Method Self-stabbing and my experience.

[broth0100]

Hi, actually it wasn't physically difficult. I think because I had rehearsed the act in my mind so many times and was ready, I was able to do it quickly and without thinking. Actually, the knife I used was an antique and super dull, and because it was a valuable antique I couldn't sharpen it or I'd ruin the pattern of the tempering, so I had to rely on the point and brute force rather than the cutting edge. It seems the blade also went naturally between my ribs as it was angled horizontally instead of vertically, so there was no bone resistance. All in all, the stabbing act was done swiftly.

Gotcha ok thank u. n i wish u luck with watever you decide to do in life/with your life moving forward <3

 

[kagebunshin]

PS: the meditation thing is quite interesting, also surprised blood pressure could drop so low and be survivable (even with treatment)

When I was brought into A&E they had a lot of trouble finding veins for blood transfusion and sedation because my blood pressure was so low. They ended up putting the IVs in my feet :/

 

[bankai]

When I was brought into A&E they had a lot of trouble finding veins for blood transfusion and sedation because my blood pressure was so low. They ended up putting the IVs in my feet :/

I go for blood donation once every three months and I have the same problem with my left arm. For some reason they cannot find the vein on my left arm. But they can find it on my right arm.

 

[kagebunshin]

I go for blood donation once every three months and I have the same problem with my left arm. For some reason they cannot find the vein on my left arm. But they can find it on my right arm.

It's very admirable that you donate blood regularly! My veins are pretty fine normally, or so I believe. I had to get an IV put in every week for three months Nov-Jan when I was getting ketamine infusions and never had any issues.

 

[hammerhead239]

In the three months I prepared for my attempt, I was unemployed and unoccupied, so I didn't do much else. I used to sit by my window for hours and watch the busy street and supermarket downstairs, and take comfort in the fact that nothing about these scenes of daily life changed whether I participated in them or not. It literally made no difference whether I was alive or dead. Most importantly, I took the time to slowly go through each tie holding me to this world and reason it to break, until finally there was nothing holding me down. Then, I was free of all fear.

This is one of the things that has given me immense peace.

Actually, the knife I used was an antique and super dull, and because it was a valuable antique I couldn't sharpen it or I'd ruin the pattern of the tempering

This made me laugh out loud, thank you

 

[Bubuu]

Hi, actually it wasn't physically difficult. I think because I had rehearsed the act in my mind so many times and was ready, I was able to do it quickly and without thinking. Actually, the knife I used was an antique and super dull, and because it was a valuable antique I couldn't sharpen it or I'd ruin the pattern of the tempering, so I had to rely on the point and brute force rather than the cutting edge. It seems the blade also went naturally between my ribs as it was angled horizontally instead of vertically, so there was no bone resistance. All in all, the stabbing act was done swiftly.

I also want to stab myself in the thigh to end my life. What sort of discomfort did you feel as the effects of the adrenaline subsided? I intend to get a hunting knife or similar item. Do you have any better ideas? I choose this method because one guy from my city was killed from a stab through the thigh and died like 5 minutes. I plan to stab myself multiple times 2-4 and hopefully pass away from the shock and finally die

 

[kagebunshin]

I also want to stab myself in the thigh to end my life. What sort of discomfort did you feel as the effects of the adrenaline subsided? I intend to get a hunting knife or similar item. Do you have any better ideas? I choose this method because one guy from my city was killed from a stab through the thigh and died like 5 minutes. I plan to stab myself multiple times 2-4 and hopefully pass away from the shock and finally die

I felt significant discomfort but I wasn't rolling around screaming or anything. I was calm and restful whilst my body went into shock and I was in an out of consciousness. The feeling of blood loss was actually very peaceful (as weird as that sounds) because after a certain point, I was physically so weak that I could not experience anxiety. My heart rate and breathing were extremely low and slow whilst I was dying, which made my mental state also subdued. Personally, I think dying of blood loss is a good way to go. I would like to try again to go that way, but my experience taught me that there is a lot of room for error in injuring yourself fatally, and surviving is rough. I thought three deep stab wounds and a seven-hour wait would definitely kill me, yet here I am.

I can't speak to the difficulty or efficacy of stabbing yourself in the thigh, I don't know anything about that. All I can recommend is to not look while you do it, or after, to avoid the psychological impact of seeing the open wound and a lot of blood. I stabbed myself swiftly and did not look at myself at all once it was done. I hope you're able to get some more clarity on your chosen method.

 

[ThatRussianDude]

18th of March last year I stabbed myself with the intention of dying. Unsurprisingly, this isn't a common method to ctb and I haven't seen much if anything written about it, so I thought I would make a post about my experience. TLDR: it's way harder to die this way than you think, and surviving fucking sucks.

I had planned this method of suicide for over three months. During the planning phase, I spent a lot of time coming to terms with the method and convincing myself to do it. I felt a mixture of anticipation, relief, and existential dread. I quit my job after the New Year and spent those months alone in my apartment meditating on my death. It was difficult at times to manage the instinctual fear around dying, especially in such a heavy-handed way as I had chosen, but I never doubted my plan. I was fully committed and certain of what I would do and when.

