Discussion Spent the last 8 days in hospital

[Devils_candY]

Hey, I don't know how many of you have spent time in psych lockdown somewhere. For those of you who aren't familiar with a suicidal hold, get this. Your isolated cause your supposedly suicidal, clothes and often belongings will be taken from you and that gives uou time to dwell in this anxious, sardonic, depressive state, with absolutely no sensory awareness. Just you, inside you, inside your brain... yup, ffuuucccckkkkkk.... then be thrown into a a small one bed white room to be left alone for hours, still no sensory overload here either... then do that straight for 3-20 days.... fuunnnnn!!!!

I just got out of Humboldt park health in Chicago's west side town of Humboldt park. I've been to other hospitals, but the last 8 days of my life at HpH... fuck me runnin!!!¡¡!! I spent every hour immersed with poetry about death flowing from my fingers and as night met day I would fold right into the sobbing and screaming about how unfair life is. This is no poor me story. It's a discussion topic.

Id like to know if you've been in hospital and when/why. Did you have a good time or did you have to hide and lie about being suicidal just so you could be left alone? Did you lie your way out of hospital or did you tough it out?

Hospitals can be hell... what's you thinkin'?

 

[the_final_countdown]

For my illness I was in the hospital.

Some parts were hell.

Most of it was hell.

But I didn't want to leave.

I wanted to die there.

I wanted them to say, "We found a tumor. You're only have a few days left. We'll monitor you here."

But that didn't happen. Had to go home.

Four months later every day is torture. Every day is agony.

 

[Conflict3d]

Yeah, I've been to a psych ward for a week pretty recently because my health was so bad that I was suicidal. They didn't help me at all over there honestly and I had to basically lie every day that I was fine in order to get out.

 

[whywere]

After my 2nd attempt, I was put in the psych ward for 2 weeks! HATED IT! When I got there, had to take everything off, and put on what I was given. Then put in a hospital room with another patient , who was coming off of something?! OH JOY! Had to have my feet off the floor and in bed from 10:30pm till 6am. Was on suicide watch, so every 10 minutes I had a small flashlight shined on me all night! MORE FUN!! I was not keen on the idea of taking all the drugs that they wanted me too, hey no problem!, we have a court date set up for you since you will not do what we want. The court date was about getting committed for at least 6months! Had to fight that one out in court by myself. I won! Was released ONLY when I signed up to have a case worker come to my flat one a week for 6 months and judge me, as far as if I should be committed. The whole experience was HELL ON EARTH! Walter

 

[Devils_candY]

For my illness I was in the hospital.

Some parts were hell.

Most of it was hell.

But I didn't want to leave.

I wanted to die there.

I wanted them to say, "We found a tumor. You're only have a few days left. We'll monitor you here."

But that didn't happen. Had to go home.

Four months later every day is torture. Every day is agony.

You had to have just pulled that from my head? Even in every day life I try to not look both ways before crossing the street hoping il get hit and killed quickly... the only thing I achieve is screaming brakes, rude comments and honking horns...

Thank you so much for posting this. You really hit me in a soft spot. Thank you

Yeah, I've been to a psych ward for a week pretty recently because my health was so bad that I was suicidal. They didn't help me at all over there honestly and I had to basically lie every day that I was fine in order to get out.

That's how it always goes for me. It's sad that we have to be so sad and lie about it to make sure we don't get beat down further...

After my 2nd attempt, I was put in the psych ward for 2 weeks! HATED IT! When I got there, had to take everything off, and put on what I was given. Then put in a hospital room with another patient , who was coming off of something?! OH JOY! Had to have my feet off the floor and in bed from 10:30pm till 6am. Was on suicide watch, so every 10 minutes I had a small flashlight shined on me all night! MORE FUN!! I was not keen on the idea of taking all the drugs that they wanted me too, hey no problem!, we have a court date set up for you since you will not do what we want. The court date was about getting committed for at least 6months! Had to fight that one out in court by myself. I won! Was released ONLY when I signed up to have a case worker come to my flat one a week for 6 months and judge me, as far as if I should be committed. The whole experience was HELL ON EARTH! Walter

Thr experience described... beautifully. They don't realize how much damage they really do in that environment.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry to hear this. The system sucks.

