Soon.

[moggedtodeath]

I wanted to reach out to this community for some advice, as I've been going through an incredibly challenging period in my life.

Last week, I tragically lost my father. His passing has left a void in my heart and a profound sense of loss.

Adding to the complexity of my situation, today I had to make the difficult decision to break up with my boyfriend of one year. He was someone I relied on for emotional support, someone who helped me through the tough times. He was my pillar of strength, always giving me hope and encouraging me to become a better version of myself. Without him, I feel lost and listless, struggling to find my way in this world. Unfortunately, our relationship had taken a turn for the worse, leading to frequent arguments. Regrettably, one such argument escalated to the point where I felt it necessary to involve the local authorities, resulting in his arrest.

I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for the consequences he now faces. I recognize that I have made mistakes in my own life, actions that could have potentially led me down a similar path. It's a heavy burden to carry, and it only adds to my pain and misery.

I already have sodium nitrite in my possession and all of the medications necessary to just end it here. I feel as if it's over for me. It's done. I can't take it anymore. I want out of this endless loop of misery and heartbreak.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's for his own good. I let my divorce with my ex-wife happen with ease because I realized too late in life that I have AuDHD. I came to the realization that I would never be mentally sound enough to give her a good life. I wish I knew sooner that I was afflicted. I would have never sought to get married in the first place. I could have spared her a decade of grief.

 

[moggedtodeath]

It's for his own good. I let my divorce with my ex-wife happen with ease because I realized too late in life that I have AuDHD. I came to the realization that I would never be mentally sound enough to give her a good life. I wish I knew sooner that I was afflicted. I would have never sought to get married in the first place. I could have spared her a decade of grief.

No I miss him and he was a good man though

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

No I miss him and he was a good man though

I miss my ex wife, too. But I feel she has a better life now that I am not there to cause her grief.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

It's for his own good. I let my divorce with my ex-wife happen with ease because I realized too late in life that I have AuDHD. I came to the realization that I would never be mentally sound enough to give her a good life. I wish I knew sooner that I was afflicted. I would have never sought to get married in the first place. I could have spared her a decade of grief.

Damn MatrixPrisoner that sounds like real love. To let someone go so they can be happy. You are a better man than I am. My girlfriend has let me go, but I can't let go of her.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Damn MatrixPrisoner that sounds like real love. To let someone go so they can be happy. You are a better man than I am. My girlfriend has let me go, but I can't let go of her.

That sucks. A situation like yours is way more excruciating. Estrangement is only one tier above unrequited love on the torture scale.

 

[moggedtodeath]

That sucks. A situation like yours is way more excruciating. Estrangement is only one tier above unrequited love on the torture scale.

I'm experiencing the same thing but with my boyfriend. He's gone cold on me after less than a week, believe it or not. I've done a lot wrong but this is unbelievable and torture. Not sure I can make it though on top of everything else I have dealing with - this might be the nail in my coffin.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Honestly, if it was serious enough to call the police- violent I imagine then- I don't think you had much choice. I'm so sorry about your situation and the loss of your father. These awful things do often seem to happen all at once.

I'm sure you do feel bad about it and I'm sure you do still have feelings for this guy. Still- I don't imagine they would have arrested him if it wasn't serious so- it doesn't sound like you're in the wrong there. Also- sorry to say it but talking to people- men and women who have been assaulted by their partners, it seems unlikely they'll do it just the once.

You can make all the excuses you want for him. Bottomline is- he shouldn't have done it. He could have removed himself from that situation rather than did whatever he did.

 

[moggedtodeath]

I miss my ex wife, too. But I feel she has a better life now that I am not there to cause her grief.

Yup, I feel you so much. You are not alone in that. At least you got to the marriage part, as I didn't even make it to the year mark (1 year on NYE) and I am so insufferable he resents me now and has gone no contact with some finality to it. I am so lost you have no idea. I rectified the situation and called the local PD to have them add annotations to the report that stated I was the aggressor, etc to no avail. He says I am a terrible person and in the same breath says this will be 'hard for him and it hurts, love and miss you, etc'. He disposed of me because I either have BPD or maybe I am just a bad person. Either way, at this juncture, I do not know, and I simply do not want to be alive to fix myself anymore. I'm done.

Damn MatrixPrisoner that sounds like real love. To let someone go so they can be happy. You are a better man than I am. My girlfriend has let me go, but I can't let go of her.

How long has it been? (if you don't mind me asking?) It's day 6 for me. Also had a breakup with him back in July. He gave me another chance and THIS is how I blew it? At least you most likely were not the issue and she is just a bad person herself for letting you go like that. I do not know how I will let go of him. I feel like shutting down for good.

Honestly, if it was serious enough to call the police- violent I imagine then- I don't think you had much choice. I'm so sorry about your situation and the loss of your father. These awful things do often seem to happen all at once.

I'm sure you do feel bad about it and I'm sure you do still have feelings for this guy. Still- I don't imagine they would have arrested him if it wasn't serious so- it doesn't sound like you're in the wrong there. Also- sorry to say it but talking to people- men and women who have been assaulted by their partners, it seems unlikely they'll do it just the once.

You can make all the excuses you want for him. Bottomline is- he shouldn't have done it. He could have removed himself from that situation rather than did whatever he did.

Thank you for your words of kindness. I did feel scared but there was a level of vindictiveness to it because he did nothing to comfort me like he used to when I flew into a rage like that, at that point, I could tell he checked out of our relationship so I felt like protecting myself in that moment and not him, which was wrong. I could have just driven away, too. I am a huge idiot. You are parroting what the officer told me too, as I called him yesterday to tell him to add annotations to the report saying I was the aggressor so he could easily get it expunged too. I never pressed charges of course, because I loved and will always love him. He is biologically stronger than me, the officer said and he didn't call or remove himself from the situation, so I do not feel 100% at fault anyway. Doesn't matter anymore though. I started it and have started arguments before out of jealousy and complete delusion. I should have stayed alone or learned self-love (not possible with me) before dragging him down with me and that will haunt me forever. I hope I can forget everything that I have done wrong in the next life or whatever the fuck is after this.

 

[Ah.ow]

Estrangement is only one tier above unrequited love on the torture scale.

I wondered if this can be elaborated?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I wondered if this can be elaborated?

Well, with estrangement, at least you can be at peace with the fact that you obtained the prize at one point. And that it just simply didn't work out. With unrequited love, you're left with the torture of wanting what you will never have along with feelings of inadequacy, which is worse. But this is just my personal opinion.