It was around 19:30 when I cut up plastic bags and laid them on the floor of my apartment, over which I spread a picnic blanket and bath towel. I was completely sober and calm in my actions. Using a 23cm/9inch steel dagger I had ordered specially for the occasion, I stabbed myself first in the left side of my gut, through my stomach and large intestine; then into the left side of my breast through my lung and into my heart, and finally into the right side of my breast through my lung. Then, I wiped the blade clean and lay down on the floor to die.

I almost immediately lost consciousness as my body went into shock, however I didn't experience any uncontrollable terror or panic. I remained in control of my thoughts and myself the entire time. I drifted in and out of consciousness for seven hours. I was listening to a playlist at the time and I remember waking up at certain points and hearing certain songs, and then passing out again. It was painful but oddly enough the worst pain came from lying on the hard floor the whole time. I kept turning on my back or sides but yeah, needless to say it was not a comfortable experience.

The time was 02:40 when I suddenly woke up in full clarity. I felt the presence of death, which I have never experienced before or since. However, in my mind in that moment I felt stone-cold sober and awake. I felt so clear in my head that I believed I would not die, no matter how long I waited. I believed I had failed. Also, the physical pain was very great. So, I resigned myself to failure and called the emergency service.

To summarise the aftermath, my body temperature was 32C in the ambulance, blood pressure 70/20, I lost three litres of blood, and was flown by helicopter to the city hospital. I underwent three surgeries consisting of open chest (thoracotomy) and open abdominal surgeries (laparotomy), as well as four pleural drains. Both of my parents were called and flew in from my home country to my country of residence on the other side of the world as they were told I was likely to die in transit or in theatre. I was in theatre for two days, ICU for a week, GI ward for three weeks, and I have been inpatient general psych ever since.

The physical recovery took around six months and nowadays I have fully recovered physically. I have many scars in my torso - the stab wounds, surgery scars, and incision scars from the pleural drains. I also have internal scarring, a scar in my heart, and 15cm of my large intestine was removed. During my time in gen psych, I have received medication treatment, ketamine therapy, ECT, CBT therapy... I'm just as depressed as I've always been.

You hear stories of people who survive jumping and say that in the moment before they hit the water, they regretted jumping. I always expected to regret my attempt and to feel that surviving was a new beginning for me. But to be honest, failing has been my greatest regret in life. Pretty much since the shock of what had happened dissipated, I wished more than anything that I had stabbed myself a fourth time. I was also surprised and glad to know that throughout the whole attempt and the hours in which I waited for death, I was in complete control of my mental faculties. I never experienced any kind of biological panic or instinct for self-preservation. I wished to die before, during, and after the attempt.

I have no trauma around that night because it was not traumatic for me. I was calm and resigned the entire time. Also, I was careful not to look at my own body for fear of the blood rousing biological fear. Actually, the vast majority of bleeding was internal. Afterwards when I went back to my apartment, there was only one little stain on the picnic blanket.

Sorry this post is really long, but I hope that it shed some light on what self-stabbing is like and the risks involved. I'm happy to answer any questions, and I have pictures if anyone wants verification (I'm a lurker so am not sure what the general rules are around posting images).

American Medicine makes miracles... And wow, an antique dagger. You wanted to check out in style
I think its dullness might have contributed to your survival.

 

[futurecorpse]

Thank you for sharing your story. I also think about using this method to ctb, but I would take blood thinners beforehand and aim for the carotid arteries. I have been educated in anatomy and my line of work requires me to locate the right carotid artery so that it can be injected with embalming fluid. The only thing I worry about it is not being able to overcome SI, but I know for a fact that I so desperately want to die and be with the ones I've lost. Plans A and B failed, and I don't really have any other backup. I feel so lost, alone, and depressed at this time

 

[kagebunshin]

American Medicine makes miracles... And wow, an antique dagger. You wanted to check out in style
I think its dullness might have contributed to your survival.

I'm in the Nordics so it was the efforts of local medical staff who saved me! (although the medicine was probably developed in America?) But yeah I put way too much symbolism in my attempt lol everything had meaning down to the type of blade I used, the clothes I wore, the music I listened to... Now I don't give a shit about any of that stuff, I just want out!

Thank you for sharing your story. I also think about using this method to ctb, but I would take blood thinners beforehand and aim for the carotid arteries. I have been educated in anatomy and my line of work requires me to locate the right carotid artery so that it can be injected with embalming fluid. The only thing I worry about it is not being able to overcome SI, but I know for a fact that I so desperately want to die and be with the ones I've lost. Plans A and B failed, and I don't really have any other backup. I feel so lost, alone, and depressed at this time

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way, please take some comfort in the fact that here in this forum you're surrounded by users who also feel alone. We're all struggling individually and yet share that common experience.

