Sometimes I feel like I deserve it

[Gaga786]

I didn't have the best childhood. Lots of traumatic things took place. I ended up being the loser of the entire class batch.i remember having zero friends... having to sit alone in break just wandering around envying others who were spending a great time with friends. I guess thats where the obsession with being alone and being lonely started. sometimes I feel like maybe I deserved being bullied, I do remember some instances where I may have provoked them and have done some actions which might have made others uncomfortable unknowingly but I was just a child who ended up making mistakes just like every other child in my batch. Once my peers stole a Childs locker key and framed me for it. I remember crying, telling others that Im not a thief and that its a lie. A child even came up to me and kicked me. I ended up telling the teacher and she told me to relax and enjoy the break whilst doing nothing. I remember so many instances where I was made fun of and no one cared. sometimes I think its best to commit CBT and leave this world. it'll make those bullies happy at least thats the least I can do. After all im so dislikable as a person

 

[Lullaby]

You didn't deserve any of that. Not when you were a child, not now, and not ever.

 

[TheBroken]

I didn't have the best childhood. Lots of traumatic things took place. I ended up being the loser of the entire class batch.i remember having zero friends... having to sit alone in break just wandering around envying others who were spending a great time with friends. I guess thats where the obsession with being alone and being lonely started. sometimes I feel like maybe I deserved being bullied, I do remember some instances where I may have provoked them and have done some actions which might have made others uncomfortable unknowingly but I was just a child who ended up making mistakes just like every other child in my batch. Once my peers stole a Childs locker key and framed me for it. I remember crying, telling others that Im not a thief and that its a lie. A child even came up to me and kicked me. I ended up telling the teacher and she told me to relax and enjoy the break whilst doing nothing. I remember so many instances where I was made fun of and no one cared. sometimes I think its best to commit CBT and leave this world. it'll make those bullies happy at least thats the least I can do. After all im so dislikable as a person

Thanks for describing exactly what it was like for me - looks like I 'm not (nor wasn't) the only one with this fate. Hard to understand how you'd do anything to be someone's friend or help people out, but it doesn't matter and they don't/didn't/never care nor does it matter how hard you try.

 

[AloneInCollege]

I can relate quite a bit. I was bullied and I often look back on those days and think that I deserved it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people really are so cruel and life is just so unfair. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. Of course you do not deserve it, we all do not deserve all this suffering we have to endure. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Pluto]

I had the same experience in school. I used to go to the library at lunch-time because I had such trouble making friends. The killer combo of autism and abuse was to blame. The tragedy is that the results are completely different if the child is given the extra level of support that is needed. If you are still young, something can be done about the situation if you are open to it. Basically, we need education on socialising which for most people comes naturally.

 

[Gaga786]

Thanks for describing exactly what it was like for me - looks like I 'm not (nor wasn't) the only one with this fate. Hard to understand how you'd do anything to be someone's friend or help people out, but it doesn't matter and they don't/didn't/never care nor does it matter how hard you try.

no one cares and that is what hurts me. No one cared about the bullying, the whole class would laugh at me. Its as if they always thought of me as this loser who will eventually kill himself. I used to cry while others would laugh at me. it was mental torture. I remember once a teacher had paired me up with a student and the student threw a tantrum as to why she was paired with a loser like me and the teachers response was don't worry you can boss him around. Even the teachers thought of me as nothing else but shit. It hurts as I think about it that I was just a child.

I had the same experience in school. I used to go to the library at lunch-time because I had such trouble making friends. The killer combo of autism and abuse was to blame. The tragedy is that the results are completely different if the child is given the extra level of support that is needed. If you are still young, something can be done about the situation if you are open to it. Basically, we need education on socialising which for most people comes naturally.

I remember going to the library to sit during break and while there was a party in our school. I spent most of my life alone and now I can't even make one friend. My social skills are completely ruined. No one cared about me and neither will they when I commit suicide. I can just picture them holding a celebration party for me to celebrate the death of this loser nuisance and shit of a person

Some people really are so cruel and life is just so unfair. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life. Of course you do not deserve it, we all do not deserve all this suffering we have to endure. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

thank you for kind words. It means a lot

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Kids don't do cruel things to other kids to inflict mental anguish on them. They do those things to bolster their own frail egos because, they too, were subjected to the very same kinds of trauma that they are now inflicting on others. It's like a subconscious recovery effort that the id forces upon the ego. A child's mind is not developed sufficiently to understand that the trauma of what they do has a negative impact on other's emotional state and mental well-being.