Gavr1212
Member
- Jun 24, 2019
- 20
I might feel some sense of obligation to manage it and use it in a way that made others I care about more comfortable, or ease the suffering of others in some way. It wouldn't make me want to die less, though.
BridgeJumper
The Arsonist
- Apr 7, 2019
- 1,194
Why bother with therapy when its just a bunch of people who read some books but have no idea what Im going through patronizing me, why not bother with medication when it doesnt work and just leaves me shaky, anxious and numb, why bother with money when all the luxuries in the world wont give me love from other people?
Some things are just unfixable and Im one of them
Some things are just unfixable and Im one of them
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,299
If love was not this scarce, people would be a lot less likely to need those other things...
Nothing can replace a cuddle. It keeps the world at bay.
AbsoluteNothingness
permanent eternal absoluteNONexistenceNOTHINGness
- Dec 17, 2019
- 86
(Sorry that its too long, you don't have to read it. You can ignore it, and if you read it please don't answer anything.) whenever i post in a thread i feel forced to explain as much as i can so no one makes any typical assumptions (sigh lol i dont want to write/think [nor literally any other f thing at all in general] anything AT ALL) because if i didnt there'd too many assumptions and sigh i dont want read any, it is already too long it could've been even longer but fuck no lol i dont want to try explaining any more bc anyways itll get assumptions and itll be assumed that i sAy iT BecAusE oF a reAsoN and blah blah other typical assumptions like that. i dont want to write nor think any fcking 'word'/'thing', I JUST DONT. pls don't quote/answer my post, it's gonna be an assumption and its gonna cause me impotence lol because it's NOT because of any reason at all but well this isnt comprehensible for literally anyone in general whether is suicidal or not, pro life or not. Well actually i couldn't give any less of a fck what you say/think becauae it's not true lol. just dont answer please.
Ew definitely no. Take it all for you lol. (im not suffering, nor "living 'badly'/a 'bad way'/'bad situation'" nor any other thing like that by the way), I don't want any money at all I literally don't give a shit and I don't want and don't care about literally any other thing in general and there's nothing that has to "improve", everything is already 'good'/'great' (or whatever 'good'/'great' means lol couldn't care any less) and I couldn't care any less lol. And no I don't feel "bad" nor "empty" nor "broken" nor "numb" nor "sad" nor "lost" nor "depressed" nor any other "bad" way 'inside' (neither 'outside' lmao). there's nothing to fix"/"resolve"/"recover"/"get better" neither or whatever that means, 'I' have anything/everything that is 'good' (couldn't give any less of a fck lmao) and that literally everyone else wants/would want and I don't give a sht. It's not that i say "ew no" to "stay alive for $100 million?" ""because I don't want to stay alive 'because of a reason'/'because I'm 'suffering' and I don't want to suffer more and i dont want to prolong the pain for longer and living 'like this' and 'this type of life' '
I literally don't care and has never cared and never will, that's it, there is no 'reason why' behind, I simply just don't want anything at all and why the fuck do i have to what the fuck why is this obligatory i want a fucking explanation lol why cant i literally just not want to exist nor 'experience'/'explore'/'live'/'do' etc ANYTHING AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/KIND/WAY AT ALL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW IT IS. why can't i just NOT want anything/NOT want to want anything, NOT 'like' anything/NOT want to 'like' anything (well it's not that i "don't like"/"hate" 'something'/'anything', no, i don't "dislike" nor "hate" anything, I literally just DON'T CARE AT ALL. Why isn't that an option? why do i have to want things and care about things and if I dont "iTs bEcAusS eVeryThiNg iS mEanInglEss" (as if i gave a fucking shit if things are "meaningless" or "meaningful" lmfao) "iTs bEcAusE iM dEprESsEd" (Im NOT 'depressed' nor 'anxious' {and don't have literally ANY other 'mental illness's at all, I'm 'fine' [i put it between ' because i literally couldn't care any fcking less lol yes im 'fine' or whatever