Venting some time next month, i'll be gone.

[imonadeadline]

Welp, this is it. I'm not making it to my deadline.

I am writing this a day after having a discussion with my professor about the email I sent her. The email explained my situation without providing much details. I banked on her understanding my situation but that didn't work out. She told me that she sympathized with how I was feeling but she can't offer any consideration to me and my missed assessments and failing grades this semester if I don't offer her the supporting documents for it. She wants a therapist consult and diagnosis as well as some sort of parental consent. I don't have the money to visit a therapist let alone get diagnosed, and my family cannot find out that I'm failing 3 classes in college. That will only speed up my exit out of this world. The consequences are consequencing as some might say, and I only have myself to blame. I let myself wallow in my feelings for way too long and now I'm in too deep of a hole to get out of it. I basically dug my own grave.

Thankfully, I still have a few weeks to get things settled down. I'll still try to pass the subjects that I can, I still want to see if I even have a fighting chance here. But still, I'm ordering SN first week of January to prepare for the worst. The store I'm buying it from assured me that it would arrive within a week if I ordered it straight from the website. I don't have a specific date to do it but I would do it the moment that I am left alone at home, which I hope comes fast.

I'll be fasting for at least 16 hours with water as my only sustenance, and I'll try to buy bonamine or some other antiemetic to combat possible nausea and vomiting. I'll take one sleeping pill and drink SN 30 or so minutes after taking the pill. I'm gonna get started on making a list of people who I have to schedule emails and voice notes to before I go. I also have to start leaving sticky notes on how much some of my merch, equipment, and belongings can sell for. I want to leave as less of a mess behind before I go, it just helps with the peace of mind.

I currently have 18 assessments pending with my exams already scheduled for next week. Two people know that I am on a very active phase of suicidal ideation and cannot be stopped if I ever do push through with it. I won't tell them when I'll do it, but they'll probably know if they see my final tune playlist playing on my spotify profile.

I'll probably stay on this site on the day that I do it as I'll be in the process of scrubbing my data clean off of my devices. This site will probably be the last website that I'll have on, other than Gmail.

Do I wish that it doesn't turn out this way? Of course, I still have some things that I want to witness and live for. I still want to play Fortnite with my buddies who have been generous to me all this time. I still want to be on Roblox and help head a division in a game that I've been obsessed with for the past 3 months. I still want to be on 7 hour long discord/telegram calls with my friends as we talk about nonsense and sometimes deep and profound thoughts. I still want to attend class and chat with my friends and participate in recitations in my favorite classes. I still want to be on a condo balcony with my friends in a far away city as we laugh and gossip about eachother's lives. I still want to attend another TWICE concert, or any concert at all and feel that bliss of leaving my problems behind as I enter the arena. I still wat to go to bed and have my cat snuggle up my shoulder as he softly purrs while I watch ASMR on my phone.

I still have so much to live for, but the end is coming closer than I thought.

I'm not one to leave loose ends, so I'm preparing for my final end now. I'll still try, as they tell us not to go gentle into that good night. I'll give it my best, which is not as good as it used to be but it's still what I can do. I'm going down with a fight but whatever happens happens.

I don't wat to fail my attempt, I don't want a second chance at life. I'm taking the extra measure of preparing two glasses of SN to ensure that I get the enough dose to die. If you guys have any more tips, please do leave it down below.

Sorry if this post was all over the place, it's got the vent flair on it anyway. If you're still here, thanks for reading all of this nonsense. Wish me luck, even if it might not help.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans.

 

[quietwater]

Welp, this is it. I'm not making it to my deadline.

I am writing this a day after having a discussion with my professor about the email I sent her. The email explained my situation without providing much details. I banked on her understanding my situation but that didn't work out. She told me that she sympathized with how I was feeling but she can't offer any consideration to me and my missed assessments and failing grades this semester if I don't offer her the supporting documents for it. She wants a therapist consult and diagnosis as well as some sort of parental consent. I don't have the money to visit a therapist let alone get diagnosed, and my family cannot find out that I'm failing 3 classes in college. That will only speed up my exit out of this world. The consequences are consequencing as some might say, and I only have myself to blame. I let myself wallow in my feelings for way too long and now I'm in too deep of a hole to get out of it. I basically dug my own grave.

