social media makes me more suicidal

[ever so lonely]

hiya guys and gals again, it is me just checking in, been a while since was last on but my mindset hasnt changed if anything it has only gotten worse, social media doesnt help i never felt more disconnected from everybody in my life, when i post statuses nobody and i do mean nobody ever likes or comments, granted i don't have many friends to begin with on there but of those i have there accounts are dormant and they never post nor do they ever message, and if i instigate a chat they just ghost me, which leads me to feel yet more worthless than i already do, i dont know how much i can take of this guys, seriously, this feeling of otherness, of not belonging, of sticking out like a sore thumb, wherever i go, i dont know if it is my mental illness tricking me or the reality of the situation but it is no fun, i am tired of feeling unloved unworthy and lost in this life, the only people who ever truly loved me are gone, deceased, have been for years, such as my mother, i feel she would be in complete shock if she could see me now and what a husk i have become, a shell of a man really who seldom leaves his home, yet i can remember a time when things were so so different, i just feel social media contributes to this feeling of emptiness and lack of connection ?, at least here people always contribute, and we are random strangers, yet people on social media and irl friends never do, says much doesnt it, i am at the end of my tether peeps, sorry to keep on saying that over and over like a broken record but i truly am just worn out, and simply feeling not good enough no matter what i do, it gets very old very quickly, then you just simply stop trying, and throw in the proverbial towel, does anybody have a reliable source for sn yet, whilst i am on here ?, i have tried my source from before, but it appears they have slightly altered the buying conditions, restricted access perhaps ?, i have the available funds and then some to purchase it online just need a reliable source if anybody could inbox me any further information please, it would be much appreciated, i just dont want to be fleeced in the process, god i feel alone guys, so so so so alone, more so than ever before, struggling to find reasons to go on, this is no life ill tell ya that much.

 

[jodes2]

I've PM'd you with the IC source. Sorry you're struggling Social media is a bitch. The hordes downvoting me affected me spectacularly. Felt so rejected and marginalised

 

[ever so lonely]

thank you jodes2 thank you so much i will just check my messages now, i defos agree jodes2 i have seen and heard disgusting things said on there, no to me per de but even to others, social media really is a toxic cesspool, i feel people behave that way on there or just ghost us because they know they can, honestly it seems to bring out the worst of humanity, no only that people speak to you on there in a way they never would irl, truly disgusting, and i hope it seriously goes under the entirety of social media, i wish you peace and blessings and thanks for the link much love

 

[SectOfValtiel]

Almost this entire post might as well have been straight from my own mind haha, I feel this to an extreme degree

Actually, before I found SS I had just deactivated my twitter account for what I think is going to be the final time
In the past I made a lot of really good friends there, both my relationships started from there, but at this point in my life all those people are gone or dont care enough to even realize when Ive been missing
And for context, that twitter account was where I would vent my depressive and suicidal feelings, so... its not as if anyone there didnt know what I was contemplating
Ive come to the conclusion it literally doesnt matter what I say, nobody cares about me there
I think my account had 100+ followers and not a single person could be bothered to notice me haha

Its virtually impossible for me to feel like anyone cares about me if they cant put in the effort to show it, and nobody has in months
I think there was only ever one time I was starting to feel like I really belonged somewhere... and it was with my ex, so thats not really an option
Otherwise I just feel completely and utterly alone
Like a ghost
I know logically that this feeling is a symptom of my mental illness, yeah, it doesnt make sense for someone to be this invisible
But I also cant argue with what Ive seen either

Being on SS definitely feels different... but I dont know, for me that feeling hasnt gotten much better anyway
I still end up feeling like nobody here would actually care all that much if something happened to me
I see these send-offs and still have this feeling that nobody would show up to mine, Im just not important enough for that
Still its the only place I can talk openly about what Im going through with people that largely do understand it
Most of it, anyway


Yeah
For me this extreme feeling of loneliness is probably the single thing that makes me most want to CTB
And attaching so firmly to people on social media that dont care about me as much as I do about them doesnt really help
Im always chasing the high from meeting my ex, from meeting all my old friends, but at this point...
I already know Ill never find an attachment like that again

You arent alone at *all* in feeling like this, trust me
And I cant offer much insight on SN but I do wish you good luck with it
You do deserve to feel like people actually care about you, you deserve peace from all this suffering youve had to deal with
I hope you can achieve that one day- with or without having to CTB
And I hope if you do go, you post about it so we can all say goodbye in the end

 

[ever so lonely]

thank you sectofvaltiel, for leaving a lovely response i really appreciate it, i know we dont know eachother but i care about you, your a fellow human being, just reading tour reply made me take it upon myself to delete my facebook hopefully for the final time, i keep going back in hopes people will respond to me but they never do, so fingers crossed i wont be going back again, i have heard twitter can be worse, it sure sounds it going by your description, it is so fake too, just full of shite, nothing of meaning ever happens on there, at least you felt wanted via your ex that is great to hear, but what you said there resonated with me so much, the feeling of invisibility is real, as for people not caring it never used to be THIS bad did it ? makes you wonder what the heck is wrong with people in this current climate, if they cant even be arsed about people who are contemplating suicide, who they would consider friends, some friends huh ?, i cant say it is surprising tho people just seem to lack care for eachother, it is strange times indeed, and like you said there i too have never felt so alienated, it is making me want to top myself, i have found a source and have emailed them to talk about purchasing from them the sn, so we see how that develops, i hope you find peace my friend, whichever you decide to do too, and thanks again for a lovely comment, i just am sorry you are going through a similar thing , maybe people do it as punishment i dont know make you invisible and that way shut you out, i dont know but nothing surprises me nomore in this festering turd of a life, people have gone backwards and digressed if anything at least years ago there was a community spirit now that has been utterly swept away likely forever, it is the lack of care for eachother in general that gets me my friend, i hear you so much

 

[FuneralCry]

The truth is that other people can certainly be disappointing and can often just make things worse. Most people are incredibly self centred and only care about what directly affects themselves, it's simply just the way that people are. Social media sounds incredibly toxic, shallow and I believe that it doesn't reflect the reality of this existence. It shows what people want others to believe rather than the truth about their lives. But in my opinion, it certainly sounds like something to avoid. It's better to be alone and stay away from people.

 

[Gosuipo]

This is what I feel right now. So so alone and lonely and tired.