As for me, last year I didn't end up in a psych ward but I did end up 1 month in hospital, totally monitored by nurses and doctors who woke me up all the time. It was hell and then things kept on sucking for 5 more months because I was forced to live with my parents again.

Now, I'm finally free but I really hope no one goes through that or even worse, end up in a goddamn psych ward!!!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

I haven't personally, but it's my idea of a nightmare. It's why I keep my thoughts to myself. I don't see how there is much difference between them and prisons. I've already spent enough time in medical settings due to different health problems and I have had bad experiences there.

 

[Emu]

I'm still in one, 4 weeks yesterday…!! It's not to bad… has its moments but this is it for now!

 

[whywere]

I'm still in one, 4 weeks yesterday…!! It's not to bad… has its moments but this is it for now!

Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes. I have been in the hospital also and I tried to make the best of it.

All my best to you and thinking of you.

Walter

 

[Dragon's Heart]

All I wanted to do was talk to a crisis counselor in an effort to relieve suicidal pressure. Involuntary commitment is prison. No Miranda rights even though a hearing with a judge is scheduled. Basic Constitutional rights are suspended. No one tells you how things work around there and you're thrown into a room with a plastic mat for a bed. The guards are nurses that don't really want to b there and "treatment" is a joke. It's more about compliance and punishment. Yes, I lied the whole time I was there in order to get out. They kept treating me for high blood pressure even though the situation that was forced on me was the reason for it. They do not listen to you because you're a mental patient and obviously don't know what you're talking about and are unable to make reasonable decisions. Never in my life have I been exposed to so much bullshit. I naively went there thinking that the system had changed from years ago but it hasn't changed, it just has a more pleasing appearance to the outside world. I will never go back again and I grieve the loss of yet another resource to help me out.

 

[myopybyproxy]

All I wanted to do was talk to a crisis counselor in an effort to relieve suicidal pressure. Involuntary commitment is prison. No Miranda rights even though a hearing with a judge is scheduled. Basic Constitutional rights are suspended. No one tells you how things work around there and you're thrown into a room with a plastic mat for a bed. The guards are nurses that don't really want to b there and "treatment" is a joke. It's more about compliance and punishment. Yes, I lied the whole time I was there in order to get out. They kept treating me for high blood pressure even though the situation that was forced on me was the reason for it. They do not listen to you because you're a mental patient and obviously don't know what you're talking about and are unable to make reasonable decisions. Never in my life have I been exposed to so much bullshit. I naively went there thinking that the system had changed from years ago but it hasn't changed, it just has a more pleasing appearance to the outside world. I will never go back again and I grieve the loss of yet another resource to help me out.

Exactly this. It is worse than a prison because you have no lawyer or rights whatsoever. Only the arbitrary decision of power-hungry sadists who drug you til you can barely walk or think - and anything you say or do to convince them you're fine is 'just your illness talking'.

Stayed 3 weeks in general hospital, then another 3 in psych inpatient, then 7 in residential consecutively (winter 2019-2020). Lied my way down the levels and out of the fucking system. I'd surely be back there in an instant due to paternalising 'we know what's best for you' propaganda from all of society - bastards wouldn't do a damn thing 'for your (my) own good' unless it benefitted them more. It is my ultimate fear to go back. That is why I cannot risk failure. Failing once before earned me a ticket to the nuthouse.

I cannot type more - I'd hurl my computer at the wall. The fact that our society is considered 'civilised' and yet still considers this torture 'therapuetic' enrages me so.

 

[whywere]

All I wanted to do was talk to a crisis counselor in an effort to relieve suicidal pressure. Involuntary commitment is prison. No Miranda rights even though a hearing with a judge is scheduled. Basic Constitutional rights are suspended. No one tells you how things work around there and you're thrown into a room with a plastic mat for a bed. The guards are nurses that don't really want to b there and "treatment" is a joke. It's more about compliance and punishment. Yes, I lied the whole time I was there in order to get out. They kept treating me for high blood pressure even though the situation that was forced on me was the reason for it. They do not listen to you because you're a mental patient and obviously don't know what you're talking about and are unable to make reasonable decisions. Never in my life have I been exposed to so much bullshit. I naively went there thinking that the system had changed from years ago but it hasn't changed, it just has a more pleasing appearance to the outside world. I will never go back again and I grieve the loss of yet another resource to help me out.