Thankfully, I still have a few weeks to get things settled down. I'll still try to pass the subjects that I can, I still want to see if I even have a fighting chance here. But still, I'm ordering SN first week of January to prepare for the worst. The store I'm buying it from assured me that it would arrive within a week if I ordered it straight from the website. I don't have a specific date to do it but I would do it the moment that I am left alone at home, which I hope comes fast.

I'll be fasting for at least 16 hours with water as my only sustenance, and I'll try to buy bonamine or some other antiemetic to combat possible nausea and vomiting. I'll take one sleeping pill and drink SN 30 or so minutes after taking the pill. I'm gonna get started on making a list of people who I have to schedule emails and voice notes to before I go. I also have to start leaving sticky notes on how much some of my merch, equipment, and belongings can sell for. I want to leave as less of a mess behind before I go, it just helps with the peace of mind.

I currently have 18 assessments pending with my exams already scheduled for next week. Two people know that I am on a very active phase of suicidal ideation and cannot be stopped if I ever do push through with it. I won't tell them when I'll do it, but they'll probably know if they see my final tune playlist playing on my spotify profile.

I'll probably stay on this site on the day that I do it as I'll be in the process of scrubbing my data clean off of my devices. This site will probably be the last website that I'll have on, other than Gmail.

Do I wish that it doesn't turn out this way? Of course, I still have some things that I want to witness and live for. I still want to play Fortnite with my buddies who have been generous to me all this time. I still want to be on Roblox and help head a division in a game that I've been obsessed with for the past 3 months. I still want to be on 7 hour long discord/telegram calls with my friends as we talk about nonsense and sometimes deep and profound thoughts. I still want to attend class and chat with my friends and participate in recitations in my favorite classes. I still want to be on a condo balcony with my friends in a far away city as we laugh and gossip about eachother's lives. I still want to attend another TWICE concert, or any concert at all and feel that bliss of leaving my problems behind as I enter the arena. I still wat to go to bed and have my cat snuggle up my shoulder as he softly purrs while I watch ASMR on my phone.

I still have so much to live for, but the end is coming closer than I thought.

I'm not one to leave loose ends, so I'm preparing for my final end now. I'll still try, as they tell us not to go gentle into that good night. I'll give it my best, which is not as good as it used to be but it's still what I can do. I'm going down with a fight but whatever happens happens.

I don't wat to fail my attempt, I don't want a second chance at life. I'm taking the extra measure of preparing two glasses of SN to ensure that I get the enough dose to die. If you guys have any more tips, please do leave it down below.

Sorry if this post was all over the place, it's got the vent flair on it anyway. If you're still here, thanks for reading all of this nonsense. Wish me luck, even if it might not help.

I wish you the best in any way possible, both with your plans and with your school and life.

I have problems with school too, and I just wanted to say that there are free therapists that can do certifications (for school too). I go there too, and I don't know if in your country there are some, but here yes, so I think in EU countries there are similar, if not the same, associations. They don't require money or anything, so if you want or need to be diagnosed or a certification I suggest you those.
For the parental approval you can always consult those therapists, usually they know how to prevent parents being needed in these things, if you don't want them to know.

Sending a lot of love from here, I read other posts of yours time ago, and I always found myself to understand personally what you said, so I wish you the best with everything<3

Welp, this is it. I'm not making it to my deadline.

I am writing this a day after having a discussion with my professor about the email I sent her. The email explained my situation without providing much details. I banked on her understanding my situation but that didn't work out. She told me that she sympathized with how I was feeling but she can't offer any consideration to me and my missed assessments and failing grades this semester if I don't offer her the supporting documents for it. She wants a therapist consult and diagnosis as well as some sort of parental consent. I don't have the money to visit a therapist let alone get diagnosed, and my family cannot find out that I'm failing 3 classes in college. That will only speed up my exit out of this world. The consequences are consequencing as some might say, and I only have myself to blame. I let myself wallow in my feelings for way too long and now I'm in too deep of a hole to get out of it. I basically dug my own grave.

