spend all my days laying in bed

[neverbeenbetter]

there is nothing else to do. something is fundamentally wrong about me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be so dreadful living such an empty existence. At this point all I want is to fall asleep and never wake, never having to endure any more suffering.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I do the same thing… I spent the past year just laying on my couch all day long… Hoping that if I can ignore the world maybe it will just go away… Or somehow I will stop functioning and die… All of my motivation has disappeared… I can't even be bother to do laundry or clean the apartment at all so it's just filling with Dust and grime and there's dirty clothes laying around… I don't pay the bills… Only rent … I only leave to go get food… When I'm out in the world I'm like a zombie… I don't respond to any texts or emails really… I know that all my interactions with other people are just bizarre or clearly full of shit… For a while it was nice that people were worried and trying to save me but now it's just a hassle… I wish they were someway I could easily die… But all of these methods are so complicated… You get arrested if you order N… For SN Requires all these other substances… Other methods are so violent… Easiest thing to do it's nothing at all even though it's boring and I know that I can't live forever this way… I'll run out of money pretty soon… I'm the biggest failure of anybody I know … very strange

 

[Tortured Existence]

I live in my bed. It's so depressing. I wake up to the same nothingness every day. I wish I could sleep all day, but I hardly sleep at night and can't even nap without taking something. The days seem never ending.

 

[September Salt]

I do the same thing… I spent the past year just laying on my couch all day long… Hoping that if I can ignore the world maybe it will just go away… Or somehow I will stop functioning and die… All of my motivation has disappeared… I can't even be bother to do laundry or clean the apartment at all so it's just filling with Dust and grime and there's dirty clothes laying around… I don't pay the bills… Only rent … I only leave to go get food… When I'm out in the world I'm like a zombie… I don't respond to any texts or emails really… I know that all my interactions with other people are just bizarre or clearly full of shit… For a while it was nice that people were worried and trying to save me but now it's just a hassle… I wish they were someway I could easily die… But all of these methods are so complicated… You get arrested if you order N… For SN Requires all these other substances… Other methods are so violent… Easiest thing to do it's nothing at all even though it's boring and I know that I can't live forever this way… I'll run out of money pretty soon… I'm the biggest failure of anybody I know … very strange

Same here. My existence has become so hollow. I also wish I could just just shut my eyes forever. But it takes energy and luck to accomplish that, and I've got neither right now.

 

[ewigeruhe]

Same here as well and the only thing that breaks through my routine of slowly wasting away are my attempts to hang myself now and then.
Last Friday after another failed partial i was at my last leg and since i had ran out of booze and cigs i couldn't take it anymore and went out to buy some.
I felt awkward with my head covered in red points all over though subtle and as i went about i felt like a robot just functioning.
I often think that the Mouse utopia experiment has a lot of paralels to us today even thoguh DR. Calhoun wasn't able to replicate it.

 

[toasterbath]

same i literally try my hardest to sleep as much and even when i'm awake i can't get myself to do anything. nothing brings me joy anymore. no point of trying to improve things either. i'm just so fucked up mentally with these bipolar depressive lows and constant anxiety about every little thing and the future. i know i can't live this way forever. it sucks we don't have an easy way out. i can't even get myself to collect all the other materials for SN cause it just seems like so much work. my head is in a daze and it's hard to concentrate too. i feel pain just breathing and being a burden on my family.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

there is nothing else to do. something is fundamentally wrong about me.

Fundamentally, there is something wrong with all of us, to some degree. That's why we're here. But, I'd argue, there is much more of a fundamental problem with this world we live in that got us all to this point.

 

[Burner1234]

I've been doing this as well for the past months, I'm trying to get out and be more active but I just don't see a point in anything. Lack of motivation is killer, everything is just so tiring. I have some pressing issues but I'm still apathetic in fixing the situation.

 

[Ash’Girl]

Same here as well and the only thing that breaks through my routine of slowly wasting away are my attempts to hang myself now and then.
Last Friday after another failed partial i was at my last leg and since i had ran out of booze and cigs i couldn't take it anymore and went out to buy some.
I felt awkward with my head covered in red points all over though subtle and as i went about i felt like a robot just functioning.

You just described my life. I keep hoping that one of my partial attempts finally just succeeds.

 

[Sun n showers]

I live in my bed. It's so depressing. I wake up to the same nothingness every day. I wish I could sleep all day, but I hardly sleep at night and can't even nap without taking something. The days seem never ending.

Same.. its awful

 

[Lamebrain]

Story of my life! x(

 

[Passersby]

I do the same thing… I spent the past year just laying on my couch all day long… Hoping that if I can ignore the world maybe it will just go away… Or somehow I will stop functioning and die… All of my motivation has disappeared… I can't even be bother to do laundry or clean the apartment at all so it's just filling with Dust and grime and there's dirty clothes laying around… I don't pay the bills… Only rent … I only leave to go get food… When I'm out in the world I'm like a zombie… I don't respond to any texts or emails really… I know that all my interactions with other people are just bizarre or clearly full of shit… For a while it was nice that people were worried and trying to save me but now it's just a hassle… I wish they were someway I could easily die… But all of these methods are so complicated… You get arrested if you order N… For SN Requires all these other substances… Other methods are so violent… Easiest thing to do it's nothing at all even though it's boring and I know that I can't live forever this way… I'll run out of money pretty soon… I'm the biggest failure of anybody I know … very strange

I can relate. I spent so much time laying in bed it's ridiculous. Might as well lay down and die.

Hi @Fadeawaaaay , so true. As far as money goes it's definitely a big factor. For some it can be the sol decision to ctb. I completely understand that too because who the hell wants to struggle and live homeless? Just another reason to throw on the pile and I'm sure for a lot of others too. I think if I haven't already ctb by the time I run out money then that will be enough to push it over the edge and force me to go ahead and ctb. Cause fuck working forever too.

 

[NeverEndingPain]

I live in my bed. It's so depressing. I wake up to the same nothingness every day. I wish I could sleep all day, but I hardly sleep at night and can't even nap without taking something. The days seem never ending.

Are you still feeling this way and living in bed?