Speak Your Mind

[starboy2k]

I realize a lot of us may have shit we want to say to someone in real life regarding our desire to CTB. (relatives, ex partner, friend, teacher, etc.)

So………
Get it off your chest. They won't see this anyways.

 

[badatparties]

I hope there is no afterlife because i don't want to see any of your smelly faces ever again

 

[kagebunshin]

I'm a 30 year old adult who has moved on from all the shit in the past with my dad. We're low contact but whenever I'm visiting home we always catch up and it's all friendly. He asked me once if my mental issues were his fault, I assured him that of course they weren't, my brain's just weird, it's probably from mum's side anyway.

But I know that when I ctb, he's going to be the last thing I think about before I die.

 

[mangoastronaut]

I want to tell my mother she's the reason why I hate myself so much, that I realize my though patterns mirror the tequila stained words she'd throw at me. It's ridiculous that a decade after I finally moved out her words have transformed into mine. She's never asked for forgiveness but has tried to become closer to me by buying me gifts and calling me every other week. Still, I remember the gaslighting, beatings, bullying, and transphobia, even if she denies ever doing any of it. If I do end up ctb, she's the main reason.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

There really are sins that cry out to heaven for vengeance. And that fills me with absolute glee.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

You'll be better off without me. I'm tired. Just tired.

 

[wham311]

Over that, all I want is to fucking KMS and everyone is just a freeloader who won't provide even a scintilla of help or won't help at all, ALL of this could be fuçkign over so easily

Fucking ASSHOLE mother blew me up to the cops and flagged my address so I can't escape this absolute shit show and now I'm fucking stuck miserable needing a miracle or I'm suffering an ungodly amount of pain for 50 fucking years

 

[Grog]

Why do I have compassion for people who could literally care less if I lived or died? I need to stop giving a shit.
I honestly hope my brother ends up in prison. He doesn't deserve to have any semblance of a happy life while I fucking rot away. He deserves punishment for all the intentional maliciousness he's spewed towards every member of our family. He's a piece of shit. He beat me multiple, multiple times and even has hit my old mom and dad. I hope he suffers like I have. I hope the pain never fucking stops for him. I hope he gets some horrible chronic disease like I have and then someone beats the shit out of him and see how he likes it.

 

[Nightfoot]

It's good that we have a place where we can express ourselves without judgment.

 

[Freedomm]

I love death so much and I can't get to it... I dream every day that my heart stops. I'm so tired of living. I'm tired of fighting with my brain. I just want peace. I hate this life and everything in it, senseless suffering. This stupid heart is beating in my chest and I don't know how to stop it, I'm afraid of pain like everyone else here, I'm fighting my instinct. I hope I can beat him.

 

[starboy2k]

Over that, all I want is to fucking KMS and everyone is just a freeloader who won't provide even a scintilla of help or won't help at all, ALL of this could be fuçkign over so easily

Fucking ASSHOLE mother blew me up to the cops and flagged my address so I can't escape this absolute shit show and now I'm fucking stuck miserable needing a miracle or I'm suffering an ungodly amount of pain for 50 fucking years

Your biggest enemies are you usually your own blood. I definitely can relate to this.

Why do I have compassion for people who could literally care less if I lived or died? I need to stop giving a shit.
I honestly hope my brother ends up in prison. He doesn't deserve to have any semblance of a happy life while I fucking rot away. He deserves punishment for all the intentional maliciousness he's spewed towards every member of our family. He's a piece of shit. He beat me multiple, multiple times and even has hit my old mom and dad. I hope he suffers like I have. I hope the pain never fucking stops for him. I hope he gets some horrible chronic disease like I have and then someone beats the shit out of him and see how he likes it.

Omg karma is not moving fast enough for your asshole brother. You can hate the world like us, but putting hands on people unwarranted is not ok. Jail for him ASAP.

I want to tell my mother she's the reason why I hate myself so much, that I realize my though patterns mirror the tequila stained words she'd throw at me. It's ridiculous that a decade after I finally moved out her words have transformed into mine. She's never asked for forgiveness but has tried to become closer to me by buying me gifts and calling me every other week. Still, I remember the gaslighting, beatings, bullying, and transphobia, even if she denies ever doing any of it. If I do end up ctb, she's the main reason.

Im sure your mother will use her upbringing as an excuse for all of the hurt and pain she gave you. Also her not "remembering" her wrong doings but will remember yours to prove her narrative will always be a power move abusive parents use that will eventually get them put into retirement homes with no contact from their children….and when they are sitting in that rocking chair, mind slowly but surely decaying from old age they will finally have the audacity to ask themselves "where did I go wrong".

I'm a 30 year old adult who has moved on from all the shit in the past with my dad. We're low contact but whenever I'm visiting home we always catch up and it's all friendly. He asked me once if my mental issues were his fault, I assured him that of course they weren't, my brain's just weird, it's probably from mum's side anyway.

But I know that when I ctb, he's going to be the last thing I think about before I die.

Him asking that was probably his way of garnering a confirmation from you of him not treating you like shit so he can sleep better at night. If he had to ask then he knows he was the problem. Just my two cents.

I hope there is no afterlife because i don't want to see any of your smelly faces ever again

Yea I hate the idea of you possibly "reuniting" with fallen family members after death lmao. If I dont give five fucks and a chocolate muffin about my family members while Im alive, why the absolute fuck would I want to reunite with them when Im dead

It's good that we have a place where we can express ourselves without judgment.

Yea judgment is the last thing we need in this thread. I just want people to lay it all out because Ive been on the end of trying to speak my feelings to people who've fucked me over in real life only to be met with a brush off and a reference to a useless suicide hotline. That bs wont happen here

 

[kopebaldy]

One of my nephews might turn out like me. He shows some signs.

Brother, if you're reading this, do not make the same mistakes with him.

You're normal, I'm not, and he might not.

 

[never.more]

i just want to tell my parents that they've done their best. they want me to be happy so bad, but every second of every day is so painful. ive tried so many psychiatrists and therapists, so id like to think im trying my best as well? idk i hope theyll be okay

 

[fallingbehind]

I really hope my little brother wont be fucked mentally when I CTB.
Honestly, I only now realise that he may be old enough to actually remember me by, even if its not fondly because all I ever did was sleep and eat at home.
I do care for my father, but I know he will be better off when I'm gone.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Neurodivergent is a meaningless and self indulgent term that is used way too much