thirdrailer
Member
- Oct 24, 2020
- 48
I've been fantasizing about various methods. In my fantasies, I had always abandoned the attempt. I was reading the "how to hang yourself" thread and it suggests you close your hand around your neck to make sure you have the right spot. I did so just now. As I felt my pulse more and more heavily, I found my mind's voice thinking, "this is the right answer, <my chosen name>." I found it really affirming that my chosen name came to me in that moment. I also felt sadness. Like I was saying good-bye to myself. It felt right. It felt like it's time. I'm sad. I don't want to go. But staying is too hard. I don't think I'm going to CTB today, but I feel maybe a sense of timeliness.