Venting Stalling

[shiba]

I've been distracting myself with things that really don't matter. I phrase this as a distraction not recovery because I haven't and won't take any steps to improve myself. I don't enjoy living like this, but I distract myself still. There isn't any reason I'm delaying. I can only see things getting worse. It might look like this is because I don't want to die and I should try recovery, but I'm not recovering at all. Things have only ever gotten worse for me, and in the future I may curse myself for not taking my life sooner. I don't want to wait until I screw my life up to do this, but I still stall. Maybe because I don't have the motivation to prepare things, or maybe for no reason at all. When I think about it I arrive at the same conclusion; dying would be better than living. For now I will continue inching closer to death. I don't like mentally avoiding it when It's still something I plan on doing.

 

[Worndown]

You say stalling.
I say not ready yet.
Some day you might do it...or not.
People recover or at least find ways to cope.
That chapter has not been written yet.

 

[EmptyBottle]

wow, similar before my CTB attempt in 2022!
Tho it was more of "avoid everything, read msn news and more" until that avoidance ended up in some deadline passing, and that, combined with fear of things getting worse led me to "the one way bus" (yet I skipped the ticket process by skipping steps, conditions eventually improved and I registered here)

 

[MyShadow]

We are in the same situation. I should be either working hard to fix or end my life, yet find myself in the limbo of doing neither.

My fear is, as I continue to procrastinate, that my situation gets worse and the my options become more limited, thus forcing me to make a hasty decision. For example, a poorly planned suicide that results in making matters worse.

 

[EmptyBottle]

We are in the same situation. I should be either working hard to fix or end my life, yet find myself in the limbo of doing neither.

My fear is, as I continue to procrastinate, that my situation gets worse and the my options become more limited, thus forcing me to make a hasty decision. For example, a poorly planned suicide that results in making matters worse.

What activities do u do when u procrastinate, and what do u wish to escape from?

 

[MyShadow]

What activities do u do when u procrastinate, and what do u wish to escape from?

I watch movies, I scribble in my journal and spend way too much time on SanSu. I am becoming obsessive about CTB but doing nothing about it.

My situation, both personal and professional, has deteriorated and my mental health have spiraled beyond my capacity to cope. I am trying to escape inevitable poverty, loneliness, old age and being at the mercy of the decisions of others.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I watch movies, I scribble in my journal and spend way too much time on SanSu. I am becoming obsessive about CTB but doing nothing about it.

My situation, both personal and professional, has deteriorated and my mental health have spiraled beyond my capacity to cope. I am trying to escape inevitable poverty, loneliness, old age and being at the mercy of the decisions of others.

Mmm... I also would like a bit more independence (tho I think I may be halfway there)

I browse SaSu and the web a lot, Played Minecraft today (survival) after ages, and chatted in a chat I designed for ages.

Around 2021 or so I remember reading the whole 5 Last Acts (2015) PDF over the course of many weeks or so, after getting stuck on assigned tasks (but I read it before and after). I probably felt similar, tho it took lots of assistance, some attempts to improve... and a lot of time before I felt less like wishing CTB.