Based on my work I see a lot of failed attempts. All of them basically ODs. Most of the survive. So no overdoses.
I don't see gunshots cause my work doesn't deal with GSW much. I think I'll stay away from guns though, I'm keeping things under the cover pretty well and I don't want to raise any alarms.
I was thinking tent + charcoal but tent sounds like a lot of visibility and work. Might have to be a tent though, cause otherwise it'd be a car and they aren't really air-tight.
Charcoal would be the easiest as long as there's enough. Problem is too much = headache but pre-medicating should help with that.
Another option that recently popped up was dry ice. Apparently in Japan there were a handful of people who died as they were leaning into an open casket, not realizing that the dry ice the funeral homes use to help preserve the corpse caused them to pass out? Sounds better than being too warm from charcoal in enclosed space, probably less likely to fail because of discomfort...?
Recently hit an age milestone. Feels like every decade since I was a kid, I'd tell myself I'll CTB before the next decade hits. Each milestone it just gets worse.
But here I still am. I've given up on making myself promises at this point.
I despise my parents for the way that they made me who I am today. But I've seen the hurt that people go through when they outlive their children.
I can't bring myself to take away their ignorant bliss, so I'll just keep suffering. I despise them for being alive.
I have a successful career ahead of me. Loving family. New friends that I'm planning trips with. All the things that chain me down. Proof that I've given up trying to free myself from the guilt of leaving my parents behind. Nauseating. Choosing to build on the mask rather than courage to CTB.
They keep asking about marriage. I've never been interested in a relationship. I'm tired of laughing it off.
From the outside, it'd be unexpected. There's no reason that they would see why I'd CTB. I've just always been like this. Well, always wanted to die. It just gets worse every year.
So all I can do for now is to fantasize and keep up the appearances.
I don't see gunshots cause my work doesn't deal with GSW much. I think I'll stay away from guns though, I'm keeping things under the cover pretty well and I don't want to raise any alarms.
I was thinking tent + charcoal but tent sounds like a lot of visibility and work. Might have to be a tent though, cause otherwise it'd be a car and they aren't really air-tight.
Charcoal would be the easiest as long as there's enough. Problem is too much = headache but pre-medicating should help with that.
Another option that recently popped up was dry ice. Apparently in Japan there were a handful of people who died as they were leaning into an open casket, not realizing that the dry ice the funeral homes use to help preserve the corpse caused them to pass out? Sounds better than being too warm from charcoal in enclosed space, probably less likely to fail because of discomfort...?
Recently hit an age milestone. Feels like every decade since I was a kid, I'd tell myself I'll CTB before the next decade hits. Each milestone it just gets worse.
But here I still am. I've given up on making myself promises at this point.
I despise my parents for the way that they made me who I am today. But I've seen the hurt that people go through when they outlive their children.
I can't bring myself to take away their ignorant bliss, so I'll just keep suffering. I despise them for being alive.
I have a successful career ahead of me. Loving family. New friends that I'm planning trips with. All the things that chain me down. Proof that I've given up trying to free myself from the guilt of leaving my parents behind. Nauseating. Choosing to build on the mask rather than courage to CTB.
They keep asking about marriage. I've never been interested in a relationship. I'm tired of laughing it off.
From the outside, it'd be unexpected. There's no reason that they would see why I'd CTB. I've just always been like this. Well, always wanted to die. It just gets worse every year.
So all I can do for now is to fantasize and keep up the appearances.