100% agree with you, as when I was put in the hospital, I was treated like a person who had done something really bad. HATED it and crossed it off the list of helpful resources.

Walter

Exactly this. It is worse than a prison because you have no lawyer or rights whatsoever. Only the arbitrary decision of power-hungry sadists who drug you til you can barely walk or think - and anything you say or do to convince them you're fine is 'just your illness talking'.

Stayed 3 weeks in general hospital, then another 3 in psych inpatient, then 7 in residential consecutively (winter 2019-2020). Lied my way down the levels and out of the fucking system. I'd surely be back there in an instant due to paternalising 'we know what's best for you' propaganda from all of society - bastards wouldn't do a damn thing 'for your (my) own good' unless it benefitted them more. It is my ultimate fear to go back. That is why I cannot risk failure. Failing once before earned me a ticket to the nuthouse.

I cannot type more - I'd hurl my computer at the wall. The fact that our society is considered 'civilised' and yet still considers this torture 'therapuetic' enrages me so.

YES, yes, yes as you are 100% the way I was treated and how I feel. After I was put in, I had to have my feet off the floor and in bed from 10:30pm till 6:00am or all hell broke loose. HATED IT with a passion. To me it was all about the insurance money. I was charged something like $28,500 per week (in U.S. dollars) in the hospital for "help" and/or "treatment". Ya, right.

Take care my good friend.

Walter

 

[Imthevillain]

Yes a few years ago I had my first psychotic break due to my bipolar disorder. I thought I had some sort of worm/parasite running thru my veins. I had nvr hallucinated before so I was adamant I was right. I was taken to the worst, absolute WORST, mental institution. They cold turkey'd me off many of my meds, including Xanax. I was so frustrated that nobody believed me, so I kept asking the nurses if they could see my "proof". Naturally they got tired of my asking. They were so unnecessarily hateful to me. They did not help w my hallucinations at all. I should have been taken somewhere that had other ppl as bad as I was. However I was taken to a psych ward full of suicidal/severely depressed ppl, then there was me…convinced parasites were transferring from my fingertips to everything I touch. I was terrified. I refused to eat bc I thought they transferred to the food as well. Those ppl were so cruel to me. Both the workers and other patients. I left there in worse shape than when I entered. My psychosis had advanced to all kinds of crazy beliefs. I was then sent to a different psych hospital that had a lock down unit w other severely mentally disturbed ppl within a cpl weeks of returning home as my hallucinations had only gotten worse. That place was so much better and I wish I'd been taken there in the first place. So, for me, the lockdown unit was both necessary and so much more comfortable. I've nvr in my life heard anyone else say they prefer the lockdown unit of the psych ward, but I was just grateful to be treated like a human.

All I wanted to do was talk to a crisis counselor in an effort to relieve suicidal pressure. Involuntary commitment is prison. No Miranda rights even though a hearing with a judge is scheduled. Basic Constitutional rights are suspended. No one tells you how things work around there and you're thrown into a room with a plastic mat for a bed. The guards are nurses that don't really want to b there and "treatment" is a joke. It's more about compliance and punishment. Yes, I lied the whole time I was there in order to get out. They kept treating me for high blood pressure even though the situation that was forced on me was the reason for it. They do not listen to you because you're a mental patient and obviously don't know what you're talking about and are unable to make reasonable decisions. Never in my life have I been exposed to so much bullshit. I naively went there thinking that the system had changed from years ago but it hasn't changed, it just has a more pleasing appearance to the outside world. I will never go back again and I grieve the loss of yet another resource to help me out.

That sounds traumatizing tbh. I'm so sry you went thru such horrible treatment. I do not understand why they put suicidal ppl in places like that. I feel like that just makes the desire to leave the awful earth even greater. I thought the psych ward I went to was bad, but yours sounds like worse than prison. Like you were being punished for hurting so deeply you were considering suicide. I thought my experience was bad, but this sounds almost abusive. Sucks you probably feel even more alone than before you went in. I hope you nvr have to experience that again.