the fck 'fine' means, and? so what? lol why do 'i' have to 'act'/'be'/'react' 'grateful' or whatever that means. "BeCaUsE YoU cAnT/dOnt hAvE wHaT yOu wANt aNd nEeD aNd wiThOuT tHat yOu fEeL eMptY aNd sAd aNd lIke sOmethIng iS mIsSiNg iN yOuR lIfE aNd wItHoUt tHaT yOuR lIfE aNd lIfE iN gEnErAl isnT wOrtH lIvInG aNd mAkEs No sEnsE aNd iTs pOiNtleSs aNd mEanIngLeSs" NO FOR FUCKS SAKE it's not that neither lol. "BEcAusE yOur LifE iS 'bAd' aNd 'pAiNful' aNd oR 'bOrInG' oR 'mEaNiNgLeSs' Or 'pAtHeTiC' tO yOu fOr wHaTEvEr rEaSoN aNd iTs nOt tHe LifE yOu wAnt tO hAvE aNd lIvE aNd yOu dOnT wAnT tO lIvE a liFE lIke tHaT, yOu dOnT wAnT tO lIvE lIke tHat if yOuR lIfe iS gOnNa Be tHaT wAy aNd iN wHaTeVeR bAd sItUaTiOn yOu aRe iN tHats MaKinG yOu sUfFeR aNd bE mIsErAbLe" ("making you suffer" "miserable" lmfao no) "bEcAusE tHe WoRlD is a bAd plAcE, bEcAusE oF hOw/wHaT tHe wOrlD hAs bEcOmE aNd wHatS hApPeNing wItH aLl tHe hOrRiBle tHinGs ,PrObLemS aNd tRaGeDiEs hApPeNIng aNd hOw bAd tHeyRe dEsTroYinG tHe EaRtH tOo" lol no i couldn't give any fucking less of a fuck what 'happens' in 'the world'/'life'/'planet earth' or whatever their 'names' are nor literally any other 'thing'/'place' at all neither how 'the world'/'life'/'planet earth' etcetc (any other/whatever other 'thing') is/can be lol. I just don't give a shit, its not that "i don't want x because of the way it is/because of a reason/because it's this way/because this and this happens blahblah NO. "BEcAusE lIfE iS a wAy tHat i doNt liKe iT" no lmfao i dont "dislike" nor "like" any 'way'/'type'/'kind' of 'life' i literally just couldn't care any less, I don't give a shit, I dont want any 'life' of any 'type'/'kind'/'way' at all, JUST DONT. i dont care how/what 'way' 'life' is I LITERALLY JUST DONT CARE. "oH yOu dOnT cAre bEcAusE Of A rEaSoN, bEcAusE yOu kEPt tRyInG tO iMprOvE yOuR sItUatIoN (what situation? Lol theres no "bad situation" at all, and i couldn't give any less of a sht) aNd yOur LifE (my life isn't "bad" nor "painful" nor any other """""negative""""" way lol, there's nothing that has to be "fixed"/"resolved" or whatever that means) aNd yOu hOpE fOr iMpRovEmEnT bUt nOthInG cHaNgEs, nOtHinG gEtS bEtTeR tHatS wHy yOu sAy tHat, tHat yOu jUsT dOnt wAnT aNd dOnT cArE aBoUt aNyThInG, bEcAuSe yOu gOt TiReD fRoM tRyInG tO fIx yOuR pRoBlEmS aNd hAvE a bEtTeR lIfE" (I just don't care about 'life'/'human life' whatever name it has in general IN GENERAL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW/WHAT WAY IT IS NO MATTER WHAT "STANDARD OF LIFE" THERE IS NO MATTER "HOW IT IS LIVED AND EXPERIENCED" NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS/WHAT CAN HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT THERE IS/THERE CAN BE ETCETC. I DONT want any 'life' of any 'way'/'type'/'kind', seriously, I just dont. And this is not a "phase" nor "temporary" nor "bad situation" nor "low self-esteem" nor "as a consequence of" nor "due to 'depression'" nor "apathy" nor "bad life" nor "bad life experiences"/"bad life events" nor *"loss of interest" nor "loss of motivation" nor literally any other thing. (Why do ie have to be "motivated" or whatever the fck that sht means yes or yes lol why cant i just not give a fcking sht about absolutely anything at all without it being because of a reason, well ill stop trying to explain soon because this is just impossible to make it understandable and believable lol im COMPLETELY the opposite from literally everyone else lol and im fucking PROUD of that, it sucks that this is obligatory to do and experience, overall existence 'here' in 'planet earth'/'the world', existence in general (i dont want to 'exist'/'be'/'inhabit' ANYWHERE/ANY PLACE AT ALL.) is obligatory and I'll never understand why.. (*lmao I've NEVER had any "interest" nor any other thing for absolutely ANYTHING, so it's not "loss of interest" as if i have had it before/in the past lol and i dont want to have "interest" for anything at all anyways. Ive always had to PRETEND/FAKE, PRETEND, its NOT the same of actually having interest, THERES A HUGE DIFFERENCE, so, PRETEND that i have "interests"/"hobbies" and all that crap and that i "want"/"like"/"care about"/"want to do" ,or whatever, things and all that fucking crap because if I hadnt PRETENDED theyd have suspected** ((((and assumed im "depressed" and other shit like that and taken me to a psychiatrist and or psychologist and theyd have assumed