Discussion Staring at my SN....

[Blueberry Panic]

Whenever things start getting bad , like I'm splitting because of my bpd or I feel a need to self sabotage I grab my bag of SN and just stare at it .
I can stare at it for hours .
I think about taking it so much but ... I have someone that I don't want to leave behind . I can't leave her behind.
She'd just follow after me ...

 

[DivineSpark]

Yeah, when I feel suicidal, I get images of my loved ones into my head and mind....

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't think it is too healthy to have SN at your disposal like that if so, there is a risk of impulse. But I know I'd probably do the same if I had it myself, so in no way judging. I've stared down very high places for hours too and did similar things, late night highway walks and so on. I get the comfort of getting as close as posible to that which a part of you so desperatedly wants but can't have as it would hurt those around you.
I'm happy you have someone to love. I wish you could do so easier and without having to deal with this pain.
big hugs at ya <3

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I felt the same when I still had my SN, sometimes it'd feel like it was mocking me, taunting me, just nudging me closer to using it.

So I seriously feel you - it's truly a fucked up thing. That said, I hope things start to go your way and you're able to stay with your love. ٩( 'ω' )و

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Yeah, when I feel suicidal, I get images of my loved ones into my head and mind....

Almost everytime I attempt now I see faces and it makes me stop , it's really annoying

I felt the same when I still had my SN, sometimes it'd feel like it was mocking me, taunting me, just nudging me closer to using it.

So I seriously feel you - it's truly a fucked up thing. That said, I hope things start to go your way and you're able to stay with your love. ٩( 'ω' )و

I wish I could go back to a psych ward ... just hate being able to openly have so .... many options around me...

 

[DeathWish3301]

Fellow Borderline. I've had my SN for months and I do the same thing.

I'm not scared to die, at all. I just don't like knowing how bad the SN is going to hurt. I know there is a lot of anecdotal testimonials on here; but there's so much differing info on how bad it is.