out for a few times recently. The confusion when you are stepping out of the world of madness after so many degraded years, for me it just feels like a painful joke. like If I can get to be in real peace again after those years, then I want it to be the last thing I can experience here. No more trying in achieve anything else, it feels pointless and I do not want to screw it again by living.
It is kind of a paradoxical situation.
I just want to know if there is anybody with at least a little overlapping experience, who can relate to. Is there anybody who was suffering for very long time in something that looks like hopeless madness states and finally found the ways that are really working for him only to find out that many years ago you already were really close to the almost all discrete parts of the solution still in times when you were still desperately fighting to have a life, but you did not manage to grasp them properly in that suffering, fear, confusion, but now it is being put together with a less and less effort from my part, in time I am long passed the life I wanned to fight for. It is helping and killing me at the same time. I do not know how to express that properly. It feels like it is a more than decade too late for the life, but I am still getting the absolution with all the lessons included, not really for the hope to start living again, but for the point itself.
It brought me real close to check out for a few times recently. The confusion when you are stepping out of the world of madness after so many degraded years, for me it just feels like a painful joke. like If I can get to be in real peace again after those years, then I want it to be the last thing I can experience here. No more trying in achieve anything else, it feels pointless and I do not want to screw it again by living.
It is kind of a paradoxical situation.
