Venting freedom and death

[xeno112007]

I want to ctb but today I doubted whether it was right because there is a chance where I will acheive freedom but I thought rationally that if I live there are three possibilities that is 1.I will never be free(this is what I thought at first)2.I will be free but only after a certain age which will be not worth the suffering of being slave till that.3.I will be free before that certain age. I am not free now and been a slave for long time and my effort to escape are many but failed. So there is a high chance I will continue being slave and my effort wont work till death(1.I will never be free).1 and 2 are bad and only option is 3 but 3 is not worth enough the chances of 1 and 2. I will consider ctb even if its 50/50 because I dont think its worth trouble.Ctb which is fine for since it cant come into worst or best case because I believe after death there is no me and no emotions so I prefer it than a chance of negative case scenario. I am sorry for being confusing here I mean freedom as discipline because discipline gives freedom from your impulses.I am also sorry if this feels like ctb is best decision for you,I not am promoting it. Some people may value freedom more and think it is worth the suffering which is good for you because we will never knew the truth.We will never knew whether we are making right decision. But I chose this.thanks.I am sorry again if this seems promoting please dont take decisions on this. this is just my venting