 

[Elegy]

I spent 7 days in a psych ward. It was almost as bad as jail, and I got NO help there. And they billed me $5,000.

But I have no regrets, because, there was a 350 pound black dude storming around threatening staff. He shoved his foot in the nurse station door, and the nurse could not close the door, and she was terrified of this monstrous guy.

At which point I stepped up and said....
Dude. You wanna hear me play a song on my guitar?
(That facility had a community acoustic guitar)
And he was like... Sure.
Well, next thing, this terrifying monster of a man, with the mind of a child, laid his head on my shoulder, and fell asleep like a baby, as I hummed and strummed the guitar. I think I began with, Led Zep, Tangerine.

So in that respect, I have no regrets.
I am a small man. 6' 180. I have been beaten down by bullies many times.
And this 350 pound 7 foot tall Giant, Laid his head on my shoulder and fell asleep like a lil baby boy.
I'll never forget that.
Probably nobody ever loved him.

Would I do it again?
No. I'm strictly OUTpatient now.
And $40,000 deep in medical debt.

 

[little helpers]

Hey, I don't know how many of you have spent time in psych lockdown somewhere. For those of you who aren't familiar with a suicidal hold, get this. Your isolated cause your supposedly suicidal, clothes and often belongings will be taken from you and that gives uou time to dwell in this anxious, sardonic, depressive state, with absolutely no sensory awareness. Just you, inside you, inside your brain... yup, ffuuucccckkkkkk.... then be thrown into a a small one bed white room to be left alone for hours, still no sensory overload here either... then do that straight for 3-20 days.... fuunnnnn!!!!

I just got out of Humboldt park health in Chicago's west side town of Humboldt park. I've been to other hospitals, but the last 8 days of my life at HpH... fuck me runnin!!!¡¡!! I spent every hour immersed with poetry about death flowing from my fingers and as night met day I would fold right into the sobbing and screaming about how unfair life is. This is no poor me story. It's a discussion topic.

Id like to know if you've been in hospital and when/why. Did you have a good time or did you have to hide and lie about being suicidal just so you could be left alone? Did you lie your way out of hospital or did you tough it out?

Hospitals can be hell... what's you thinkin'?

okay, hear me out. psych prison is a bitch. after three days they say it's seven, after seven they say it's fourteen, after fourteen they say it'd be three months… fuck me. nah, fuck 'em. BUT, there's a ton of shit you can do, for real I mean, even when there's fuck all in there.

crackers + string cheese + ketchup from breakfast = pizza
relentlessly ask the dietitian for pudding, crush the crackers, mix with yogurt, now layer the pudding with that cracker-yogurt dough: CAKE
and whatever you got on your dinner tray you can re-make 'em into new dishes.

stealing pens from from shrinks, man I love this one. now you've prolly become the most popular inmate in the ward and can trade pen borrowing (like selling lighter clicks in prisons) for practically anything you need.

in prison you do makeup by rubbing baby oil on a magazine page. psych ward, try a color pen or crayon I guess. personally I'm not into this sorta stuff.

we take the metal wire outta 'em masks, make rings. it was beautiful. and maybe you can tease a nurse by asking for engagement now. /s save the strings too cuz they make bracelets or hair ties. had a buddy who did the whole prison inmate bracelet thing with me. it's a skill though, and we had to collect so many masks just to make one.

thread-making. that shitty bar of toothpaste, a torn bed sheet, and a stapler (we took that from the tea bags). that's all the ingredients. now enjoy fishing.

oh and everyone knows that toothpaste = glue, don't we?

I layed out a "all the drugs you can do" scene once by putting coffee in a spoon, crushing the pill I pretended to have swallowed, rolling a "joint" with decaf tea… before I got told this shit is triggering. what? I was just on my way to do my fire-making trick and smoke it!! /s

oh, and that fucking minature drum set we made. too much detail to go into, but works really well.

