I know what I'm doing to say is selfish but... I feel that everyone is allowed to make mistakes but me.
Thanks to a psychologist I managed to understand that I'm someone who mostly thinks via logic/reason, and I very rarely allow myself to just "feel" things and emotions, perhaps that is a reason why I've had trouble with people in my life...
There are some mistakes that can't be forgiven, and somehow I need to learn to slowly forgive myself for all the things I let happen to me, for all the abuse I allowed myself to endure instead of fighting back against it... I was told that no one should forgive someone if they don't want to, we're not obligated to forgive others, just as no one is obligated to forgive us...
Sometimes, I wish some people wouldn't have given up on me so easily, as selfish as that sounds.
I always forgave, again and again, giving a second, third or even more chances, I tried to do my best to help others... But there were times where I failed, where I made mistakes, and in many situations either I didn't get forgiveness, or I got it partially, having to endure glares/passive-agressive actions/silent treatment as punishment for my mistakes...
Why am I not worthy? Why am I only worthy in many situations based on what I can do, instead of just existing? Why am I worth just scraps of care, or sometimes seeked out because they want help, but for nothing else?
In a nutshell... Why do I always bring the worst out of people? In the sense that many times they end up leaving, or if I don't reach out they won't do so at all... Was it perhaps because I always forgave, so people thought my forgiveness wasn't worth that much, as I could endure almost everything?
Thanks to a psychologist I managed to understand that I'm someone who mostly thinks via logic/reason, and I very rarely allow myself to just "feel" things and emotions, perhaps that is a reason why I've had trouble with people in my life...
There are some mistakes that can't be forgiven, and somehow I need to learn to slowly forgive myself for all the things I let happen to me, for all the abuse I allowed myself to endure instead of fighting back against it... I was told that no one should forgive someone if they don't want to, we're not obligated to forgive others, just as no one is obligated to forgive us...
Sometimes, I wish some people wouldn't have given up on me so easily, as selfish as that sounds.
I always forgave, again and again, giving a second, third or even more chances, I tried to do my best to help others... But there were times where I failed, where I made mistakes, and in many situations either I didn't get forgiveness, or I got it partially, having to endure glares/passive-agressive actions/silent treatment as punishment for my mistakes...
Why am I not worthy? Why am I only worthy in many situations based on what I can do, instead of just existing? Why am I worth just scraps of care, or sometimes seeked out because they want help, but for nothing else?
In a nutshell... Why do I always bring the worst out of people? In the sense that many times they end up leaving, or if I don't reach out they won't do so at all... Was it perhaps because I always forgave, so people thought my forgiveness wasn't worth that much, as I could endure almost everything?
