Started my fast

[Kowahi2310]

Good luck..

 

[jgm63]

Demonstrator : not sure we should be making light of the situation really.....

I'm sure you meant no harm, but perhaps you could delete that post because I think it might be slightly insensitive....

 

[Neverod]

Damn, hope you are ok, will be waiting for your update.

 

[smirlap]

Hope you ll be oki

SI is a real bitch ... Pl don't blame urself . if ctbing was easy many of us here would have already done it . hope u r OK , we r all here for u. Wish u well my friend

Sorry but english is not my mother tongue, what s SI?

 

[jgm63]

Hope you ll be oki



Sorry but english is not my mother tongue, what s SI?

Survival Instinct

 

[Jen0804]

I think I came too late :(
I'm sending love your way. I am sorry it came to this for you and I am thinking of you.

 

[Stan]

Sending good thoughts your way. Try not to beat yourself up over this, it will only make things worse for you. Always here to talk

 

[Jean4]

I failed SI kicked in, at hospital I will update later.

Lots of love. We are here for you.

 

[Jen0804]

Sending good thoughts your way. Try not to beat yourself up over this, it will only make things worse for you. Always here to talk

I agree with Stan

Don't beat yourself up. Rest and treat yourself well, so you can recover enough to get out of hospital. Xoxo

 

[itistimetoleave]

Can you tell what happened? Did you throw up all the SN

 

[Rachel74]

Thinking of you

 

[trynacbt]

We are here for you. Hope you're doing okay.

 

[Soul]

@Notf1xable, have some (((hugs))) and be gentle with yourself. Keep hydrated and get plenty of rest and fresh air. x

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Sorry to see you leaving. All the best

 

[Dystopia]

Sorry it didn't work out; my thoughts will be with you

 

[Bombasflower]

May you be well
I hope you get better soon

 

[bea1974]

Thinking of you. Sorry you didn't get the outcome you hoped for. Hope you are in reasonably good hands.

 

[Asta]

All our thoughts are with you. Much love

 

[OnlyMercy]

Good luck friend, I hope your journey is peaceful and merciful.

 

[Notf1xable]

I'm still in the hospital, I got out of ICU yesterday. I'm gonna write up something about my experience, and part of me is so mad at myself I didn't get a full dose so I thought I would be okay. If I hadn't of called I would be dead, I didn't expect to puke right as drinking it. It burned like hell going down, the taste being salty is an understatement. If I think about it too hard I remember it. And it burns going down the throat. Also, when they think you are dying at least my experience they make sure to not care about how many times they stick you, and other stuff. Almost felt like they wanted me to feel every painful blood draw as punishment for even attempting.

Psych is twisting my words in my assessment, I'm looking into laws that protect people with ptsd and the scandal with the Florida hospital. They didn't like the studies I had brought up and examples of th stuff not working. Having some solid reasoning and examples of things from other cultures and asking how holding me longer than the required amount would be beneficial long term. And went through every situation in detail asking for a solution and not some "magical cure" of what they would do and adding another bill. I'm not sure they were ready for my questions.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Oh my gosh that sounds awful and terrifying!

I feel for you. Wish you release from your pain.

 

[ThisIsTheLastNight]

I'm still in the hospital, I got out of ICU yesterday. I'm gonna write up something about my experience, and part of me is so mad at myself I didn't get a full dose so I thought I would be okay. If I hadn't of called I would be dead, I didn't expect to puke right as drinking it. It burned like hell going down, the taste being salty is an understatement. If I think about it too hard I remember it. And it burns going down the throat. Also, when they think you are dying at least my experience they make sure to not care about how many times they stick you, and other stuff. Almost felt like they wanted me to feel every painful blood draw as punishment for even attempting.

Psych is twisting my words in my assessment, I'm looking into laws that protect people with ptsd and the scandal with the Florida hospital. They didn't like the studies I had brought up and examples of th stuff not working. Having some solid reasoning and examples of things from other cultures and asking how holding me longer than the required amount would be beneficial long term. And went through every situation in detail asking for a solution and not some "magical cure" of what they would do and adding another bill. I'm not sure they were ready for my questions.

Thank you very much for reporting and not just disappearing. Hope you will have no financial problems because of the treatment costs. I also think that for them it's all about earning money and whether they can ultimately help you or not doesn't matter to them. That they even caused you unnecessary pain shows what a lousy character they have to treat you like this. human scum.

 

[Notf1xable]

Thank you very much for reporting and not just disappearing. Hope you will have no financial problems because of the treatment costs. I also think that for them it's all about earning money and whether they can ultimately help you or not doesn't matter to them. That they even caused you unnecessary pain shows what a lousy character they have to treat you like this. human scum.