I don't know, man. I can keep going on forever with this. origami, joking 'bout them nurses, fake swallowing your pill… if you cup both ears with the paper cup and tap on them, that's some wonderful ASMR. I even ran a protest one time where people put their (used) forks in either cups to vote at lunchtime, before nurses were literally yelling at me. lol. good times. forgot what the voting was for, but like, something more on the trivial side. and I ran some surveys and stuff there, then spoke to each and every management person I could find. had to be super persistent to get there though. but the upside is now you can tell them how *much* they suck, and pressure them to make changes.

anyways. I got more stories.

 

[little helpers]

All I wanted to do was talk to a crisis counselor in an effort to relieve suicidal pressure. Involuntary commitment is prison. No Miranda rights even though a hearing with a judge is scheduled. Basic Constitutional rights are suspended. No one tells you how things work around there and you're thrown into a room with a plastic mat for a bed. The guards are nurses that don't really want to b there and "treatment" is a joke. It's more about compliance and punishment. Yes, I lied the whole time I was there in order to get out. They kept treating me for high blood pressure even though the situation that was forced on me was the reason for it. They do not listen to you because you're a mental patient and obviously don't know what you're talking about and are unable to make reasonable decisions. Never in my life have I been exposed to so much bullshit. I naively went there thinking that the system had changed from years ago but it hasn't changed, it just has a more pleasing appearance to the outside world. I will never go back again and I grieve the loss of yet another resource to help me out.

yes. yes. yes. the universal psych prison experience… no "patients" rights, no human rights, no outside rescue, all over-medicated. 'cept those for your physical problems, none. met a guy who was almost gonna die from hemorrhage there. came in with diaganosis and bled all over his pillow where the nurse just went, "wash it yourself". for real. he got admitted cuz cops said he's "high" and sluggishly walking into cars to "suicide". well, you tell me how a concussed, bleeding brain make you walk?! and they didn't even drug test him. I guess you cops made him high. aye.

I can't fucking understand why they got no therapists there. asked around, got told that psychologists are in shortage everywhere. okay but, can't they see this is where the demand's on highest? I was glad though. I'd not be able to pay for these imprisonments, ever, if they were stocked with top-notch therapists at that place. or leave. lying is easy when they ain't prying your mouth for an answer.

I told them they gotta need to start seeing us as clients, not motherfucking "patients". changing your language is the first step, I said. of course it had zero use at all, so I willingly made a fool of myself by wearing a DIY "client card" for days.

anyways.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I'm still in one, 4 weeks yesterday…!! It's not to bad… has its moments but this is it for now!

Hi. How did you get admitted? Are you in the uk by any chance?
Just wondering

 

[Dragon's Heart]

yes. yes. yes. the universal psych prison experience… no "patients" rights, no human rights, no outside rescue, all over-medicated. 'cept those for your physical problems, none. met a guy who was almost gonna die from hemorrhage there. came in with diaganosis and bled all over his pillow where the nurse just went, "wash it yourself". for real. he got admitted cuz cops said he's "high" and sluggishly walking into cars to "suicide". well, you tell me how a concussed, bleeding brain make you walk?! and they didn't even drug test him. I guess you cops made him high. aye.

I can't fucking understand why they got no therapists there. asked around, got told that psychologists are in shortage everywhere. okay but, can't they see this is where the demand's on highest? I was glad though. I'd not be able to pay for these imprisonments, ever, if they were stocked with top-notch therapists at that place. or leave. lying is easy when they ain't prying your mouth for an answer.

I told them they gotta need to start seeing us as clients, not motherfucking "patients". changing your language is the first step, I said. of course it had zero use at all, so I willingly made a fool of myself by wearing a DIY "client card" for days.

anyways.

I wish I had been locked up with you- you are hilarious!

 

[little helpers]

I wish I had been locked up with you- you are hilarious!

and we'd swap our pills. I'd get you a benzo if you want that but don't like your SSRI. then you can watch me get fucking high on that shit, claiming to METH KING, and go stick a middle finger in each male nurse's nostrils. you don't wanna hurt women, you don't. /s

 

[Emu]

Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes. I have been in the hospital also and I tried to make the best of it.

All my best to you and thinking of you.

Walter

Thank you for your kind words Walter.
you are definitely right on that one we must make the best of it while there, helps make it that bit easier.
All the best to you too my friend.

Hi. How did you get admitted? Are you in the uk by any chance?
Just wondering

Heya, I went in voluntary and yup UK