that "something 'bad' happens to me" and that im "depressed" and or "anxious" or have any other "mental illness"/"mental health issue" or "whatever other 'reason'" , that its "because of a reason", "because of 'bad life''/'bad situation'", "because of 'depression'" and blaaah blah blah and id have been forced to take 'meds' and attend 'therapy' or whatever tf that means THAT I NEITHER WANF NOR NEED AT ALL I LITERALLT DON'T LOL THERES NOTHING THAT "HAS TO GET BETTER"//THAT "HAS/NEEDS TO BE 'FIXED'/'RESOLVED'/'IMPROVED'/'RECOVERED'" NOR ANY OTHER THING!!!!!!!! i dont "hope" for anything. I don't "wish" for anything. Forget abt my username, i wish i could change it because it's clearly not the most appropriate lol im not "hopeless" about literally anything in any way, but thats the 'word' that first came to 'my' 'mind' or whatever the fuck a 'mind'/'brajn' is lmao couldn't care any less, when realising that i dont have any way out and that's very hard to find a way out to NONEXISTENCE for 'me', a suitable method and that i dont think ill ever find one that i can go with because i cant fail at all and sigh theres a risk with all methods, ill have to keep researching but unless i have own money/house and all that fucking garbage crap [im allowed to that, ime allowed to 'indepedence' and all that garbage /whatever other '''good/great''' thing and I DONT CARE. I DONT WANT ANYTHING AT ALL FOR FKCS SAKE.] and id have to work {ew , i dont want to work nor study nor literally any other fucking bullshit in general ffs} to be able to buy sn or a rope and ctb relatively painlessly and quick and most importantly reliably and without risks and worries of people being around and interrupting me and getting brain damage/becoming brain dead|vegetable and without the risk of failing/screwing up the attempt and NOT having any more opportunities to try/attempt again because my parents and other ppl would know and id be taken immediately to a psych ward and theyd call a bunch of psychiatrists/psychologists and id be on suicide watch... fuck no, what a nightmare. Why it has to be so difficult to disappear and finally not be anything nor anyone nor anywhere at all, it shouldn't be hard ffs. But sigh that'd take too many years who knows how muchw time and i mean im not in a rush but i DONT want to wait for lots of years neither sigh i dont want to work nor any other crap id have to force myself to have "interest", "motivation", "will" , "energy", "strength", "dedication" and ohter fucking ""positive""" garbage like that ew what a bullsht. obviously it would be better to have own house/place (i dont want to have any house nor any other thing in general at all ffs i DONT want ANYTHING at all) because i would be alone and I wouldn't have to worry about someone coming /getting caught and unfortunately 'rescued'/'saved' eew and i would do a much better preparation of the attempt because i know that id have all the time i want to prepare it and get ready and no one would be around and the risks of failing would also be lower and if i fail i can try again and i can also practice again and again if i dont do it right but siiigh all the fcking efforts and sacrifices id have to go first (having to get a job unfortunately and forcing myself to be "interested"/"motivated"/"active" and all that garbage when 'working' {sigh.. it sucks that i have to have money to have access to "painless"/"reliable"/"quick" [well the sn isn't quick tho] methods and that i have to have own house and all that shit to ctb/attempt "successfully" and without risks/worries abt being found before i get to die, what a f bullshte seriously... I dont want to have to wait for who knows how many years,thatd be such a huge effort and sacrifice.. also the survival instinct fcking sucks too)))) **waaaay long before, a veeeery long time ago/many years ago. and will have to continue PRETENDING of else I'll be suspicious and theyll assume that im "depressed" and "apathetic" and "sad" and "lost interest"/"lost motivation"/"lost will" (why the fck do i have to have "interest"/motivation/"will" and or whatever other 'thing' loool why ffs why.) and theyd take me to a psychiatrist/psychologist against my will and they'd insist for a 'reason' (lmao what reason theres no reason at all) and they would force me into 'meds' and 'psychotherapy' or whatever the fck that means that I NEITHER WANT NOR NEED AND NEVER WILL WANT NOR NEED.
