onbekend
Experienced
- Jan 14, 2024
- 265
I'm so tired, physically and mentally. I try to do things with my life only to either have them fail or for me to get bored of them, I can't go take a walk, watch a movie, or play a game now because it no longer interests me like it used to. There's no satisfaction that comes from living for me anymore, and it fuels my desire to CTB ever more by the day. It's hard for me to wake up everyday and not just stare at a blank screen for hours on end thinking about nothing because I don't find any enjoyment out of anything.
But despite all of this, the idea of suicide makes me desire doing more with my life with what little time I have. Realistically speaking, any of the goals I set back when I had been planning my CTB date have been accomplished by now. It's not like my life has gotten any better, Every day is miserable for me and even the slightest thing annoys me now, and the slightest failure increases my suicidal thoughts just that much more.
But despite all of this, the idea of suicide makes me desire doing more with my life with what little time I have. Realistically speaking, any of the goals I set back when I had been planning my CTB date have been accomplished by now. It's not like my life has gotten any better, Every day is miserable for me and even the slightest thing annoys me now, and the slightest failure increases my suicidal thoughts just that much more.
