Speeding up my timeline

[anhedonya]

This isn't a goodbye thread or anything of the sort. Please don't treat it as one. I just have no one else I can tell about this without having the police called on me and I'd like for somebody to know what's coming. Some proof that I existed, I guess. Originally, I meant to CTB by the end of June. I don't think I can reach that long anymore. The second I pay off my credit card, which should be in about 4 weeks tops, I'm going to CTB. I might stop caring about that altogether and do it even earlier, I don't know. I cannot give out information that will allow people to check the news for me and whether I was successful- please assume I was. I'm so, so bad at swimming- I can't even float. The second I go slightly too deep, that's it, even if I change my mind last minute.

This website has taken up a lot of my time recently. I've met and talked to a lot of people here who I hope go on to have a good life. I thought I could hold on so that I could see more of the upcoming episodes of some of the shows I've been patiently waiting months for. But this hatefulness and extreme bitterness within me has quadrupled overnight since the event I did on the weekend. I can barely stand talking to my friends without feeling a distinct sense of disgust for everything they take for granted in their lives- things I wish I had. I hate everything I've lost and cannot get back. I've exhausted my options ever since everything got bad again and there's nothing left for me to do.

The only way I don't CTB in a few weeks is if a bible level miracle falls into my lap, to be frank. But yeah, that's what going to happen soon. The only way I don't end up being successful with it is if I am miraculously rescued. I guess I can't pretend the chance doesn't exist, but it's too slim for me to take seriously.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I wish you well, I feel like I cannot say anything else without being a hypocrite towards myself. From what I've seen on this forum, you've been such a kind influence on others. Like you said, you might get rescued or things might change for the better in time, but playing around with the dice is fruitless at the moment. Either way, no matter what happens, your voice has been heard.

 

[unabletocope]

Good luck. I pressume you plan to drown? Hope things work out for you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well

 

[willitpass]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope you can find some sort of peace, whatever ends up happening. You're a very caring person, I'm sorry life has put you in this position.

 

[Labyrinth]

I don't know what happened to you, but I was affected by the emptiness you feel. If I could go back, I would do everything differently to spare myself this enormous suffering. I hope you can free yourself from this pain no matter what -- even though I would prefer you to live.

I will remember you, your traces will remain in my memories through the pseudonym "anhedonya". I'm grateful to have met you here. Not everything was completely useless.

 

[persimmon]

This isn't a goodbye thread or anything of the sort. Please don't treat it as one. I just have no one else I can tell about this without having the police called on me and I'd like for somebody to know what's coming. Some proof that I existed, I guess. Originally, I meant to CTB by the end of June. I don't think I can reach that long anymore. The second I pay off my credit card, which should be in about 4 weeks tops, I'm going to CTB. I might stop caring about that altogether and do it even earlier, I don't know. I cannot give out information that will allow people to check the news for me and whether I was successful- please assume I was. I'm so, so bad at swimming- I can't even float. The second I go slightly too deep, that's it, even if I change my mind last minute.

This website has taken up a lot of my time recently. I've met and talked to a lot of people here who I hope go on to have a good life. I thought I could hold on so that I could see more of the upcoming episodes of some of the shows I've been patiently waiting months for.

Hard relate. Safe journey, sister.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

I'm honestly in the same boat. I'm looking to CTB via hanging soon maybe in a few weeks or a month tops. The agony doesn't subside and the pain is far too much to handle.