I dont want any fcking type of 'life' ffs I JUST DONT WHY THE FCK DO 'I' HAVE TO YES OR YES thats what ill never understand. why is 'this' (or if i were brought to 'another thing') a 'must-do' thing? Why? Why isnt the option of JUST SIMPLY NOT WANT THIS NOR ANY OTHER THING AT ALL AND PREFERING TO JUST NOT EXIST AT ALL/NOT BE ANYTHING/ANYONE AT ALL NOR 'DO'/'EXPERIENCE'/'LIVE'/'DISCOVER'/'EXPLORE' [nor any other 'action verb'] ANYTHING AT ALL POSSIBLE/ACCEPTABLE? that's. What. I'll. Never. Fucking. Understand. Why do 'i' 'first' have to have a damn fcking 'reason'/'valid reason' to 'be able' (wtf this is making me want to fucking vomit, this is like having to have a 'permission' to be 'allowed' to LITERALLY JUST NOT WANT 'LIFE'/'EXISTENCE'/'WORLD'/'PLANET EARTH' NOR ANY OTHER THING BECAHAE I JUSR DONT FOR FUCKS SAKE BECAUSD I LITERALLT JUST DONT AND NEVER WILL !!!!!! ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ANY REASON AT ALL. LITERALLY ANY. REASON. I couldn't care any less that i 'have it all', that i have 'good'/great parents/family' (and i don't give a shit lol), that im 'wanted'/'loved' or whatever that means lol, that I have 'good'/'great' life, that im allowed to "everything/anything/whatever 'i want'", that i have 'freedom'/'shelter'/'comfort'/' and that 'my parents' want 'independence'/' happiness'/'joy'/'health'/'satisfaction'/'fullfilment'/'enjoyment' and many other "good things"/"positive things" for 'me' and I DONT CARE. Im not "suffering" AT ALL in ANY WAY at all for absolutely anything/any 'reason', and? lol. something "bad"/"painful"/"disappointed"/"regretful"/"horrible" or whatever other """"bad thing"""" (or whatever all those 'words'/"""negative""" adjectives mean lmao) doesn't have to 'happen' for me to [literally SIMPLY JUST] not want/not care about/not have any "interest" nor "curiosity" about anything at all. It is possible to LITERALLY GENUINELY DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY BASICALLY JUST NOT WANT/NOT CARE ABOUT/NOT 'BE' "INTERESTED" IN ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL. I dont say "i dont want to live life 'because of a reason'/'if it's this or that way'/'if it's like this'/'a life this way'/'if its ''''bad'''' or whatever other ''''negative'''' way'/'bc|if this or that happens/if it 'works' 'this way'/'like this'/if it's 'about' this or that' nor literally any other thing. I just dont want to live/have any And nothing "bad" has ever happened/happens to 'me'/'in my life' so. I simply just don't want to be part of 'existence'/'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' nor literally any other thing no matter what/how it is. I sim Also please don't make any assumptions because it's not anything that you probably are thinking, it's not because of any 'reason' at all, literally nothing "bad" is happening to 'me' nor any other type of thing, i SIMPLY LITERALLY just don't give a shit about 'life' nor any other thing in general, I simply just don't want to 'live'/'do'/'experience' 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' nor LITERALLY any other thing, at all. I don't give a fucking shit if whoever is reading this believes it or not but I obviously know that it's the TRUTH and will never change (and I don't want it at all to change lol, i have no problem with that, why should this (or whatever other 'thing' that 'exists'/'can exist' an obligation/obligatory? Why can't i literally just not want ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL AND DONT WANT TO WANT ABSOLUTELY ANY FCKING THING AT ALL without it being "because of a reason"?
sigh why do i keep posting lol it's like I'm calling for assumptions. i guess sorry that it is too long, you obviously dont have to read and pls dont quote/answer this post, it's gonna be an assumption and i dont want to read that shit
Ew definitely no. Take it all for you lol. (im not suffering, nor "living 'badly'/a 'bad way'/'bad situation'" nor any other thing like that by the way), I don't want any money at all I literally don't give a shit and I don't want and don't care about literally any other thing in general and there's nothing that has to "improve", everything is already 'good'/'great' (or whatever 'good'/'great' means lol couldn't care any less) and I couldn't care any less lol. And no I don't feel "bad" nor "empty" nor "broken" nor "numb" nor "sad" nor "lost" nor "depressed" nor any other "bad" way 'inside' (neither 'outside' lmao). there's nothing to fix"/"resolve"/"recover"/"get better" neither or whatever that means, 'I' have anything/everything that is 'good' (couldn't give any less of a fck lmao) and that literally everyone else wants/would want and I don't give a sht. It's not that i say "ew no" to "stay alive for $100 million?" ""because I don't want to stay alive 'because of a reason'/'because I'm 'suffering' and I don't want to suffer more and i dont want to prolong the pain for longer and living 'like this' and 'this type of life' '
