I've been wanting to say this since way earlier but thought I could bottle it up. But guess not, so here goes. I've been thru sum not-so-nice stuff throughout my life, and frankly, those contribute to my reasons to CTB. I started picking up various skills in order to distract myself from the incredibly corpse-like state I was in. It works to sum degree, but wut abt when it doesn't? I feel like death would b a quick relief.
My views on this world r skewed from wut a normal person would think. Everytime i walk out of my house i'm hoping to find some relatibility, some relief, only to feel like an alien tryna fit in. I have intrusive thoughts, views, opinions, and logic that I can't speak abt w/ anyone. Maybe just 1 or 2 ppl. But I see them rarely, like idk, once every 2 mths? I'm in uni FYI. I was told it would b a place overflowing with socialism. Well? Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place.
I should also add tht I'm a hypersexual and a fan of polygamy, however, I cannot feel emotions the same way a normal person can, for example: love, joy, etc. I do, however feel loneliness, anger, ambition, and a sense of hyper-competitiveness. Each time I see sum1 post on instagram, etc., abt their wealth, lavish lifestyle, and in particular, as u guessed, relationships, I feel tht competitiveness. I dated sum1 from 2021-2022, and since then i have had no one at all. The breakup was due to her trauma as well, she ended it first. I digress. I've never had much luck in the dating field. Everytime i speak to a nice looking girl, i have to choose my words carefully due to the fact I've been told, "I can come off as very intimidating". This isn't even on purpose so wtf am i supposed to do abt it?
Not to mention I have to constantly suppress my emotions everywhere, so i can seem like the perfect man. Angry? Don't show it. Happy? Try not to smile. I don't particularly believe in God, but I thank whoever there is that this website exists, so i can speak my mind. As I feel therapy is BS, since the longer u feel like crap, the more profit there'll be from u. Yh that's also one of my "inhuman views" on this world. Just putting this out there. Read if u want, or don't idrc.
My views on this world r skewed from wut a normal person would think. Everytime i walk out of my house i'm hoping to find some relatibility, some relief, only to feel like an alien tryna fit in. I have intrusive thoughts, views, opinions, and logic that I can't speak abt w/ anyone. Maybe just 1 or 2 ppl. But I see them rarely, like idk, once every 2 mths? I'm in uni FYI. I was told it would b a place overflowing with socialism. Well? Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place.
I should also add tht I'm a hypersexual and a fan of polygamy, however, I cannot feel emotions the same way a normal person can, for example: love, joy, etc. I do, however feel loneliness, anger, ambition, and a sense of hyper-competitiveness. Each time I see sum1 post on instagram, etc., abt their wealth, lavish lifestyle, and in particular, as u guessed, relationships, I feel tht competitiveness. I dated sum1 from 2021-2022, and since then i have had no one at all. The breakup was due to her trauma as well, she ended it first. I digress. I've never had much luck in the dating field. Everytime i speak to a nice looking girl, i have to choose my words carefully due to the fact I've been told, "I can come off as very intimidating". This isn't even on purpose so wtf am i supposed to do abt it?
Not to mention I have to constantly suppress my emotions everywhere, so i can seem like the perfect man. Angry? Don't show it. Happy? Try not to smile. I don't particularly believe in God, but I thank whoever there is that this website exists, so i can speak my mind. As I feel therapy is BS, since the longer u feel like crap, the more profit there'll be from u. Yh that's also one of my "inhuman views" on this world. Just putting this out there. Read if u want, or don't idrc.
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