Thankfully, I still have a few weeks to get things settled down. I'll still try to pass the subjects that I can, I still want to see if I even have a fighting chance here. But still, I'm ordering SN first week of January to prepare for the worst. The store I'm buying it from assured me that it would arrive within a week if I ordered it straight from the website. I don't have a specific date to do it but I would do it the moment that I am left alone at home, which I hope comes fast.

I'll be fasting for at least 16 hours with water as my only sustenance, and I'll try to buy bonamine or some other antiemetic to combat possible nausea and vomiting. I'll take one sleeping pill and drink SN 30 or so minutes after taking the pill. I'm gonna get started on making a list of people who I have to schedule emails and voice notes to before I go. I also have to start leaving sticky notes on how much some of my merch, equipment, and belongings can sell for. I want to leave as less of a mess behind before I go, it just helps with the peace of mind.

I currently have 18 assessments pending with my exams already scheduled for next week. Two people know that I am on a very active phase of suicidal ideation and cannot be stopped if I ever do push through with it. I won't tell them when I'll do it, but they'll probably know if they see my final tune playlist playing on my spotify profile.

I'll probably stay on this site on the day that I do it as I'll be in the process of scrubbing my data clean off of my devices. This site will probably be the last website that I'll have on, other than Gmail.

Do I wish that it doesn't turn out this way? Of course, I still have some things that I want to witness and live for. I still want to play Fortnite with my buddies who have been generous to me all this time. I still want to be on Roblox and help head a division in a game that I've been obsessed with for the past 3 months. I still want to be on 7 hour long discord/telegram calls with my friends as we talk about nonsense and sometimes deep and profound thoughts. I still want to attend class and chat with my friends and participate in recitations in my favorite classes. I still want to be on a condo balcony with my friends in a far away city as we laugh and gossip about eachother's lives. I still want to attend another TWICE concert, or any concert at all and feel that bliss of leaving my problems behind as I enter the arena. I still wat to go to bed and have my cat snuggle up my shoulder as he softly purrs while I watch ASMR on my phone.

I still have so much to live for, but the end is coming closer than I thought.

I'm not one to leave loose ends, so I'm preparing for my final end now. I'll still try, as they tell us not to go gentle into that good night. I'll give it my best, which is not as good as it used to be but it's still what I can do. I'm going down with a fight but whatever happens happens.

I don't wat to fail my attempt, I don't want a second chance at life. I'm taking the extra measure of preparing two glasses of SN to ensure that I get the enough dose to die. If you guys have any more tips, please do leave it down below.

Sorry if this post was all over the place, it's got the vent flair on it anyway. If you're still here, thanks for reading all of this nonsense. Wish me luck, even if it might not help.

I wish you the best in any way possible, both with your plans and with your school and life.

I have problems with school too, and I just wanted to say that there are free therapists that can do certifications (for school too). I go there too, and I don't know if in your country there are some, but here yes, so I think in EU countries there are similar, if not the same, associations. They don't require money or anything, so if you want or need to be diagnosed or a certification I suggest you those.
For the parental approval you can always consult those therapists, usually they know how to prevent parents being needed in these things, if you don't want them to know.

Sending a lot of love from here, I read other posts of yours time ago, and I always found myself to understand personally what you said, so I wish you the best with everything<3

 

[imonadeadline]

I have problems with school too, and I just wanted to say that there are free therapists that can do certifications (for school too). I go there too, and I don't know if in your country there are some, but here yes, so I think in EU countries there are similar, if not the same, associations. They don't require money or anything, so if you want or need to be diagnosed or a certification I suggest you those.

I live in a third world country and I've been researching about the possible free assistance that I can get but no luck so far. They're all either out of town or do require payment. Thank you for the tips and understanding.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I live in a third world country and I've been researching about the possible free assistance that I can get but no luck so far. They're all either out of town or do require payment. Thank you for the tips and understanding.

I'm sorry that despite trying everything you could, things didn't quite work out for you to get the help you sought.

 

[quietwater]

I live in a third world country and I've been researching about the possible free assistance that I can get but no luck so far. They're all either out of town or do require payment. Thank you for the tips and understanding.

I understand, I am sorry to hear this. I wish you the best nontheless<3