I literally don't care and has never cared and never will, that's it, there is no 'reason why' behind, I simply just don't want anything at all and why the fuck do i have to what the fuck why is this obligatory i want a fucking explanation lol why cant i literally just not want to exist nor 'experience'/'explore'/'live'/'do' etc ANYTHING AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/KIND/WAY AT ALL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW IT IS. why can't i just NOT want anything/NOT want to want anything, NOT 'like' anything/NOT want to 'like' anything (well it's not that i "don't like"/"hate" 'something'/'anything', no, i don't "dislike" nor "hate" anything, I literally just DON'T CARE AT ALL. Why isn't that an option? why do i have to want things and care about things and if I dont "iTs bEcAusS eVeryThiNg iS mEanInglEss" (as if i gave a fucking shit if things are "meaningless" or "meaningful" lmfao) "iTs bEcAusE iM dEprESsEd" (Im NOT 'depressed' nor 'anxious' {and don't have literally ANY other 'mental illness's at all, I'm 'fine' [i put it between ' because i literally couldn't care any fcking less lol yes im 'fine' or whatever the fck 'fine' means, and? so what? lol why do 'i' have to 'act'/'be'/'react' 'grateful' or whatever that means. "BeCaUsE YoU cAnT/dOnt hAvE wHaT yOu wANt aNd nEeD aNd wiThOuT tHat yOu fEeL eMptY aNd sAd aNd lIke sOmethIng iS mIsSiNg iN yOuR lIfE aNd wItHoUt tHaT yOuR lIfE aNd lIfE iN gEnErAl isnT wOrtH lIvInG aNd mAkEs No sEnsE aNd iTs pOiNtleSs aNd mEanIngLeSs" NO FOR FUCKS SAKE it's not that neither lol. "BEcAusE yOur LifE iS 'bAd' aNd 'pAiNful' aNd oR 'bOrInG' oR 'mEaNiNgLeSs' Or 'pAtHeTiC' tO yOu fOr wHaTEvEr rEaSoN aNd iTs nOt tHe LifE yOu wAnt tO hAvE aNd lIvE aNd yOu dOnT wAnT tO lIvE a liFE lIke tHaT, yOu dOnT wAnT tO lIvE lIke tHat if yOuR lIfe iS gOnNa Be tHaT wAy aNd iN wHaTeVeR bAd sItUaTiOn yOu aRe iN tHats MaKinG yOu sUfFeR aNd bE mIsErAbLe" ("making you suffer" "miserable" lmfao no) "bEcAusE tHe WoRlD is a bAd plAcE, bEcAusE oF hOw/wHaT tHe wOrlD hAs bEcOmE aNd wHatS hApPeNing wItH aLl tHe hOrRiBle tHinGs ,PrObLemS aNd tRaGeDiEs hApPeNIng aNd hOw bAd tHeyRe dEsTroYinG tHe EaRtH tOo" lol no i couldn't give any fucking less of a fuck what 'happens' in 'the world'/'life'/'planet earth' or whatever their 'names' are nor literally any other 'thing'/'place' at all neither how 'the world'/'life'/'planet earth' etcetc (any other/whatever other 'thing') is/can be lol. I just don't give a shit, its not that "i don't want x because of the way it is/because of a reason/because it's this way/because this and this happens blahblah NO. "BEcAusE lIfE iS a wAy tHat i doNt liKe iT" no lmfao i dont "dislike" nor "like" any 'way'/'type'/'kind' of 'life' i literally just couldn't care any less, I don't give a shit, I dont want any 'life' of any 'type'/'kind'/'way' at all, JUST DONT. i dont care how/what 'way' 'life' is I LITERALLY JUST DONT CARE. "oH yOu dOnT cAre bEcAusE Of A rEaSoN, bEcAusE yOu kEPt tRyInG tO iMprOvE yOuR sItUatIoN (what situation? Lol theres no "bad situation" at all, and i couldn't give any less of a sht) aNd yOur LifE (my life isn't "bad" nor "painful" nor any other """""negative""""" way lol, there's nothing that has to be "fixed"/"resolved" or whatever that means) aNd yOu hOpE fOr iMpRovEmEnT bUt nOthInG cHaNgEs, nOtHinG gEtS bEtTeR tHatS wHy yOu sAy tHat, tHat yOu jUsT dOnt wAnT aNd dOnT cArE aBoUt aNyThInG, bEcAuSe yOu gOt TiReD fRoM tRyInG tO fIx yOuR pRoBlEmS aNd hAvE a bEtTeR lIfE" (I just don't care about 'life'/'human life' whatever name it has in general IN GENERAL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW/WHAT WAY IT IS NO MATTER WHAT "STANDARD OF LIFE" THERE IS NO MATTER "HOW IT IS LIVED AND EXPERIENCED" NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS/WHAT CAN HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT THERE IS/THERE CAN BE ETCETC. I DONT want any 'life' of any 'way'/'type'/'kind', seriously, I just dont. And this is not a "phase" nor "temporary" nor "bad situation" nor "low self-esteem" nor "as a consequence of" nor "due to 'depression'" nor "apathy" nor "bad life" nor "bad life experiences"/"bad life events" nor *"loss of interest" nor "loss of motivation" nor literally any other thing. (Why do ie have to be "motivated" or whatever the fck that sht means yes or yes lol why cant i just not give a fcking sht about absolutely anything at all without it being because of a reason, well ill stop trying to explain soon because this is just impossible to make it understandable and believable lol im COMPLETELY the opposite from literally everyone else lol and im fucking PROUD of that, it sucks that this is obligatory to do and experience, overall existence 'here' in 'planet earth'/'the world', existence in general (i dont want to 'exist'/'be'/'inhabit' ANYWHERE/ANY PLACE AT ALL.) is obligatory and I'll never understand why.. (*lmao I've NEVER had any "interest" nor any other thing for absolutely ANYTHING, so it's not "loss of