Leaving family for the last time.

[toughtimes100]

I'm 45. Married with 3 kids. I'm suffering from Akathisia. Whole body neuropathy. Severe cognitive issues depression. DPDR. Lost my job. All because of a doctor taking me off a benzo and Cymbalta almost cold turkey. I'm bringing everyone down. I need to CTB tomorrow as we're supposed to be buying another house in Thursday. If I'm alive the sale will go through but I know my wife won't be able to afford the repayments for 20 years. If I'm not here the sale will fall thru and she'll be safe in our current house as it's paid off. It's breaking me knowing I'll just be saying goodbye to them all, them thinking I'll be home in a few hours but the reality is I'll not. I can't stop crying. This is destroying me. I've wanted to CTB for the past 16 months since the Akathisia started. I've tried everything but nothing has calmed it down. I spend the whole day screaming and pacing. Never slept for years. Please help.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm so sorry you're suffering.

What's your CTB method?

 

[toughtimes100]

I'm so sorry you're suffering.

What's your CTB method?

FSH.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

My heart is breaking for you

 

[unluckysadness]

I understand you as I'm disabled too with huge pain all day long. I wish you peace. May God help you

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry you have to go through all this, I wish you the best, hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[idiotmother]

also suffer from medication induced damage that no one believes me about. Sorry for you ;( you're not alone. And also wishing you peace and what not as it seems you'll be carrying this out quite soon. I truly hope it ends your suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible, I'm sorry you've had to suffer so unbearably in this cruel, torturous existence, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[Eternal Disaster]

I can feel you. May be I saw my dad for the last time today. And I saw rest of them 3 days ago. I don't know if I will make it to next holidays or not. I really don't know what to do. When I looked at my dad before he left the campus the thought of CTB came to my mind and i felt guilty. I know he has done a lot of wrong things but at the end he is my father and he was not like this since starting, i really feel so bad. I don't know if I will ever go back home again or not. There is a storm in my head now. Man this world is so cruel. The worst things humans have are emotions.