In regard to your method, I think it's good that you have education in anatomy before attempting. I can't speak for the experience of severing arteries as I don't know what that's like, and everyone's experience of SI is going to be unique to them. I feel that I was able to overcome SI completely, so it can be done. It just depends on how you feel in yourself. I hope you're able to find peace.

 

[Bubuu]

I felt significant discomfort but I wasn't rolling around screaming or anything. I was calm and restful whilst my body went into shock and I was in an out of consciousness. The feeling of blood loss was actually very peaceful (as weird as that sounds) because after a certain point, I was physically so weak that I could not experience anxiety. My heart rate and breathing were extremely low and slow whilst I was dying, which made my mental state also subdued. Personally, I think dying of blood loss is a good way to go. I would like to try again to go that way, but my experience taught me that there is a lot of room for error in injuring yourself fatally, and surviving is rough. I thought three deep stab wounds and a seven-hour wait would definitely kill me, yet here I am.

I can't speak to the difficulty or efficacy of stabbing yourself in the thigh, I don't know anything about that. All I can recommend is to not look while you do it, or after, to avoid the psychological impact of seeing the open wound and a lot of blood. I stabbed myself swiftly and did not look at myself at all once it was done. I hope you're able to get some more clarity on your chosen method.

Thank you so much for all the details it really helps me a lot. Another thing that I forgot to ask, how it feels to be stabbed?

 

[kagebunshin]

Thank you so much for all the details it really helps me a lot. Another thing that I forgot to ask, how it feels to be stabbed?

You're welcome! I hope my experience can be useful to you. Well, I can still remember the knife going deep into my chest. The blade felt very heavy, dull, and "present" in my body. The pain was intense but it wasn't the worst pain I've felt in my life. I had rehearsed the stabbing act in my mind so much that I did it very quickly, without thinking or pausing between. Right from the first stab, I remember gasping and rapidly losing energy. I very quickly went into shock and lost consciousness.

Ideally, I would have died then whilst unconscious. I believe, in theory, that if I had severed an artery or stabbed deeper into my heart, I would have gone into shock, passed out, and died without even realising. That's the most ideal circumstance. Please be aware though that reality can be very different. Best of luck to you.

 

[Bubuu]

You're welcome! I hope my experience can be useful to you. Well, I can still remember the knife going deep into my chest. The blade felt very heavy, dull, and "present" in my body. The pain was intense but it wasn't the worst pain I've felt in my life. I had rehearsed the stabbing act in my mind so much that I did it very quickly, without thinking or pausing between. Right from the first stab, I remember gasping and rapidly losing energy. I very quickly went into shock and lost consciousness.

Ideally, I would have died then whilst unconscious. I believe, in theory, that if I had severed an artery or stabbed deeper into my heart, I would have gone into shock, passed out, and died without even realising. That's the most ideal circumstance. Please be aware though that reality can be very different. Best of luck to

You're welcome! I hope my experience can be useful to you. Well, I can still remember the knife going deep into my chest. The blade felt very heavy, dull, and "present" in my body. The pain was intense but it wasn't the worst pain I've felt in my life. I had rehearsed the stabbing act in my mind so much that I did it very quickly, without thinking or pausing between. Right from the first stab, I remember gasping and rapidly losing energy. I very quickly went into shock and lost consciousness.

Ideally, I would have died then whilst unconscious. I believe, in theory, that if I had severed an artery or stabbed deeper into my heart, I would have gone into shock, passed out, and died without even realising. That's the most ideal circumstance. Please be aware though that reality can be very different. Best of luck to you.

Again thank you so much for the detailed explication.I am afraid as well surviving. That's why I plan buying a hunting knife designed piercing through skin and flesh, I will sharp the knife as well and I plan to stab myself fast like you did. Again thank you so much it is a great help

 

[kagebunshin]

Again thank you so much for the detailed explication.I am afraid as well surviving. That's why I plan buying a hunting knife designed piercing through skin and flesh, I will sharp the knife as well and I plan to stab myself fast like you did. Again thank you so much it is a great help

For your sake, I hope your attempt goes the way you want it to. It's a brutal method but I understand wanting to go that way. Due to my own failure, I can't recommend stabbing as a method, but you're free to make your own choices. People who have no experience in such methods are very quick to make all sorts of claims about how it's impossible to stab yourself, your survival instinct will kick in, the pain will be intolerable, etc. But actually my own lived experience is very different. I really wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Bubuu]

For your sake, I hope your attempt goes the way you want it to. It's a brutal method but I understand wanting to go that way. Due to my own failure, I can't recommend stabbing as a method, but you're free to make your own choices. People who have no experience in such methods are very quick to make all sorts of claims about how it's impossible to stab yourself, your survival instinct will kick in, the pain will be intolerable, etc. But actually my own lived experience is very different. I really wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you so much for all the kind words and advice. You actually helped me a lot and it's a pleasure to meet someone like you I also wish you all the best and the day when death will come to you again I hope that you will pass away painless and easy like how people are falling asleep