interest" as if i have had it before/in the past lol and i dont want to have "interest" for anything at all anyways. Ive always had to PRETEND/FAKE, PRETEND, its NOT the same of actually having interest, THERES A HUGE DIFFERENCE, so, PRETEND that i have "interests"/"hobbies" and all that crap and that i "want"/"like"/"care about"/"want to do" ,or whatever, things and all that fucking crap because if I hadnt PRETENDED theyd have suspected** ((((and assumed im "depressed" and other shit like that and taken me to a psychiatrist and or psychologist and theyd have assumed that "something 'bad' happens to me" and that im "depressed" and or "anxious" or have any other "mental illness"/"mental health issue" or "whatever other 'reason'" , that its "because of a reason", "because of 'bad life''/'bad situation'", "because of 'depression'" and blaaah blah blah and id have been forced to take 'meds' and attend 'therapy' or whatever tf that means THAT I NEITHER WANF NOR NEED AT ALL I LITERALLT DON'T LOL THERES NOTHING THAT "HAS TO GET BETTER"//THAT "HAS/NEEDS TO BE 'FIXED'/'RESOLVED'/'IMPROVED'/'RECOVERED'" NOR ANY OTHER THING!!!!!!!! i dont "hope" for anything. I don't "wish" for anything. Forget abt my username, i wish i could change it because it's clearly not the most appropriate lol im not "hopeless" about literally anything in any way, but thats the 'word' that first came to 'my' 'mind' or whatever the fuck a 'mind'/'brajn' is lmao couldn't care any less, when realising that i dont have any way out and that's very hard to find a way out to NONEXISTENCE for 'me', a suitable method and that i dont think ill ever find one that i can go with because i cant fail at all and sigh theres a risk with all methods, ill have to keep researching but unless i have own money/house and all that fucking garbage crap [im allowed to that, ime allowed to 'indepedence' and all that garbage /whatever other '''good/great''' thing and I DONT CARE. I DONT WANT ANYTHING AT ALL FOR FKCS SAKE.] and id have to work {ew , i dont want to work nor study nor literally any other fucking bullshit in general ffs} to be able to buy sn or a rope and ctb relatively painlessly and quick and most importantly reliably and without risks and worries of people being around and interrupting me and getting brain damage/becoming brain dead|vegetable and without the risk of failing/screwing up the attempt and NOT having any more opportunities to try/attempt again because my parents and other ppl would know and id be taken immediately to a psych ward and theyd call a bunch of psychiatrists/psychologists and id be on suicide watch... fuck no, what a nightmare. Why it has to be so difficult to disappear and finally not be anything nor anyone nor anywhere at all, it shouldn't be hard ffs. But sigh that'd take too many years who knows how muchw time and i mean im not in a rush but i DONT want to wait for lots of years neither sigh i dont want to work nor any other crap id have to force myself to have "interest", "motivation", "will" , "energy", "strength", "dedication" and ohter fucking ""positive""" garbage like that ew what a bullsht. obviously it would be better to have own house/place (i dont want to have any house nor any other thing in general at all ffs i DONT want ANYTHING at all) because i would be alone and I wouldn't have to worry about someone coming /getting caught and unfortunately 'rescued'/'saved' eew and i would do a much better preparation of the attempt because i know that id have all the time i want to prepare it and get ready and no one would be around and the risks of failing would also be lower and if i fail i can try again and i can also practice again and again if i dont do it right but siiigh all the fcking efforts and sacrifices id have to go first (having to get a job unfortunately and forcing myself to be "interested"/"motivated"/"active" and all that garbage when 'working' {sigh.. it sucks that i have to have money to have access to "painless"/"reliable"/"quick" [well the sn isn't quick tho] methods and that i have to have own house and all that shit to ctb/attempt "successfully" and without risks/worries abt being found before i get to die, what a f bullshte seriously... I dont want to have to wait for who knows how many years,thatd be such a huge effort and sacrifice.. also the survival instinct fcking sucks too)))) **waaaay long before, a veeeery long time ago/many years ago. and will have to continue PRETENDING of else I'll be suspicious and theyll assume that im "depressed" and "apathetic" and "sad" and "lost interest"/"lost motivation"/"lost will" (why the fck do i have to have "interest"/motivation/"will" and or whatever other 'thing' loool why ffs why.) and theyd take me to a psychiatrist/psychologist against my will and they'd insist for a 'reason' (lmao what reason theres no reason at all) and they would force me into 'meds' and 'psychotherapy' or whatever the fck that means that I NEITHER WANT NOR NEED AND NEVER WILL WANT NOR NEED.