I kinda called them out on that and how psychiatry works period. They weren't ready for my reasoning to say the least. I've also realized they have been telling the providers I used cyanide and that is kinda weird. Maybe they are afraid of copy cats even within the system. I'm sure this is going to put a financial strain on me. I can sometimes charge my phone but not 100 sure. I also had to kinda fight to keep my phone but I've had it just weary to get on here. They are really pushing it to me if I hadn't of called I would have died. I can see where something to knock someone out would be necessary. But the taste is I don't even know how bad it did taste my body just wasn't even letting it go fully down my throat. I'm guessing gag reflex but with that it wasn't too much that I had.

After drinking what I could, I immediately through up and felt the burning in my throat. And I thought since I threw up I could just tough it out and I had not had enough to be lethal I mixed 25gm (measured with scale) in 100ml. It looked clear and had no smell to it. I stared it down for awhile before I finally got the courage to drink it. I also had my sad soundtrack of "last songs" going.

When I drank it, the taste was the saltiest salt (I will not be eating my favorite sea salt and vinegar chips for a long time). Like I stated earlier I puked and my throat burned like I assume acid would feel like. The taste was so much I dumped out the rest, I figured I did not get enough to do anything. I got up and tried to sleep it off, I had seen another post about sleeping something off with symptoms like a hangover and I was just gonna lay down.

My body then started to break into a sweat and I felt like I was burning up. I felt dizzy and saw floaters. Then it stopped and I felt okay for a minute. And it kept switching between the two of those. I was slowly going more and more out of it. There was a slight soreness to my body (kinda like when you start to have the flu). My SI then kicked in, if I had been asleep and not tasted it, I would have succeeded. I didn't time my sleeping pill right as well. The thing that got me a lot was the taste, I don't think I could have prepared for it. For my taste buds and I tried to get to the back of the mouth, but like I said I also puked automatically.

Thank you very much for reporting and not just disappearing. Hope you will have no financial problems because of the treatment costs. I also think that for them it's all about earning money and whether they can ultimately help you or not doesn't matter to them. That they even caused you unnecessary pain shows what a lousy character they have to treat you like this. human scum.

I think it's part of the pro life things, I've been a human pin cushion. Between the IVs, blood draws, and they put a line straight to a vein. If it had happened to me instead of the situation they may have felt I deserved even Tylenol or ibuprofen to at least take the edge off of everything.

 

[Notf1xable]

They are sending me inpatient against my will, yay they are actively making things worse.

 

[itistimetoleave]

They are sending me inpatient against my will, yay they are actively making things worse.

Oh I am sorry but they probably won't send you home anytime soon.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I failed SI kicked in, at hospital I will update later.

You didn't fail. You got farther than you've been. You had a practice run. I just hope you're able to get free from the hospital whenever you're ready and that you're feeling okay soon. Thank you for letting us know.

They are sending me inpatient against my will, yay they are actively making things worse.

Ugh. I'm sorry. I hope it passes quickly.

 

[Notf1xable]

I'm finally out, debating on trying to improve life and see from there. I made some good friends while "locked up". I almost had to go before a judge, my life isn't really better. But I think part of it was being scared of what's next. In the moment it was more being scared of the possible nothingness. But there was a bunch of bs "be positive" and other stuff. One of the counselors actually listened, but the other one that claimed she had issues was very all about the bootstraps. Being in a conservative state is bs, they used old af information in groups, and there were some educated people there that agreed. The experience of being there and feeling gaslit and being told to "get over it".

 

[itistimetoleave]

I'm finally out, debating on trying to improve life and see from there. I made some good friends while "locked up". I almost had to go before a judge, my life isn't really better. But I think part of it was being scared of what's next. In the moment it was more being scared of the possible nothingness. But there was a bunch of bs "be positive" and other stuff. One of the counselors actually listened, but the other one that claimed she had issues was very all about the bootstraps. Being in a conservative state is bs, they used old af information in groups, and there were some educated people there that agreed. The experience of being there and feeling gaslit and being told to "get over it".

Do you think the inpatient helped?

 

[metalchic_74]

I wasn't able to get the recommended anti emetic I have the generic for Zolfran and the anti acid. I have a scale to measure the amount by the gram, so I'm setting up my messages to be sent. Quickly rewriting and writing some letters and then it's bottoms up. I figure I'll chug it and hold my nose. Plus I'm gonna make sure when I mix it there's nothing left and it completely absorbs it. And I have had the sn since last two weeks of last month.

You don't need a scale 2 TBSP is 27 grams

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I'm finally out, debating on trying to improve life and see from there. I made some good friends while "locked up". I almost had to go before a judge, my life isn't really better. But I think part of it was being scared of what's next. In the moment it was more being scared of the possible nothingness. But there was a bunch of bs "be positive" and other stuff. One of the counselors actually listened, but the other one that claimed she had issues was very all about the bootstraps. Being in a conservative state is bs, they used old af information in groups, and there were some educated people there that agreed. The experience of being there and feeling gaslit and being told to "get over it".

Im so sorry you had to suffer through that after an attempt. the fake "It gets better" and other platitudes are like slaps in the face. I live in a very very conservitive province and the idiots are the same way. they dont even admit me tot he hospital anymore. you are not alone, hope you feel a little better and find a spark for life :)