I dont want any fcking type of 'life' ffs I JUST DONT WHY THE FCK DO 'I' HAVE TO YES OR YES thats what ill never understand. why is 'this' (or if i were brought to 'another thing') a 'must-do' thing? Why? Why isnt the option of JUST SIMPLY NOT WANT THIS NOR ANY OTHER THING AT ALL AND PREFERING TO JUST NOT EXIST AT ALL/NOT BE ANYTHING/ANYONE AT ALL NOR 'DO'/'EXPERIENCE'/'LIVE'/'DISCOVER'/'EXPLORE' [nor any other 'action verb'] ANYTHING AT ALL POSSIBLE/ACCEPTABLE? that's. What. I'll. Never. Fucking. Understand. Why do 'i' 'first' have to have a damn fcking 'reason'/'valid reason' to 'be able' (wtf this is making me want to fucking vomit, this is like having to have a 'permission' to be 'allowed' to LITERALLY JUST NOT WANT 'LIFE'/'EXISTENCE'/'WORLD'/'PLANET EARTH' NOR ANY OTHER THING BECAHAE I JUSR DONT FOR FUCKS SAKE BECAUSD I LITERALLT JUST DONT AND NEVER WILL !!!!!! ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ANY REASON AT ALL. LITERALLY ANY. REASON. I couldn't care any less that i 'have it all', that i have 'good'/great parents/family' (and i don't give a shit lol), that im 'wanted'/'loved' or whatever that means lol, that I have 'good'/'great' life, that im allowed to "everything/anything/whatever 'i want'", that i have 'freedom'/'shelter'/'comfort'/' and that 'my parents' want 'independence'/' happiness'/'joy'/'health'/'satisfaction'/'fullfilment'/'enjoyment' and many other "good things"/"positive things" for 'me' and I DONT CARE. Im not "suffering" AT ALL in ANY WAY at all for absolutely anything/any 'reason', and? lol. something "bad"/"painful"/"disappointed"/"regretful"/"horrible" or whatever other """"bad thing"""" (or whatever all those 'words'/"""negative""" adjectives mean lmao) doesn't have to 'happen' for me to [literally SIMPLY JUST] not want/not care about/not have any "interest" nor "curiosity" about anything at all. It is possible to LITERALLY GENUINELY DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY BASICALLY JUST NOT WANT/NOT CARE ABOUT/NOT 'BE' "INTERESTED" IN ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL. I dont say "i dont want to live life 'because of a reason'/'if it's this or that way'/'if it's like this'/'a life this way'/'if its ''''bad'''' or whatever other ''''negative'''' way'/'bc|if this or that happens/if it 'works' 'this way'/'like this'/if it's 'about' this or that' nor literally any other thing. I just dont want to live/have any And nothing "bad" has ever happened/happens to 'me'/'in my life' so. I simply just don't want to be part of 'existence'/'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' nor literally any other thing no matter what/how it is. I sim Also please don't make any assumptions because it's not anything that you probably are thinking, it's not because of any 'reason' at all, literally nothing "bad" is happening to 'me' nor any other type of thing, i SIMPLY LITERALLY just don't give a shit about 'life' nor any other thing in general, I simply just don't want to 'live'/'do'/'experience' 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' nor LITERALLY any other thing, at all. I don't give a fucking shit if whoever is reading this believes it or not but I obviously know that it's the TRUTH and will never change (and I don't want it at all to change lol, i have no problem with that, why should this (or whatever other 'thing' that 'exists'/'can exist' an obligation/obligatory? Why can't i literally just not want ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL AND DONT WANT TO WANT ABSOLUTELY ANY FCKING THING AT ALL without it being "because of a reason"?
sigh why do i keep posting lol it's like I'm calling for assumptions. i guess sorry that it is too long, you obviously dont have to read and pls dont quote/answer this post, it's gonna be an assumption and i dont want to read that shit
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Lilja
Member
- Aug 8, 2020
- 15
Black Rose Bunny
I’m having simpsons of mental illness
- Jan 29, 2020
- 116
Tbh even if it was $100k I'd probably stay alive, I feel like money can fix a lot of things. But who knows maybe the awful factors in my life that I don't think of much would flare up to take the place of the fixed ones
All washed up
Experienced
- Oct 31, 2020
- 232
MiepMoop
Member
- Aug 22, 2020
- 29
Not really, my loneliness will always stay even if I have an unlimited amount of money.
It will just make me think they're around for the money and not for me.
I would probably take the money though, since I'm willing to stay alive for longer so my family can live their life in wealth.
It will just make me think they're around for the money and not for me.
I would probably take the money though, since I'm willing to stay alive for longer so my family can live their life in wealth.
Surgeon
anam cara
- Mar 2, 2020
- 61
1m would be plenty
Money is evil unfortunately
Money is evil unfortunately
Gnip
Bill the Cat
- Oct 10, 2020
- 621
No, definitely not, because no amount of money can cure severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea, reverse aging, send me back in time to an era when I had hope for the future and the world still had potential.
Even 100 billion or a trillion can't do anything to address my issues and losses. My youth was ripped off and I want it ALL back with MORE than all my original potential, EXCLUSIVELY on my OWN terms, with no hint of compromise.
Might CTB give me EVERYTHING I could ever want and more, into infinity? Possibly, but I know for an absolute fact that life offers me no such potential.
I want 72,000 virgins who ALL rate a 250 or more on a scale of 1-10.
Fuck life, and fuck bribery for trying to convince me to continue suffering. Life SUCKS!!!
Even 100 billion or a trillion can't do anything to address my issues and losses. My youth was ripped off and I want it ALL back with MORE than all my original potential, EXCLUSIVELY on my OWN terms, with no hint of compromise.
Might CTB give me EVERYTHING I could ever want and more, into infinity? Possibly, but I know for an absolute fact that life offers me no such potential.
I want 72,000 virgins who ALL rate a 250 or more on a scale of 1-10.
Fuck life, and fuck bribery for trying to convince me to continue suffering. Life SUCKS!!!
imdone1
Member
- Oct 11, 2020
- 27
Lupgevif
.
- Jul 23, 2020
- 928
I would postpone the date. I'd have a little fun with it first. Decide some good charities and people to share a little with. Then get a good gun.
lexcsa
Member
- Jun 14, 2020
- 6
$100 million would sure be nice, but I would prefer to die. Getting all that money would just cause even more headaches down the road, on top of everything I'm suffering from now. I just want to have friends that care about me and not just the money. I don't want to be a walking bank account for people to just use. I would rather have a partner that cares for me and we live paycheck to paycheck if we have to, over having a ton of money and people just acting like they like me.
I would:
1 Settle any/all family debt
2 Present each house 2 million straight up.
3 Cover the taxes.
4 Do all the grunt work involved in splitting it up to as many human charities as possible with the
intent of achieving something like a perpetual fund. Organization done properly just
helps more people.
5 When i was down to my last dollar, I would burn it in my palm
and when the flame went out crush the ashes in my fist and press them to my lips
and whisper a curse for every bastard who fed us death to make that holy coin.
and release it to wind.
6 Bum a few bucks for some bud.
1 Settle any/all family debt
2 Present each house 2 million straight up.
3 Cover the taxes.
4 Do all the grunt work involved in splitting it up to as many human charities as possible with the
intent of achieving something like a perpetual fund. Organization done properly just
helps more people.
5 When i was down to my last dollar, I would burn it in my palm
and when the flame went out crush the ashes in my fist and press them to my lips
and whisper a curse for every bastard who fed us death to make that holy coin.
and release it to wind.
6 Bum a few bucks for some bud.
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Niirvana
♥Soon♥
- Sep 18, 2020
- 436
The problem its that i dont like nothing, nothing makes me happy, I feel a huge emptiness
ecmnesia
the only thing humans are equal in is death
- Aug 30, 2020
- 767
money would definitely ease the burden of existence, considering my material needs would all be satisfied. I'd be able to drown in misery without worries.
still, there is no running away from the self.
still, there is no running away from the self.
KleinerWolf
Account Wipe.
- Apr 30, 2020
- 2,700
Money is not evil.
It's what some people do with money that's evil.
